Confusing Situation ....

coolcats · #1 (**permalink**) 05-22-2006, 07:53 PM

After our second child was born, my wife had very severe post-partum depression bordering on post-partum psychosis. This episode was so severe that I was worried she might never recover. After much counseling, both within and without the Church, and antidepressant and anti-psychotic medication, she finally did recover after about a year. The last few months things have been back to normal.

The last few weeks she has been pondering having more kids. I want to be VERY cautious about this given what happened last time. The last few days her pondering/concerns have accellerated. She has been thinking a whole lot about this.

Now here is what is concerning me -- she is showing some of the same early signs of distorted thinking that she showed during her most difficult times. Those include:

1. Difficulty sleeping due to racing thoughts. Last night she could not sleep because she was thinking about this.

2. Panic attacks and feelings that something bad might happen. There have been a couple of times in the last few weeks where this has happened. Yesterday when I came home from church late (I am the financial clerk and count tithing), she was taking the kids for a walk because she did not feel safe home alone.

3. An excess of religiousity. During her delusional period, she was having really weird thoughts like Satan was posessing our kids toys, and that she was on a mission to write a book about love. While I can't say she is doing this now, I'm a little concerned because she says she feels like Satan is fighting against her.

She asked her father for a blessing. He gave her a blessing before I got home from work. After the blessing he told my wife he actually saw two more little kids. I don't know if he did, but I do not believe he would be the one to see this kind of vision, at least as pertains to our family. He further said that these kids were concerned and the time period we had was shrinking.

Now my wife is even more anxious and wants me to come up with an answer soon. She is upset that I haven't been praying about this as much as she has. Honestly, I have not. But now I feel her point of view is tainted, and I'm worried I can't come up with a clear answer given this confusion.

I'm sort of upset at my father-in-law for perhaps overstepping his bounds. But at the same time he did tell me about it and how beautiful the experience was.

I'm mostly concerned about rocking the boat. Things are better now, and I don't know what do. Obviously no one can come up with an answer for me.

Jason · #2 (**permalink**) 05-22-2006, 10:24 PM

My opinion....I'd wait a couple of years until you wife's condition has stabilized. As for "time growing short," unless you're both in your late 30's or early 40's, that's a bunch of nonsense.

Im with you buddy, FIL clearly overstepped his boundary trying to dictate what your family does. He should offer advice when asked, but should not feign visions of more grandchildren just so he can please his daughter, who no doubt told him about her thoughts and he conveniently has a vision about it.

Use extreme caution.

miztrniceguy · #3 (**permalink**) 05-22-2006, 10:37 PM

it is possible he did see two more children

shanstress70 · #4 (**permalink**) 05-23-2006, 06:10 AM

Quote:

it is possible he did see two more children
[/b]

Even if he did see two more children, what could possibly become of those children if they were born and their mother was delusional? I know that sounds horrible, but this is a serious illness and should not be ignored so that 'spirit children' can be born.

From someone who suffered post partum depression, although I did not have any delusional psychosis, I now understand that this is a very real danger. Mine was only a deep sadness that I could not put my finger on. But I have decided to not have anymore children, partly because of this.

It's not as difficult for me because I don't have this kind of pressure of having more, since I'm no longer Mormon.

I say stick to your guns and stick with the two wonderful children you have. This is half your decision too. From the way you have described it here, it sounds like she had a very severe case of this... and that she is not completely well now.

Don't have more kids!

MBASS · #5 (**permalink**) 05-23-2006, 10:06 AM

I think I would counsel with your wifes medical doctor and see what they think. It sounds like she may need an increase in meds. I would tell your wife you arent ruling out more children but you dont want to lose her in the process. You definately dont want a situation like anrea yates occuring in your home. I would definately proceed very cautiously and get professional help in making this decision!

miztrniceguy · #6 (**permalink**) 05-23-2006, 02:40 PM

Quote:

<div class='quotemain'>
it is possible he did see two more children
[/b]

Even if he did see two more children, what could possibly become of those children if they were born and their mother was delusional? I know that sounds horrible, but this is a serious illness and should not be ignored so that 'spirit children' can be born.

From someone who suffered post partum depression, although I did not have any delusional psychosis, I now understand that this is a very real danger. Mine was only a deep sadness that I could not put my finger on. But I have decided to not have anymore children, partly because of this.

It's not as difficult for me because I don't have this kind of pressure of having more, since I'm no longer Mormon.

I say stick to your guns and stick with the two wonderful children you have. This is half your decision too. From the way you have described it here, it sounds like she had a very severe case of this... and that she is not completely well now.

Don't have more kids!
[/b][/quote]

don't get me wrong....i'm not saying she should or shouldn't have more kids....i agree she should be more stable before that decision was made.

i was only saying her father could have seen them.

shanstress70 · #7 (**permalink**) 05-23-2006, 02:59 PM

Quote:

don't get me wrong....i'm not saying she should or shouldn't have more kids....i agree she should be more stable before that decision was made.

i was only saying her father could have seen them.
[/b]

Yes, I realize what you're saying. And perhaps he did.

This whole situation scares the heck out of me, and I wish the best for them. I'm sure God would understand if they chose to stick with the two they have.

Fiannan · #8 (**permalink**) 05-23-2006, 04:19 PM

Maybe there are deeper issues here than just body chemistry. We seem to live in a society that thinks drugs is the answer to everything -- if Jonny can't concentrate, label him ADD and pump him full of ritalin. But never just give him a better school or some exercise combined with a can of Coke. Or if someone has PMS give them drugs, oh wait, that has been done for years...in the old days doctors prescribed marijuana for PMS and other ailments -- but then marijuana is a drug (cause it's illegal now) but more expensive pharmaceuticals are legal even though they are more powerful and costly.

I am not saying drugs have no place, and I am not taking the far side of Tom Cruise on this subject, but panic attacks and distorted thinking patterns indicate something a bit more psychological. Going to a doctor will perhaps treat symptoms, but not the causes.

Perhaps a bit of psychological counseling (with an LDS professional) might be in order. This sounds deeper than a hormonal imbalance caused by the body seeking equilibrium after the expulsion of the placenta.

pushka · #9 (**permalink**) 05-23-2006, 05:27 PM

Speaking only from a 'medical' viewpoint, I believe that women who have previously suffered from PPD can receive extra hormonal treatment during their pregnancies to attempt to prevent this occurring again. It is believed, at least in part, to be the result of the body having a sudden loss of Progesterone once the woman has given birth to her child. In most cases this just leads to the '3 day baby blues', but in more severe cases leads to PPD.

I would definitely seek counsel from your GP and Midwives about this before considering having any more children.

shanstress70 · #10 (**permalink**) 05-23-2006, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Maybe there are deeper issues here than just body chemistry. We seem to live in a society that thinks drugs is the answer to everything -- if Jonny can't concentrate, label him ADD and pump him full of ritalin. But never just give him a better school or some exercise combined with a can of Coke. Or if someone has PMS give them drugs, oh wait, that has been done for years...in the old days doctors prescribed marijuana for PMS and other ailments -- but then marijuana is a drug (cause it's illegal now) but more expensive pharmaceuticals are legal even though they are more powerful and costly.

I am not saying drugs have no place, and I am not taking the far side of Tom Cruise on this subject, but panic attacks and distorted thinking patterns indicate something a bit more psychological. Going to a doctor will perhaps treat symptoms, but not the causes.

Perhaps a bit of psychological counseling (with an LDS professional) might be in order. This sounds deeper than a hormonal imbalance caused by the body seeking equilibrium after the expulsion of the placenta.
[/b]

I agree that sometimes medicine is necessary, sometimes counseling is necessary, and sometimes a mixture is needed.

Whatever the treatment, I still say they should stop with two children. And don't tell me that she should discuss it with God and do what He says she should do. That's exactly what Andrea Yates did. According to her, God told her that she should kill the children so they could go to heaven and be with Him.

I hate to be so insensitive as to compare this situation with the Yates', but one can't help but think of the connection.