Never Felt As If It Was True

[Just_me]

I have never felt the feeling everyone else says they feel. That the know the church is true. I have always been iffy. I have been a member since I was eight. My mom was a member, my dad joined when I was 16. I went to church all the time. I was sealed to my parents. I have done batizms for the dead. I went to seminary every day. I went to a LDS collge. I have read the scriptures. I have prayed. I have been married now 3 times. #1 and #3 were members, but not strong ones. I cheated on #2 and #3. I have slept with over 10 guys. #3 was verbally abusive and physically abusive to my son. I know that is not an excuse. My bishop is calling a church counsel (court?). I don't know what to do. Do I go confess everything? What happens then? Do I get excommunicated and try to finally gain a testimony then?

Please help!

[mom_of_jcchlsm]

I've read your post through several times, and I was planning to just go to bed and leave it alone until tomorrow, but I couldn't. I was hoping Palerider or SF would respond first, but they're apparently not online this evening. Watch for their posts -- they give very honest and loving counsel.

Testimony comes through the Holy Spirit. Although investigators and other non-members can feel the influence of the Holy Ghost at times, confirmed members of the Church must be worthy in order to feel that influence. Because you are privileged to have Gospel knowledge, more is expected of you. The Spirit can not abide in an unclean tabernacle. Your actions and thoughts can drive it away, which leaves you with that empty, lonely feeling instead of the joyful, assured, confident feeling that comes with the Spirit. Testimony comes not just through worthiness, but also by diligently seeking and by enduring in obedience and faithfulness.

In marriage, like attracts like. Your willingness to bind yourself to men who do not meet the Lord's standards tells a lot about your spiritual committment, even going back to when you were dating your first husband.

It's clear that lately you have not been worthy. Were you ever? Were you ever worthy and honestly seeking a testimony? Or were you just bumbling along, doing what others seemed to expect of you and keeping up a pretty picture? Was it even a pretty picture?

To gain a testimony, you need to be paying tithing, obeying the Word of Wisdom, keeping the Law of Chastity -- doing all that you know is right to do and avoiding all unholy and impure practices.

I don't know how your court will go. Excommunication sounds likely to me. Some people, when they're excommunicated, sneer at the Church and say they never needed religion anyway. For others, it's a shocking wake-up call that eventually helps them come around right. No one decides for you how it will affect you. That choice is yours. Act, don't react.

[Just_me]

I think you are right. Even before I screwed up. I was just bumbling along. I don't know that this is all true. When I was in high school, I did everything I was told to do. I paid my tithing, I read the scriptures, I prayed, went to church, went to young womens and went to seminary. Even with all that, I never got a testimony. I know that after high school, I started going down hill. But, why did I never know the church was true? I am not trying to be rude. I am very happy you wrote. I needed to talk to someone tonight, and just didn't have anyone to talk to.

Thank you.

[prisonchaplain]

I have never felt the feeling everyone else says they feel. That the know the church is true. I have always been iffy. I have been a member since I was eight. My mom was a member, my dad joined when I was 16. I went to church all the time. I was sealed to my parents. I have done batizms for the dead. I went to seminary every day. I went to a LDS collge. I have read the scriptures. I have prayed. I have been married now 3 times. #1 and #3 were members, but not strong ones. I cheated on #2 and #3. I have slept with over 10 guys. #3 was verbally abusive and physically abusive to my son. I know that is not an excuse. My bishop is calling a church counsel (court?). I don't know what to do. Do I go confess everything? What happens then? Do I get excommunicated and try to finally gain a testimony then?

Please help!
[/b]

Mom gave you caring and balanced church counsel. Here's my non-LDS question: Where does God and Jesus fit into all this? Do you really believe in God? Do you communicate to Him? Cry out to Him? Once you get it straight with God and Jesus, you'll probably find your way to healthy fellowship. You may want to meditate quite seriously on 1 John 1:8-9, which according to my rough paraphrase, says that if we say we are without sin we lie--but if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Both the Old and New Testament guarantee us that if we seek God with a sincere heart, we'll find Him. Jesus interaction with the Woman at the Well ended with the revelation that though he knew she'd been married five times and was currently shacking up, he had living water for her. Living water is available to you too.

Cry out to God in repentence. Get it right with Him. Then pray, and He'll get you through the Court, regardless. The day will come when you will find full fellowship with believers of like precious faith--if this is what you want.

[Jason]

Hello "me".

Welcome to LDSTALK.

I have never felt the feeling everyone else says they feel. That the know the church is true. I have always been iffy. I have been a member since I was eight. My mom was a member, my dad joined when I was 16. I went to church all the time. I was sealed to my parents. I have done batizms for the dead. I went to seminary every day. I went to a LDS collge. I have read the scriptures. I have prayed. [/b]

Sounds like you've been a very a-typical Mormon. But I think you should know that, speaking from my own experience, I've realized that not every Mormon feels the proverbial "warm fuzzy". I can't speak percentage wise here, but I'd guess that 1 out of ever 4 Mormons has never had the warm fuzzy. Having this feeling is NOT a requirement in order to be a believing Latter-day Saint. It's a comfort for those who do feel it, but there are other ways to feel comfortable with your religion.

I have been married now 3 times. #1 and #3 were members, but not strong ones. I cheated on #2 and #3. I have slept with over 10 guys. #3 was verbally abusive and physically abusive to my son. I know that is not an excuse. My bishop is calling a church counsel (court?). I don't know what to do. Do I go confess everything? What happens then? Do I get excommunicated and try to finally gain a testimony then?

Please help!
[/b]

Wow, sounds like you're being pretty hard on yourself.

"Me", Im the kind of person who believes that everything happens for a reason. There's a reason you married three times, there's a reason you "cheated", there's a reason you have a child, there's a reason you were born LDS and there's a reason why you chose to visit this site today.

It's all about finding your own, special and unique path in life.

You sound a bit afraid of this upcoming church court. I think you should know that you don't even have to go in the first place. They can't make you go, and as a general rule of thumb for your life, you shouldn't go anywhere you feel uncomfortable, ever.

That said, you should take some time and examine your spiritual life. Do you like what you're doing? If so, then why are you worried? Look about you and find a path that seems more appropriate for you.

Remember, that The Divine loves you no matter what. And Im speaking from experience.

If not, then perhaps you should spend some more time with your Bishop, working out what you need to do to obtain spiritual satisfaction as a Latter-day Saint.

Most important, do what is best for YOU and your son.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you "Me".

Jason

[kriskriechel]

Me,

I too never felt the strong feelings that others seemed to feel a lot of the time. I felt the spirit while in the temple as a teenager. There were times that I felt the spirit but felt that they were few and far between. It wasn't until I was older that I had stronger experiences. Don't expect them to just come to you. I think you really have to work for them sometimes. I know that I have more of those feelings in the last couple months because I have made a concerted effort to live the principles. I have been studying the scriptures daily. Not just reading but studying the scriptures. I have been keeping up with the Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society lessons. One thing that has helped is that my mother and I have made a deal to be accountable to each other for the lessons. That has helped me a lot.

I have not lead the exemplary "mormon" life myself. I have been down the wrong road more than a time or two. But have found my way back. I was in fear of being excommunicated myself. My issues were with chastity and the word of wisdom. But I wasn't. But speaking with my mom about my fears she gave me what I felt was some really good counsel. She told me that I very may well be excommunicated but not to think of it as many do. As being kicked out. The church giving up on you. Its not. Excommunication is relieving you of the covenant that you made when you were baptized. Yes, you loose your membership in the church. But by no way means that the church has given up on you or that you become a member again. Excommunication is part of the repetence process. You can make your way back. It will be work but it can be done. You can then be baptized again and renew your covenant with Heavenly Father. I am still working on some things myself. And I have a new bishop so there is still a chance when I go to speak with him about working on getting a temple recommend he might feel the need for a church counsel. If this is the case, and I am excommunicated, this is how I will view it.

As far as confessing everything, just keep in mind that the counsel is not there to rake you over the coals. They are there to help you. They want to help you. Please let them.

[Dr T]

That is an interesting response M. O. 7.,

Let me see if I understand what you are saying. You are saying that Testimony comes from the Holy Spirit and that "confirmed members of the Church must be worthy in order to feel that influence." Do you know of any examples where others feel that sensation while not being worthy? Maybe it would help me understand more about what a “testimony” is. (I think I’ve been taking it’s meaning for granted.)

“Being worthy of a testimony” is also something I need help understanding. You say “To gain a testimony, you need to be paying tithing, obeying the Word of Wisdom, keeping the Law of Chastity -- doing all that you know is right to do and avoiding all unholy and impure practices.” Is anyone, in your opinion “without sin?”

Thanks,

Dr. T

[Dr T]

Hello Jason,

This is the second consecutive post that I’ve read from you that is consistent with the Masonic Lodge teachings. Just an observation...

Dr. T

[Jason]

Hello Jason,

This is the second consecutive post that I’ve read from you that is consistent with the Masonic Lodge teachings. Just an observation...

Dr. T
[/b]

That's why I love Freemasonry. You can believe as you wish, and we all get along. Are you a Mason?

[Dr T]

No sir, I'm not. I'm just familiar with its teachings and recognized it in you.

Dr. T