Help Me If You Can

[kalel14]

Hello. I am new to this. I am in need of help. I am LDS. I was born into the church just like my parents were, and just like there parents were. I was baptized when I was eight and went on a mission at nineteen. But, for 10 or more years I have had a problem. I have hidden it from everyone. I have confessed to my mission president and my bishop. It was more like I had aproblem and need to fix it. They gave meno advice or help. Hiding all my demons was only part of it. My family history invovles mental health problems. I have been taking medications but I think no matter what I do or take to resolve my problems is helping. I have been thinking of suicide for a long time now. I started to really think about it when my brother got sick and died. I beleive that I am bringing a curse to all of people I love. I have been scared of suicide but lately I am have gradually lost the fear. Tonight I am doing all I can to fight it. The thing most prevalent on my mind though is that suicide is quiting and that keeps me from doing it. I have been thinking of distancing myself form all the peoplein my life. Not run away necessarily but leave no trace so that they can't find me and become cursed again. I have always prayed for help. All these years I havebeen praying all the time for help. No answers. No help. I fear that I have pushed God out of my life and I don't know how to get HIM back. This has caused me let my faith and testimony weaken. I now don't know if there is a God. If there is one why doesn't he answer me. Please help me or direct me to someone who can. thanks

[pushka]

Hi Clark14. I'm sorry I can't help you from a Spiritual stance, however I would advise you to immediately re-visit your physician and/or psychiatrist, describe to them exactly what your thoughts and feelings are and have been, and ask if they can alter your medication to something more appropriate. Are you taking any anti-psychotic medication by any chance, as your thought patterns appear to be delusional...no offense meant, I've been there and understand what you are feeling and saying...

Please keep in touch and let us know what progress you make medically as well as spiritually...perhaps you need to find someone else in your Ward/Stake who you can approach and speak to more as a friend than as an 'official', and they might be able to offer you some advice too.

[tifflovespurple]

[color=#6633FF][size=3] Hi, I definitely think you are letting your mind and satan run away with you. You need to control your life here. You have the power to choose to be happy and to love God, and the gospel. Ok. you hid your beliefs. Ok, repent, get it over and turn away. You are so loved by Jesus - he understands and will forget completely. Just hold your head up and Live on!. THat is what the Prophet Gordon B. Hinkley would say to you. You are a son of god, live like one. Suicide is your ticket to hell - or your own misery. Never give any more attention to that subject. Your mental illness if you have issues with that - can be helped with the blessings and medical help you can get - seek it, get it. Become healthy. Listening to negative ideas is denying your spirit and now your spirit and your body everything you want. You chose to come here, get a body, get thru this test and get BACK to H.father. YOU truly want nothing more than this. You just don't remember. You need to allow yourself a break - and remember. Remember your softened heart and love of Christ - this will send the Holy Ghost whispering right into your soul - just how much you are loved by Christ. No thing is more true than that - that I just wrote. These are the truth - all else is false all else is of satan - give him his due and KICK him out of your life. Your people in your ward will get over it, and forgive and move on - love them, forgive them and yourself. Just grab on to the rod - you don't deserve to fall into the fog.

Hope this is CLEAR and full of the spirit of the Savior and his NON ENDING LOVE for you. Please as the book is titled BELIEVE CHRIST. Look at my photo of my youngest - If that doesn't just Get ya. and Remind you of what perfection and heaven is? then, you are just missin' the boat of life and the gospel. Grab happiness -it's a choice.


Tiffany

You really need to discuss this with whoever prescribed the medicines. Some of these medicines have depression and suicidal thoughts as a side effect. Please contact them immediatetly.

[thebomb7652000]

The thing about suicide is you are juging yourself and if you are not worthy of heaven you will go straight down and just so you know i went through the a very simular situation so i understand what you are going threw and the thing is you can't control the thoughts that satan puts into your mind but you can choose not to dwell on the negative thoughts one of the things to help battle the situation that you are in is to acknowledge the hand of the lord in alll things and to strive to know his spirit i hope this helps and i wish you the best of luck.

[mom m]

Clark14,

You really do need to let your doctor know the hole is getting deeper and darker, let him help you anyway he can. Depression is a chemical imbalance and it is hard to see the light of day let alone the light of Christ when the chemicals that control your brain function are that out of balance. Seeking counseling and support for this disease is as natural and as important as seeking counseling for cancer or diabetes or any other disease the has physical & emotional control over your life.

Keep yourself from committing suicide is not as simple as thinking happy thoughts, although thinking about how this act would effect your family won't hurt. If you commit to ALWAYS wait for just 5 more minutes, then just 5 more, always just 5 more. If you don't think you can hang on that long just wait for one more minute, then one more, always just one more.

I also find when the feeling passes for a period of time I take special note of things that I am so thankful I did not miss, like the marriage of a child, a giggling baby or a beautiful sunset. I take the time to think how very thankful I am that I did not miss that, I could have made such a huge mistake, I could have changed my families lives forever if I had not held on until that overwhelming urge passed. It helps to remember that next time the urge comes.

It is not the fear of me going to "hell" that stops me, but the knowledge that my family WOULD be left to LIVE in hell, if I gave in to the urge to end my life, that has always stopped me.

I know it sounds trite, but if you can spend those minutes in service of others you will soon find the darkness lifting. It is impossible to serve others, with the pure love of Christ and still have those dark feelings. The Lord will bless you even more than he is blessing you already. He loves you. You are his son. He is helping you already or you would not still be here.

My prayers are with you.

[Lindy]

Clark~ there has been some good advice... but I echo those who say...go see your doctor ASAP...it's not something to mess around with... sometimes it takes awhile to get leveled off on your meds.
And Clark~ sometimes God just doesn't answer us the way we want... sometimes it's totally off the wall and you get this thought and just say.... ahhhh NO
I've had prayers answered in songs, in scripture verses that just pop into mind, in the reflection of a grove of trees in the river (yes.. it WAS the answer to a prayer...believe that or not) Maybe your prayers are being answered... your just looking for a different answer.

And as someone who found a family memeber who tried to OD.... it's something that haunts me all my life... my mom couldn't handle life as she wanted it .... I was 6 years old.... I remember it like it was yesterday. Not something you want to do to family. There IS a way out, just ask for help to find it... see your doctor first!
And please let us know how you are doing Clark... believe it or not.. we are here for you too.

[boyando]

Clark;
I to have fought depresion all my life. So Iam begging you to go see a doctor as soon as posible. The med's that you are takeing are designed to take presure off of you but they also can take away things like self presservation. Start there and if you have too, check yourself into a hospital.

It was many years ago that I was on my mission and felt the same feellings you are feelling. I was blessed by a good psychiatrist who was also LDS and understood what a mission was all about. I hope that you find someone like that.

After you get to the piont were you don't feel like ending your own life, I would love to hear from you and tell you were to find hope. I'll give you a hint, it is in the gosple of Jesus Christ and it can make everyday wonderfull. Hold on-Allmosthumble

[ALatterDaySaint]

The thing about suicide is you are juging yourself ...
[/b]

I find that paculuar. Does that mean that when we commit murder we are judging our victim?
I think that suicide is the murder of one's self. And thou shalt not murder. So, even if up until that point we are worthy of the Celestial kingdom, if we commit self Murder we default our claim to Heaven because at the same time we're committing murder we're ending our own probationary state. Now, would a suicidal spirit be givien "another chance" in the spirit world? I dont know. I have no idea at all and will not touch that.

[shanstress70]

I know it sounds trite, but if you can spend those minutes in service of others you will soon find the darkness lifting. It is impossible to serve others, with the pure love of Christ and still have those dark feelings. The Lord will bless you even more than he is blessing you already. He loves you. You are his son. He is helping you already or you would not still be here.
[/b]

You did give some good advice, but you're right, this sounds trite, AND it's BS. If someone has a physiological problem, which is what depression is, there is no amount of praying, serving others, etc that will help them long-term. If he is thinking of suicide, this advice is ridiculous. Yes it is good to serve others and pray, but that won't take care of his depression.

Hope you're doing OK, Clark.