Need Love Advice

[mojojo1984]

hey everyone,
it's Joe again.well i need some love advice.see there this girl name silvia.she went to the same school as me.she told me when she saw me sunday(which i first started going back to the school after an few month when i finish life skills last year) she through i was cute.it wasn't until monday before valentine's day she came up to my friend Jon and me during dinner.and notice my ring i told her it was an chruch ring.and my friend Jon told her i was mormon.she was surpise to see another mormon.we were the only 2 mormons in school.we spend the rest of the day together. when we were alone she kept asking me questions like what if someone like me.and i was playing dumb i know she met she like me.we went to the school's valentine's day dance together as an date.she kiss me in the cheek too in the dance.and later that night she ask me if i wanted to be her boyfriend.i didn't think much about it but the next day my friend billy bug me to ask her to become my girlfriend. i was going to give it some time but she didn't mind either.after that we spend 3 weeks together.she just left last friday. but i feel bad because i didn't tell her goodbye or get her e-mail address. she says she will be coming back to the school to take a class where the students work in the school's restaurant in april.i met be going too since my counsel and teacher want me to take another class after i finish goodwill.i don't mind i have friends in that class.she lives about 3 hours away.which i never did long distance before.i never had an girlfriend either.we have an lot in common. she is legally blind like my father. i try to be like an gentlerman to her. everytime i saw her i felt like kissing her in the cheek.i ask her and she say it wouldn't freak her out but i never did.but everytime i'm around her. she doesn't talk to me much she talks 2 friends more then me.and we're never alone.i also can tell she is very mooding. and she always has to talk to someone like there is some drama going around(which the school is known for all the drama) and her one friend chris always hang on her.but i think he has an girlfriend.but she told me him and her are just good buddies.but she gets mad at him alot too.but she never got mad at me i think that was an good sign.but i never try to make her mad at me anyway.but i notice we first date she talk to me more. i think she like hanging out with her 2 friends then hanging with me. last week she would see me and maybe talk to me for a second or two.and wouldn't sitt next to me.just talk to her friends.but she would sit with me and my friends at dinner.but if she was at dinner before me she would sit somewhere else.she never dated an member so i'm the first.i didn't hang out with that much last week.my parents think she might just like me as an friend since when she met my family.she talk to my mom more then me.she wouldn't address me.she didn't even tell her mom we were dating.she act more like she never had a boyfriend before and didn't know how to act but she dated alot of guys.two of my friends even.i try to take it slow.one of my friends say she would break up with you and do the next day ask you out again. she told me she cheat on him when she met me.but it seen like he still like her he just couldn't get over the break up. she told me the reason she broke up with her old boyfriends because she like then better as friends.i guess i wouldn't mind if she like me only as an friend.can anyone help me out? but she acts like she never had a boyfriend and is trying to figure out what to do.she tells me she's happy when she's around me.and she really likes me.and she doesn't care that i'm fat and an geek/nerd.i don't know i have mixed feelings for her.i can go both ways.i can be just friends or be boyfriend/girlfriend.i can give over her but then i have feelings for her again.
thank you for your time.
sincerly,
Joe D

[pushka]

Hi Joe...

It always seems to be just me and you talking (mainly) about your relationship worries, although lots of people did offer you some great advice a while ago.

I'm wondering if you really need advice from some sort of counsellor, sessions perhaps in which you will build up your self confidence, assertiveness skills, which would then enable you to 'read' the messages that you are getting from the girls you meet, via their body language etc. more easily, and not become so confused over whether they really do want you as a boyfriend or as a friend only.

I understand that you have a great respect for any females who you are attracted to, but I think that you are afraid they will lose respect for you if you move too quickly in settling into a proper 'girl/boyfriend' relationship, and that perhaps this has frightened off Silvia as she said that she was okay about you kissing her cheek, but you didn't pursue it and now she maybe is very confused about your feelings towards her too?

I'm certainly no expert and have found it very difficult to offer you good advice in the past, partly because you seem to have this real difficulty in making the first step towards cementing a relationship...please find a good counsellor, perhaps in your high school or college, or at church, who will help you work through your worries and doubts.

[mojojo1984]

thanks pushka i think she just likes me as an friend now.she never told her mom we were dating only my parents knew.her mom through i was her friend.only the people in the center know.my parents are just working she will break my heart.and i'm having mixed feelings.i can get over her and just become friends.but i'm worried i might not because i never had an girlfriend.and i never knew a girl who like me just the way i am.we only hang around for 2 weeks she left last week this is the first week she been gone.i felt happy and alive when we were dating.i sing and was happy.now i feel weird.i know if we do contintue she lives 3 hours away from me and her parents don't have the money to drive her here.i give her my phone number,address,e-mail address before she left and never call me or e-mail me or write me back.i wanted to see if her friend will talk to her and give me her phone number or maybe ask if her friend has her e-mail address.i'm just alittle worried i never felt this way before.i never had an girlfriend.and i was almost going to give up in love and now i find her.she will be gone until april.i told her we would take her to chruch when she comes back.only her mom and her are members.i just really miss her.just her ex-boyfriend says bad things about her.and he's still in love with her.and he's one of my good friends.and he doesn't want my heart broken either.i just wish all these feels would go away and i feel right again.i feel weird without her.i pray to god every night before going to bed.i just wish i had one feeling again and wasn't so mixed up.someone please help me!
-Joe

[shanstress70]

How old are you? I'm just curious, because any advice I may have would kind of depend on that.

[mojojo1984]

well shanstress70 i'm 21 and never had an girlfriend.so i don't really know how i need to do or act.i try to be an gentlemen towards her.but i don't know if that work.she ask other people to do stuff for her then me.i may just open the door and take her tray when she's done eating.i'm worried because she lives 3 hours away from me. her parents don't have money to drive her here. i been having mixed feelings since last week. when my parents think she only likes me as an friend. i 'm trying not to face it. but they could be right. i don't mind be friends either but i'm worried i'll still have feelings for her. i never had an girlfriend and we only dated for 3 weeks.i have many crushes and it never works. when i live in california i still have feelings for a girl i was friends with and she end up dating an non-member. but i don't think of her anymore since i move.so i don't know if i can do it. she was my first girlfriend. my first valentine date.
Joe

[shanstress70]

Gosh, I don't have much advice for you. I think that you will find someone when you aren't actively looking... that seems to be the way it usually works out. It seems like you are looking too hard. One day I bet you will just be going about life and you will meet someone in the store, library, or a co-worker, and you will be genuine and not be trying so hard... and she will like you for who you are.

It seems like you worry too much about what to do, and what others think. Just let whatever happens happen. Be yourself!

Good luck to you! And don't be in a rush to find someone. Just enjoy life!

[StrawberryFields]

Hi Joe,

I agree with what Shanstress said. These kind of things happen naturally and you do want to be with someone who doesn't chase you back as you go after them.

My advice would be for you to go on with your life. Stay close to your Father in Heaven and be the best YOU you can be, the rest is up to the Lord.

I had a boyfriend thought my senior year in High School the following January after graduation he left for his mission. I went away to college out of State. I was given advice to build by testimony as my boyfriend, now missionary would be doing. I was tested very much being away from home etc. but I made good choices. I did date while he was gone but no one could steal my heart from my missionary. When he returned 2 years later we were married within 2 months and 10 days from the day he walked off of the plane. We will celebrate our 24 year wedding anniversary this month.

Be the best you can be and put your trust into the Lord.

[mojojo1984]

thanks for the advice shanstress70 and Strawberry Fields,
i forgot i do have silvia's home phone number so i can call her.i need to see if all day is free to call or just pass 9 o'clock.i'm a little scaried calling her. i don't really wanted to talk to her just see if she can give me her e-mail address. so we can talk online. and maybe ask her how she feels about me.i'm a little worried about asking her on the phone.it's been a week since i talk to her.i'm just an shy type of guy. and sometimes shy to talk to people.but online i'm not as shy.but in real life i am. like if i'm in front of someone or talking to someone on the phone.sometimes i can't say what i wanted to say the way i wanted.i'm even shy towards guys i think are cool.
-Joe