2 Problems

[technicolor]

Well, I'm 14 years old and I have 2 little problems...

I know a girl and we are kind of "Going steady" as they would call it... but I dont know how serious we should be, It's in my understanding that we should treat eachother like good friends and not date, and not kiss... but I dont know how much lower I should be going... the idea has come up many times that we just be good friends, but I've thought about it and I've really decided thats not exactly what I want. so my question here is how serious should I be with a girl at the age of 14?

My second problem also has to do with this girl, she is currently innactive and I feel it my responsibility to help her become active again. I know and I have been told 100 times or so that I'm not the one to do that, it is the spirit of the holy ghost... but I wouldnt know how I would be to invite her to church or something without offending her, how do I go about that?

please dont try to insult me in any way without meaning it in the best... I do realize that at my age I possibly shouldnt be dealing with these kinds of things anyway, thank you for understanding, I will check back later...

[Palerider]

pretty versed for 14 yrs old.........

[technicolor]

pretty versed for 14 yrs old.........
[/b]

I tend to be that way when I'm trying to make things understandable ' I just wanted to cover all areas of the problem

[Lindy]

Well, I'm 14 years old and I have 2 little problems...

I know a girl and we are kind of "Going steady" as they would call it... but I dont know how serious we should be, It's in my understanding that we should treat eachother like good friends and not date, and not kiss... but I dont know how much lower I should be going... the idea has come up many times that we just be good friends, but I've thought about it and I've really decided thats not exactly what I want. so my question here is how serious should I be with a girl at the age of 14?

My second problem also has to do with this girl, she is currently innactive and I feel it my responsibility to help her become active again. I know and I have been told 100 times or so that I'm not the one to do that, it is the spirit of the holy ghost... but I wouldnt know how I would be to invite her to church or something without offending her, how do I go about that?

please dont try to insult me in any way without meaning it in the best... I do realize that at my age I possibly shouldnt be dealing with these kinds of things anyway, thank you for understanding, I will check back later...[/b]

Well technicolor..... your smart enough to realize that perhaps you shouldn't be dealing with the issue of dating at 14. I raised 4 children, so I can tell you from experience.... 14 is a great age to hang out with friends.... at that age you start questioning a lot of things, and unfortunately seeing how far your boundaries go is one of them. But just remember that rules and guidelines are there to help you, not punish you. I think that the guidelines of not "dating" at 14 is a way to help protect the young people from getting too far involved with each other, and to try to avoid problems with the raging hormones of youth. If you really like a girl , you treat her with respect .... that doesn't mean wondering how much lower you should be going. Too many young people start "dating" at an early age... and to be honest.... it leads to a lot of more serious issues. A young teenager is learning to deal with different emotions, thinking patterns, and hormones all at the same time. That with the pressures of school, family, friends and life in general.... it's a lot to deal with.
At 14, in my opinion, they should be having fun being teenagers.... not off doing heaven knows what in the shadows .....Not a time when you think you can start exploring each other ..... cause it won't stop there. It's easy to say..... "I won't"... another thing to actually mean it when that time comes to stop what your doing and walk away.
It's a time to start finding out who you are inside, what you want to be, where you want to go in life... and to enjoy just being with friends ... dances, sports, activities, movies. More group things.... that's how you get to know each other without the pressures of .... "how far can I go?"

How serious should you be? Good friends still sounds like the best route to take at 14...... gotta have something to look forward to in your mid teens when you mature even more and want to branch off and go out with different girls.... see what the world has to offer mentality wise. That's when you get to find the type of person you want to keep by your side for the rest of your life ...... and than keep looking for her until you find her.
But that's the mom side of me... what I would tell my sons if they asked that same question.

[technicolor]

<div class='quotemain'>
Well, I'm 14 years old and I have 2 little problems...

I know a girl and we are kind of "Going steady" as they would call it... but I dont know how serious we should be, It's in my understanding that we should treat eachother like good friends and not date, and not kiss... but I dont know how much lower I should be going... the idea has come up many times that we just be good friends, but I've thought about it and I've really decided thats not exactly what I want. so my question here is how serious should I be with a girl at the age of 14?

My second problem also has to do with this girl, she is currently innactive and I feel it my responsibility to help her become active again. I know and I have been told 100 times or so that I'm not the one to do that, it is the spirit of the holy ghost... but I wouldnt know how I would be to invite her to church or something without offending her, how do I go about that?

please dont try to insult me in any way without meaning it in the best... I do realize that at my age I possibly shouldnt be dealing with these kinds of things anyway, thank you for understanding, I will check back later...[/b]

Well technicolor..... your smart enough to realize that perhaps you shouldn't be dealing with the issue of dating at 14. I raised 4 children, so I can tell you from experience.... 14 is a great age to hang out with friends.... at that age you start questioning a lot of things, and unfortunately seeing how far your boundaries go is one of them. But just remember that rules and guidelines are there to help you, not punish you. I think that the guidelines of not "dating" at 14 is a way to help protect the young people from getting too far involved with each other, and to try to avoid problems with the raging hormones of youth. If you really like a girl , you treat her with respect .... that doesn't mean wondering how much lower you should be going. Too many young people start "dating" at an early age... and to be honest.... it leads to a lot of more serious issues. A young teenager is learning to deal with different emotions, thinking patterns, and hormones all at the same time. That with the pressures of school, family, friends and life in general.... it's a lot to deal with.
At 14, in my opinion, they should be having fun being teenagers.... not off doing heaven knows what in the shadows .....Not a time when you think you can start exploring each other ..... cause it won't stop there. It's easy to say..... "I won't"... another thing to actually mean it when that time comes to stop what your doing and walk away.
It's a time to start finding out who you are inside, what you want to be, where you want to go in life... and to enjoy just being with friends ... dances, sports, activities, movies. More group things.... that's how you get to know each other without the pressures of .... "how far can I go?"

How serious should you be? Good friends still sounds like the best route to take at 14...... gotta have something to look forward to in your mid teens when you mature even more and want to branch off and go out with different girls.... see what the world has to offer mentality wise. That's when you get to find the type of person you want to keep by your side for the rest of your life ...... and than keep looking for her until you find her.
But that's the mom side of me... what I would tell my sons if they asked that same question.
[/b][/quote]


Thank you, I really appreciate your oppinion... Just because I have a girl who seems like a little more then a friend to me dosnt necesarily mean I dont have friends... I hang out with her and her brother all the time. We never really discuss our relationship seriously in public, we treat eachother like friends... I guess you are right about me wondering how far I can go... I do wonder about what I'm going to do, I have a plan, and I will follow it out

Now my other question is really bothering me... even if we do end up as just good friends I would like her to go to church...

[Lindy]

Now my other question is really bothering me... even if we do end up as just good friends I would like her to go to church...[/b]

So invite her But you dont' have to just invite her to church.... it may be better for you to just invite her to some activities to get her used to being around the church scene a ltitle more.
There are a lot of fun activities I'm sure that she would love to go to. I'm sure you know what her interests are.... it's summertime.... find a couple things to get her to go to with you.... and take it from there.

[technicolor]

<div class='quotemain'>
Now my other question is really bothering me... even if we do end up as just good friends I would like her to go to church...[/b]

So invite her But you dont' have to just invite her to church.... it may be better for you to just invite her to some activities to get her used to being around the church scene a ltitle more.
There are a lot of fun activities I'm sure that she would love to go to. I'm sure you know what her interests are.... it's summertime.... find a couple things to get her to go to with you.... and take it from there.
[/b][/quote]


you mean like combined activities and stake dances?

and as for the relationship earlier... in case I didnt explain well enough, were in kind of a we-will-date-when-we're-old-enough situation...

[Lindy]

<div class='quotemain'>
<div class='quotemain'>
Now my other question is really bothering me... even if we do end up as just good friends I would like her to go to church...[/b]

So invite her But you dont' have to just invite her to church.... it may be better for you to just invite her to some activities to get her used to being around the church scene a ltitle more.
There are a lot of fun activities I'm sure that she would love to go to. I'm sure you know what her interests are.... it's summertime.... find a couple things to get her to go to with you.... and take it from there.
[/b][/quote]


you mean like combined activities and stake dances?

and as for the relationship earlier... in case I didnt explain well enough, were in kind of a we-will-date-when-we're-old-enough situation...[/b][/quote] Smart lad... exactly what I meant the combined activities and stake dances.... from what I can remember... my girls always had fun at both..... And very smart on the date-when-you're- old-enough situation too.... good thinking

[technicolor]

<div class='quotemain'>
<div class='quotemain'>
<div class='quotemain'>
Now my other question is really bothering me... even if we do end up as just good friends I would like her to go to church...[/b]

So invite her But you dont' have to just invite her to church.... it may be better for you to just invite her to some activities to get her used to being around the church scene a ltitle more.
There are a lot of fun activities I'm sure that she would love to go to. I'm sure you know what her interests are.... it's summertime.... find a couple things to get her to go to with you.... and take it from there.
[/b][/quote]


you mean like combined activities and stake dances?

and as for the relationship earlier... in case I didnt explain well enough, were in kind of a we-will-date-when-we're-old-enough situation...[/b][/quote] Smart lad... exactly what I meant the combined activities and stake dances.... from what I can remember... my girls always had fun at both..... And very smart on the date-when-you're- old-enough situation too.... good thinking
[/b][/quote]

Thanks, you've really helped alot

[aportmann]

The leaders of the church have given wise council concerning dating. I believe that the years before reaching age 16 should be used for getting to know yourself and others (then again, it takes awhile for most people to figure out who they are and what they want). I believe that exclusive (steady) dating is discouraged for a reason. My sister recently married the second guy she ever dated (she had only ever dated two guys in her five years of dating), and both were "steady" boyfriends. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, but how can you know what else might be out there without dating and meeting others? As for kissing, well, it's easy for that to get comfortable, and when it starts getting too comfortable sometimes it leads to trouble. When you do start dating, go with another couple or a group. This can be considered safe (when avoiding temptation when it's just the two of you) and a relief if you end up not liking your date for whatever reason.

As for helping your friend become active, the best thing you can probably do is to be her friend. Make sure she knows your standards. She may not even return to church until years down the road (my husband joined the church years after attending Boy Scout activities with his LDS friends, but it was their example that got his interest). If there are things that she is particularly interested in, suggest them for combined Young Men/ Young Women activities and invite her (don't make it a big deal, just let her know what's going on and tell her that you thought she might be interested).

If you still need help concerning this girl or others, talk to an adult who you respect and you know will take your concerns seriously (whether a parent, bishop, young men leader, or someone else).