What To Do?

[cinnamonbear]

I am in pretty desperate need of help! I need some advice as to what to do next. I need to know weather or not I should turn my father into his Bishop. About 6 weeks ago I got onto our computer and found my dad had been sloppy and left some of his "favorites" out in the open which I clicked on to find a message board for adultery I was horrified and although I was horrified (although I did take a close look to try and find posts my father had made). I found them and kinda made copies of the posts and hid them in my email to let my mom know what was going on. I told her if she needed me too I could "spy" on him and even offered to hack into his "secret" email account. she had me do it and kept saying she was going to go to their Bishop and talk to him about it. It has been 6 weeks and every time I ask my mom if she is going to the bishop there are excuses (she is and has been a big enabler for him). Since I first told her I have kept tabs on my father (he is pretty clueless) and found he had been banned from his original group (which made me laugh ) Now he is going deeper in he has joined a couple more groups one of which not only encourages adultry it provides lessons on how to get away with it. I have also saved posts he made which have gotten more vulgar. I finally told my mother either she goes to their Bishop or I will. Now I am not in their ward I go to our stakes singles branch and so I need to know what to do? Do I do nothing and let things go on the way they are? Do I talk to their Bishop? Do I talk to my Branch President? Do I go to the Stake President? please help me it makes me sick to my stomach whenever I see him online.

[Sugarbay]

You must be absolutely heartsick. Perhaps talk to your father alone about this, but maybe the thing to do is to work out your own salvation. Your father knows what is right and what is wrong. This is an issue for he and your mother to work on. You should still love him, he is your father and you agreed to be part of that family before you came here. Talk to him kindly and if he tells you to butt out, do so. He is a big boy and will have to work out his own salvation too. I will remember you in my prayers.

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

First of all, let me say this: you've had a lot of time to think about this and the various repercussions. You're throwing this out to a bunch of total strangers who 1) may make a quick judgement or offhand remark without thinking things through 2) are not the ones who will feel the direct and indirect consequences of your choice and 3) may or may not have your best interests at heart (yours as well as your Dad's and Mom's). Don't trust anyone to make a decision for you. Yes, consider our advice and counsel, but think things through yourself and when you have reached a decision, pray for confirmation of that decision before acting. I also recommend giving us some time to think about it and respond with clairity.

That said, my gut feeling is that your father should be the one to tell the Bishop he has a problem. Also, your Mom should take immediate steps to protect herself from any diseases he may bring home.

What a load for a young adult to carry! Are you OK? We can be a sounding board for you - we will listen to you if you need to vent or cry or scream. And I, for one, will pray for you (I'm sure many others will, too).

[Jason]

cinn,

This is not your problem. You father may not even be doing anything more than visiting sites. You shouldn't jump to conclusions. Unless you have an email from a woman (man?) who is discussing a sexual encounter with your dad, then it may all be a harmless fantasy.

That said, respect your mother enough to stay out of it. You told her what's going on, and that's as far as you need to go. By-passing your mother and going to a bishop or Stake Prez is very inappropriate in my opinion.

I say this as a child who's father has committed adultery many times (and continues to do so with women he meets on LDS dating sites, as opposed to adultfriendfinder or whatever site you dad goes to).

[lisajo]

I agree with Jason this is not your prob. and you should not be in the middle of this, from now on i'd let your mother deal with it

[Palerider]

If you mentioned it to your Mother...ler her decide what to do....you have done your part....the rest is up to them......

[Seraphim Moonshadow]

Talk to the Lord about it. If your dad is doing that, then you need to protect yourself from the evil that can come into your home. Fast.

[shanstress70]

I agree with 'Mom', that this is too much for any young person to have to deal with. I'm sorry you have to! I'm also sorry that I don't have any advice for you, and I'm not sure I'd listen to much advice you get on a message board. No one knows the entire situation.

And sure, it probably is best that you stay out of it and let your parents handle it, but I don't know that I would have been able to do that myself.

Good luck to you!

[StrawberryFields]

Cinnamonbear,

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this but agree with the rest who say that it is up to your parents to take care of this.

You mentioned that you see him online. Maybe it's because I am a parent I think like this way but I would walk into the view of the monitor and just start talking to him. If he tries to hide what he is doing I would question him about it. After questioning him I would let him off the hook with a statement like "How would you feel if I reacted that way when I was on the computer and you walked in". At the very least it might make him think more about what he is doing. My kids are constantly walking into the room while I am on the computer and I want to let them know that it is perfectly acceptable for them to do so. The same goes for my husband as well, he is always welcome to walk in it anytime. As members of the church and as a society we have been warned about the dangers that lurk in the field of the secret life people can create on computers. When Satan leads us astray there is no big announcement, he does it very slowing and if we are not careful we could be in deep before we even know it.

Pray for your father, pray for the family. I am not in agreement with Jason that to visit a message board that supports adultery is "harmless". When a man and woman are married I feel it is hurting the sanctity of a marriage to even talk about something that you wouldn't do with your spouse right next to you. If your father has crossed this line then he needs to repent. HE is the one who has wronged, and HE needs to be the one to seek repentance. I believe that your role is to love the sinner but to hate the sun. Yes, Satan is working hard to destroy families.

Hugs, SF

[cinnamonbear]

Thanks for all the posts so far they have helped. I do think I should clarify things a little cause after I reread my post I can see how it seems like I am getting my nose in where it does not belong.
My father is an alcaholic and although he does not drink he has not gone to rehab or counsouling to take care of his addictive behavior so he has simply switched "drugs" from alcahol to "internet porn and adultry". He behaves the same way he did after a drinking binge he gets verbally abusive and yells. I do not want to get him in trouble or help him get on the right path (right now I don't care enough about him to want that) I simply want peace in my life and to know my mother has peace.