Advice Is Needed For A Talk That Had Gone Bad

Deazone · #1 (**permalink**) 05-29-2006, 01:41 AM

When my wife and I went to Sacrament yesterday, there was a theme for the month regarding emergency preparedness. One of the speakers based her talk on hippies, and how they were long haired, how they took money from the government, and then protested against the government. The speaker then started to speak against homosexuals. These talks were generalizations, and hate filled towards gays and people on Social Security. My wife was really upset, and refused to go to Gospel.

We are both new to LDS, I tried to explain to her this is not how most lds behave (she should know one of her best friends is one) but she does not believe me. I still have an interest in attending Church, and she agrees to go with me, however, she is now carrying a grudge towards LDS in general. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do? Both her and I are fairly opened minded, and do not hate Gay people, or people who need Social Security. I understand that God considers homosexual acts a sin, but I place no judgment against the sinner, nor does she.

I feel horrible, because her anger was apparent in the way she carried herself, and several members did make an attempt to cheer her up without bringing up the topics, but by that time she was already upset and brushed them off.

I do not want to place this burden on the Missionaries; I would rather discuss it with her myself. She had already asked them earlier last week on the matter and they explained to her that they as individuals were not anti-gay, and one even stated that he had a friend in school that was gay.

prisonchaplain · #2 (**permalink**) 05-29-2006, 02:50 AM

Quote:

I do not want to place this burden on the Missionaries; I would rather discuss it with her myself. She had already asked them earlier last week on the matter and they explained to her that they as individuals were not anti-gay, and one even stated that he had a friend in school that was gay.[/b]

Here's a non-LDS take:

1. You and your wife are one. So, you need to be as supportative of her are you are the LDS Church. You may think she overracted, or is being too judgmental towards the movement. However, in your responses, you need to protect her feelings, and make sure she knows you're with her all the way.

2. Why not "burden the missionaries?" It's what they do. They officially represent the church--and know much more about it than you do. They handle pointed inquiries on a daily basis. Surely you're wife will not be the first to charge the LDS church with homophobia.

Since you are new to the faith, my outsider's advice is to let the official representatives of the church (the missionaries) speak for it. Sit back, listen, caress your wife's hand as she listens, and when she speaks. Ultimately, you'll want to make this eternally important decision together, won't you? You'll do better to stand by her than to too quickly side with the church and leave her feeling isolated.

Just my two-cents, of course.

miztrniceguy · #3 (**permalink**) 05-29-2006, 07:02 AM

i agree with PC on this...and suggest also talking to the bishop

there may have been more than one person offended

Lindy · #4 (**permalink**) 05-29-2006, 08:18 AM

Quote:

i agree with PC on this...and suggest also talking to the bishop there may have been more than one person offended[/b]

And I agree with miztrniceguy here too~ there are a lot of people on social security for different reasons.... even children. And there are LDS parents with homosexual children. The bishop should make it a point to have something said in a meeting to try to smooth down some ruffled feathers, I remember one brother from my old ward who apologized to the whole congregation one Fast and Testimony Sunday for something he had said to someone earlier .... it bothered him that what he said would have been taken the wrong way by those who could overhear the conversation. I think it was noble of him... well, that and it was the right thing to do.

Had a talk with a friend the other day, and he mentioned how he doesn't see Jesus in our Church, and how that bothers him. It's members who offend others like that woman did, who put the troubled feelings in the heart of others towards the church and how it looks down on others as a whole.

I wish we could all learn by the mistakes of others, and remember that that there are plenty of long haired "hippies" who are more Christ like than some members who take the stand to give a talk.

Palerider · #5 (**permalink**) 05-29-2006, 06:48 PM

Okay folks here is my take on this......I would be curious as to what this couple was asked to speak on....and if they were not assigned a topic to speak on I want to know why not.....we always ask members when giving a talk to speak on the topic we assign...if they wander off that topic then the speaker and myself will have a meeting.......I too would be very offended by what was said ......The Bishop is the leader of the congrgation.......

Laureltree · #6 (**permalink**) 05-31-2006, 10:22 AM

Quote:

When my wife and I went to Sacrament yesterday, there was a theme for the month regarding emergency preparedness. One of the speakers based her talk on hippies, and how they were long haired, how they took money from the government, and then protested against the government. The speaker then started to speak against homosexuals. These talks were generalizations, and hate filled towards gays and people on Social Security. My wife was really upset, and refused to go to Gospel.

We are both new to LDS, I tried to explain to her this is not how most lds behave (she should know one of her best friends is one) but she does not believe me. I still have an interest in attending Church, and she agrees to go with me, however, she is now carrying a grudge towards LDS in general. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do? Both her and I are fairly opened minded, and do not hate Gay people, or people who need Social Security. I understand that God considers homosexual acts a sin, but I place no judgment against the sinner, nor does she.

I feel horrible, because her anger was apparent in the way she carried herself, and several members did make an attempt to cheer her up without bringing up the topics, but by that time she was already upset and brushed them off.

I do not want to place this burden on the Missionaries; I would rather discuss it with her myself. She had already asked them earlier last week on the matter and they explained to her that they as individuals were not anti-gay, and one even stated that he had a friend in school that was gay.
[/b]

I personally don't feel bad for her, I agree with her ! Some people need to leave there aweful views at home.... The church is not the place to discuss Race ( weather you want your children to marry outside there race), Religion ( views against other religions), Politics ( who we better vote for ), Sex ( what we should or should not think of sexual prefrence) The church is a place for doctrine and doctrine alone, this is why the general authorities have continued to tell us to please use only authorised materials...Because this is the kind of frusteration and contention brought upon us because of someone SIMPLY NOT THINKING !!!!!
Maybe if she does voice her opinion then people will realize why the general authorities have the regulations they have.....People add to much of there own whoopla to religion....

I personally would share my opinion with the missionaries, they will share them up the chain of command ....If you felt this way, others could have as well and just been embarrassed to say anything....
Hugs... so sorry she had to go through it...
LaurelTree

Stay true, stay strong,Have faith

aportmann · #7 (**permalink**) 05-31-2006, 10:56 AM

OUCH!

I don't think that I have ever attended a Sacrament Meeting that would have been so uncomfortable, even without the speaker bringing up the gays! I'm sure that there were many people that were at least bothered by the comments made.

The topics talked about are tough and never should have been brought up, sometimes even with best friends! They are opinions that should have been left outside.

I agree with the previous posts - talk to the missionaries, talk to the bishop. Hopefully they can smooth things over. I have a couple of brothers that are very vocal about their dislike of homosexuals, and for the most part I've tried to tune them out, but maybe I shouldn't. Who knows who else they're hurting. My husband is a convert and doesn't like their comments, but he doesn't say anything either. I've worked with several gays. I do not agree with their lifestyle, but they are people, and they are still children of God.

Don't force your wife to make any decisions. Let her know that you would still like to have her attend church with you (I'm sure you already have). I've heard that there are many members of my ward that no longer attend because they have been offended - I don't know if it happened at home or at church. I hope that it doesn't come to that for your wife, that she understands that this sort of thing doesn't happen very often. These kinds of people should be ignored. Or maybe you should let the person know that they have deeply offended. I'm not sure if I could actually do this, but it's an option, and maybe the person doesn't realize that they were not speaking wisely. They were not in a debate, but at church, where there are a million better options to be speaking, especially with the emergency preparedness theme.

It's sad that this person used the opportunity to share the gospel to share opinions.

aportmann · #8 (**permalink**) 07-09-2006, 04:57 PM

I was in a teacher improvement class today when a few quotes were shared that brought your situation to mind. The one that MOST applies is the last, by President Spencer W. Kimball. The few quotes can be found in the "Teaching, No Greater Call" resource guide, pages 204-205.

President Joseph Fielding Smith said, "It is not pleasing to me when I attend a service and someone is called upon to speak who stands before the people and presents, though it be in a pleasing way, some platitudes, some philosophy of men -- the ideas of those who today mould the thought of the world, but who in their own hearts have no faith in or love for Jesus Christ -- or who discuss questions at variance with the fundamental principles of the gospel" (Doctrines of Salvation, comp. Bruce R. McComkie, 3 vols. [1954-56], 2:342).

President Marion G. Romney: "When I drink from a spring I like to get the water where it comes out of the ground, not down the stream after the cattle have waded in it . . . I appreciate other people's interpretation, but when it comes to the gospel we ought to be acquainted with what the Lord says" (address to religious educators, 13 Apr. 1973; quoted by J. Richard Clarke in Conference Report, Oct. 1982, 19; or Ensign, Nov. 1982, 15).

President Spencer W. Kimball: "No one has the right to give his own private interpretations when he has been invited to teach in the organizations of the Church; he is a guest, . . . and those whom he teaches are justified in assuming that, having been chosen and sustained in the proper order, he represents the Church and the things which he teaches are approved by the Church" (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 532-33).

Hope these help!

Idacat · #9 (**permalink**) 07-13-2006, 04:32 PM

Well, I might have actually got up and left in the middle of the talk.

I think "we" all have to realize that there are the narrowminded, the bigots, and the downright nutcases to be found everywhere, even among our own flock.

We need to learn to "blow them off", however difficult that may be.

Myself, I'd worry more about the impression of LDS that this speaker is spreading in the community even moreso than in an offensive talk in a meeting.

I'd also bet my bottom dollar that you and your wife, being new, may have been shocked by the speakers' views, but others not so much, because they had heard them before, albeit not in a public address.