How Can It Be The End

[Franken]

I have a huge dilemma right now, to which there seems to be no right answer. So it was about a year and a half ago I met this girl, Rachel (names have been changed) who I have gotten so close to as a friend that we had become insepperable. We always just considered each other as friends until about 6 months ago I told her that I liked her, she didn't totally feel the same way at the time though so I gave up on liking her, we were still great friends though. Next thing I know, I met Brianna about 5 months ago, started liking her and ended up dating, well it turns out that Rachel started to have feelings for me because of how close I was with her and that we are best friends. She keeps getting hurt because I am with Brianna and it doesn't seem like there is anything I can do to not hurt her.

Basically we've been getting in fights a lot because of these problems, and just recently I found out that she prayed about it and the lord told her things weren't going to work out between us, our friendship. We both talked about it, and neither of us want to end our friendship after all that we have built on it, it would hurt too much. I just don't understand how the lord would want to end this strong of a bond. I still have yet to ask for myself, which I am doing tonight, but I just don't know how to go about things, how to fix them, or what to do. Things have just gotten so complicated.

[kriskriechel]

It sounds like a case of hind sight being 20/20 on her part. Once she saw somebody else was interested in you, she saw you in a different light. You should probably sit down with her and have a good talk about it. Hash everything out. Hopefully then you guys can get over this bump in road. Hopefully that's all it is.

[Dr T]

Hello Franlen,

Franklen, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this difficult time with someone so close to you. Your situation brought up some questions for me. I would like to ask them now instead of later because asking later gives confounding variables and time to rationalize any outcome. I'm not interested in answers that say "Well that was God's plan all along" (which can be a realistic response but that is another topic). I'm interested in how board members understand this process before and during the praying in situations like yours. I do not want to derail your thread so I will take this to a new one. It seems like you are going through a lot with this so I do not expect you to respond to my new thread, but if you would, it will give me a realistic understanding of people in real life situations like yours and will help me understand at a phenomenological level how people understand this type of thing.

Thank you,

Dr. T

[Franken]

Dr. T I don't understand what your question is.

[Dr T]

Hello Franklen,

My question is on the General Discussion forum. It titled "Prayer/being Lead By God?"

THanks,

Dr. T

[Lindy]

Franken~ I'm sorry that things happen in life that we can't control.... that includes friendships that we want to keep but just might not be able to for one reason or another.
You said that SHE prayed about it..... have YOU? There are times that we get an answer to our prayer that we don't like....or don't want to deal with.... something we don't agree with. Sometimes, we just have to listen to the Lord's answer and not question why. Nearly impossible to just act without questioning over and over again..... believe me. Sometimes we just have to go with faith that the Lord knows best for reasons only He knows.... and wont' let us in on it.

[Serg]

She's got issues. How can she tell you that the Lord told her that your friendship was not gonna work? Does she believe in destiny? Or that God manipulates things? Things work out or dont, based on the willing of the parties, not based on God's will to it(i dont mean to exclude Him), just to say, that she feels that way, because at some point she sees useless her efforts to remain in your life as a friend(expecting sooner or later that you'll break up with the other-and she'll be there) as she sees that your relationship with the other one goes well...
There's nothing you can do, its up to her, to make the SAME sacrifice for you that you made for her, that is, stop liking you and respect that you now have a partner and that she lost her opportunity, but please, dont let her situation under any circumstance get you to doubt over your present feelings for your actual partner, thats not healthy.

[LionHeart]

I have, learned in the school of hard knocks, that one must be very careful with prayer. Our own personal feelings of want and desire can feel so close to the spirit of the Lord that we often get them confused. I have seen this happen many times. And I have experienced it many times. Therefore, until I am familiar enough with the spirit of the Lord, I must have something extremely strong before I will regard it as law.
In your situation, it is possible that this girl is trying, conciously or subconciously, to make you desperate since you did that to her by dating that other girl.
That's just one possibility anyway.

[Franken]

Franken~ I'm sorry that things happen in life that we can't control.... that includes friendships that we want to keep but just might not be able to for one reason or another.
You said that SHE prayed about it..... have YOU? There are times that we get an answer to our prayer that we don't like....or don't want to deal with.... something we don't agree with. Sometimes, we just have to listen to the Lord's answer and not question why. Nearly impossible to just act without questioning over and over again..... believe me. Sometimes we just have to go with faith that the Lord knows best for reasons only He knows.... and wont' let us in on it.
[/b]

Well yes she said that she had prayed about it and gotten an answer and I am currently in the process of praying about it and seeking an answer, I fasted the other day as well, but I've always had such a struggle determining what an answer is that I am afraid I won't be able to recognize it.

I think right now though I am mostly just tired of getting yelled at for things I don't really have control over or things get taken completely the wrong way or are overanalyzed. Life is way too complicated.

She's got issues. How can she tell you that the Lord told her that your friendship was not gonna work? Does she believe in destiny? Or that God manipulates things? Things work out or dont, based on the willing of the parties, not based on God's will to it(i dont mean to exclude Him), just to say, that she feels that way, because at some point she sees useless her efforts to remain in your life as a friend(expecting sooner or later that you'll break up with the other-and she'll be there) as she sees that your relationship with the other one goes well...
There's nothing you can do, its up to her, to make the SAME sacrifice for you that you made for her, that is, stop liking you and respect that you now have a partner and that she lost her opportunity, but please, dont let her situation under any circumstance get you to doubt over your present feelings for your actual partner, thats not healthy.
[/b]

I totally agree with what your last sentance said and I am making every effort to keep things good in that department as well, the last thing I need is 2 woman mad at me eh?

Anyway about the original issue of her saying that it wasn't going to work out, what really happenned is that she just couldn't take getting hurt any longer by seeing me and Brianna together and so she was praying long and hard about it and got an answer that she should end things/distance herself from me. Now I know she wouldn't lie about something like that, because the other part of that is that she just won't do it. She said she can't do it even if the lord wants her to. Now I may disagree with her, but how can I honestly say, yes I think you should leave our friendship in the dust, I mean I obviously don't want that, but if that is what is best for her, then how do I approach her and tell her that you know? She's already convinced that breaking it off would just be too painful and that staying friends right now with the hurt every now and again is better. I just am getting really confused here and feel really guilty that things kind of ended up shoving Briana in the middle.

I have, learned in the school of hard knocks, that one must be very careful with prayer. Our own personal feelings of want and desire can feel so close to the spirit of the Lord that we often get them confused. I have seen this happen many times. And I have experienced it many times. Therefore, until I am familiar enough with the spirit of the Lord, I must have something extremely strong before I will regard it as law.
In your situation, it is possible that this girl is trying, conciously or subconciously, to make you desperate since you did that to her by dating that other girl.
That's just one possibility anyway.
[/b]

I am truly struggling right now to determine what an answer will be like, when it will come, if it will come, how I should go about trying to find it, etc. I have to say that I've only really ever had one 100 percent for sure answer in my life, and it wasn't easy to get. I kind of wish the lord would tell me sooner than later though so that I can stop being confused and know what to do.

[Maureen]

Franken - The way I see your situation is that it really is up to Rachel to choose to keep your friendship going or not. You've been friends all this time without the mush and she had her chance to be more than just friends and decided to stay just friends. If she was comfortable with your friendship as it was than I'm sure it's possible for her to find that balance again. She has to wrestle with her feelings of jealousy and envy, and put the friendship first if it's really important to her.

M.