Lds Help!

[rosie321]

I'm new to this forum thing so please forgive me as I'm probably doing it all wrong.

Ok here's the situation or problem I'm having. I came from a christlike church before I joined the LDS church. The church I belonged to before loved and served God extraordinarily. They clearly demonstrated the love of christ in all that they did and had joy while doing so. They disagree with my association with the LDS church and expressed why but they have continued to love me and do the christlike thing since.

Since I've been with the church-lets just say its a long time-I have tried my hardest to fit in. I have done everything I could. I have diligently tried to follow every command from the heart because of my love of the saviour (not because it will impact my going to somewhere great in the afterlife) I believe strongly that we are all brothers and sisters and are called to love one another in the name of Jesus Christ. I do believe that there are commands that we must follow but some of the ridiculous things that people are being "commmanded" to get to Celestial are really getting under my nerves. It's no wonder why we have more inactives then actives. Some of the more way out examples: some are told they have to be married by age 30 or they won't receive the highest glory , another that they had to have their tattoo removed or else? If you don't go to all the meetings or wait a minute you only have to go to sacrament? The special needs children are automatically guaranteed a place therefore we don't have to worry about actually teaching them or meeting the needs of anyone who is different or can't sit for 3 hours. My head is spinning by all the crazy rules that are used to tear down people rather than build them up.

Did I miss something? What exactly do we have to do? Maybe I'm just completely crazy but I believe in the KISS philosophy. Loving God and his Son Jesus Christ. "There is no other name whereby men maybe saved". As one grows in love of the Saviour that provides motivation to do those things that are pleasing to Him. Why all these extra rules and commands?

Its really getting to me. What is the purpose in it? Isn't the gospel supposed to bring joy? Isn't this supposed to be the plan of happiness? Then why are we acting like God is going to zap us for every little thing? Running to church doing all these things in an empty kind of way.

I'm also really getting sick of being a name on a list or having people give fake offers of support and love. So many times you feel like people talk with you just to check your name off on some stupid list or say anything you need fearing they will or knowing they will never have to back those words up. I have offered the anything you need speech but I have always gone down trying to see that peoples needs were met. Especially if they sincerely asked for something. I have not just left them to fend for themselves. There has been only one time I have really needed something as I had a devastating family situation arise. What bothers me is that a close non member friend actually turned to the church on my behalf. This person is normally very disagreeable towards the church but knowing that I believed it and should have the LDS church support they called the church. Not one person could help, show up or even call. While I know that everyone leads very busy lives outside of the church. I feel that would have been very gospel appropriate to help with. It is something that we are all called to do I thought. Meanwhile my old faith found out about it. They offered any help that they could. They showed that they meant it. What kind of witness did the LDS church provide? The same people want to send out missionaries to this person yet they blew a perfectly good missionary opportunity. This persons bad impression of the church has only increased 10 fold. More damage was done. How crazy can they be? Or I guess how crazy can I be? I've noticed this before and since this incident have become extremely sensitive to it . I'm at the point now I don't even want to go back to the LDS church at all. I'd rather go where everyone can have the opportunity to love and follow Christ without feeling like I'm doing it all wrong and that all these other hippocritical people are on the right path. I almost wish I had never ever come across this church.

[begood2]

Rosie,

I'm sorry that you have had such a bad experience with the church in your area.

For me it is exactly the opposite. I have truly met some awesome people here in the church and they have all been extremely helpful.

[pushka]

Rosie, I'm sorry to hear of your experiences too. Obviously you will encounter people who are good and not so good everywhere you go, but I can understand you expecting to find the good people at your local church.

I am not a member of the LDS church, and I'm just wondering why you left the church you previously belonged to?

You have lots of questions about the doctrines of the LDS church, from what I've read of your posts, I'm wondering if you chose to change religions too quickly, without fully researching the LDS church, and you are now regretting that decision?

[Dr T]

How long have these issue been difficult for you Rosie321? New thing? What causes you the most difficulty?

Just curious.

[JohnTaylor1886]

Rosie:

My condolences. Perhaps this experience I had may help to put things in perspective.

I returned from a mission in Warsaw, Poland in November of 1998. By that time, the branch that I had attended had become a ward, and many people had moved in, people that I did not know. The once friendly and close nature of the branch that I was in became much too impersonal.

Before long, I was given a calling. The calling was not hard, but what was hard is that I felt that I was expected to put the needs of my ward ahead of my own. In addition to my calling, I was given an assignment to be an interpreter for the Sacrament meeeting for the Spanish language. (There were no people my age anywhere in the ward, and I was the only Young Single Adult there, and I was 25.) Some people from the stake came up and asked me if I knew anyone who was not active in the Young Single Adults', and I said that I did not, that I had just gotten back from Poland. There were over 100 on the roster! I went to the bishop to ask for help in reactivationg some of the Young Single Adults and was curtly told "I'm sorry, but you are the last priority in the ward. There are families that need tending and counsel, and there are other things that take priority."

I then quickly told the bishop to release me forthwith. I was released within 2 weeks. I felt that to provide for my own needs strictly from my own spirit while giving everything else that I had was not what the Lord had intended. I soon went from ward to ward to find a place where I could feel more at ease, and not have everyone stare at me because I was still single

In January 2001, I then found a ward that was a Young Single Adults ward about 50 miles away. I stayed there for a litttle over 1 year and then I got engaged and transferred my records back home.

In 2004, I was laid-off, the engagement was broken as well as the relationship, and things were desperate. I was 31. I still got the strange looks from being single. I remember one brother had a 17-year-old daughter and he asked me why I wasn't dating and trying to get married...and he knew the situation of the lack of eligible people in the ward. I then cuttingly asked him to hand over his 17-year-old daughter and I would be dating very soon. Of course, he had a look of shock on his face, but then he realized what he had said and apologized.

I had been going to the temple and trying to feed myself spiritually from attending the temple and studying the scriptures. In September 2005, I became a fundamentalist Mormon and I was taken in by a loving, caring group. Although I am across the counrty from them, me being in Georgia and they being in Arizona, we still talk and they still keep me in their prayers.

Later the bishop called me in his office after hearing of my conversion to fundamentalism. I then saw his true colors. While I will not say that he is an evil man, his desire to judge outweighed his desire to love. I saw this as he was speaking to me. He accused me of asking the church to provide me a job and a wife and said that the church had no obligation to do either. This further put distance between me and the Church, and I explained to him that my obligation is not to the Church, but to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. My covenants are with Jesus Christ, and not with the Church or any of its representatives.

Now that you have read my experience, here is the bottom line. It is very easy to become angry and bitter against a group, ward, organization that you feel is demanding far more than it is providing. I read your story and my heart goes out to you; it truly does. Realize that the Church is NOT the end-all, be-all of your relationship with God. It was never intended to be. Anyone that thinks that way needs to go and read the scriptures again.

Your relationship with God and your happiness depends on how well you want to serve God and love Him. Your happiness and strength of spirit do not depend upon the bishop, the stake president, or the prophet. It is sad that in many wards and stakes, the call to "bear one another's burdens" as we have covenanted to do during baptism has largely gone unanswered.

Do not let that discourage you. Do not let your testimony and your faith be shaken by what other people do or fail to do. Do not let your soul be crushed because of the indifference of others. Especially, do not give heed to fables that are spun by people in the ward. It sickens me that people choose to go by the "doctrine of hearsay" rather than "doing their homework" and studying the scriptures and strengthening your relationship with God. I am not going to insult you by saying that you should go back to church or that you should take a calling. I am only saying that the flaws of people in the Church should not strain your relationship with God.

When I found these things out, I felt liberated. You have to know for yourself what is true and not true. You have to establish that relationship with God by opening yourself up to him, and trusting completely in His care. It is He and He alone that knows your every need, and if you ask, He will give it to you, in or out of the Church. But you have to ask yourself "What is my need?" The Lord will answer your needs, and I have had some beautiful experiences where the Lord has directly answered my prayer after pouing my heart out to him when I felt all alone.

You also know that being charitable is good. You feel better, and you become that much stronger. I have known the strength that comes from serving your fellow man. It is wonderful and it takes your spirit very high. Being charitable is wonderful, but also realize that you also have to be on solid ground when giving charity.

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." (James 1:27). This far transcends any church, religious group, or ministry organization.

I honestly hope that the hurt and the pain will quickly subside. I will keep you in my prayers, and I want you to feel free to drop a message or two if you want to talk. May the Lord bless you, and may you find that peace for which you desperately seek.

[shanstress70]

Very good advice, JT! I agree that it doesn't matter so much what denomination you are. Your relationship with Christ is the most important. You can worship Him no matter where you are, if you even go to church at all. I think church is more for us than it is for God.

I have the same questions as Pushka... if you were so happy in your previous church, why did you convert to LDS?

I converted for the opposite reason - I didn't belong to a church or denomination and was always searching. I converted to the church that my boyfriend (now husband) belonged to. I figured, "Why not? It's not like I belong to a church, and it is so important to him." Then I learned about many of the issues I had not previously heard of and eventually left.

If you do not feel that the LDS church is the one true church, then maybe you should go back to the church that you once felt comfortable at, and close to God. That's what it's all about, IMO.

My heart goes out to you because I remember the sinking, heavy feeling when my faith was undergoing change and everything was up in the air. Just give yourself some time... you'll figure it out. Maybe the LDS church will begin to make sense and you'll get the answers you need. If so, stay. But if you don't, keep on searchin' Sista! You'll find your faith eventually... and I don't mean church, although you'll probably find that too.

What's your family situation like? Are you married? If so, is he LDS too? Children?

[LionHeart]

Hi rosie.
First of all, there are certain commandments which God expects us to follow but it is our responsibility to find out what they are. I find, in many cases, that some people get fanatical about certain things in which they are successful and therefore they decide that everyone must do it the same way they do. For example, it is easy for someone who doesn't like smoking, to criticize those who do; with no regard to the possibility that maybe this person just immensly enjoys the flavor of the smoke. (not that I encourage smoking or anything) These two people are faced with entirely different challenges in this life and before they pass judgement, they should take into consideration that just because it's easy for one person to not smoke, does not mean that it is so easy for many others; it may, in fact, be quite a challenge.
Getting back to the commandments of God, one of the biggest challenges men face in this area is the lack of ability to prove their belief to be the true belief. There are precepts of God, and there are precepts of men. Which ones are which? That is the trick question. But one thing to keep in mind is that truth is truth; no matter how strongly someone believes differently, no matter how much they despise it, no matter what someone does, or how hard they try, no one can change that fact; and no one can make one truth false or one false truth. Many people accept a certain concept to be true only because it is convenient for them. But when a certain concept puts them in a bad position, it is very easy for them to reject it; regardless of how true or how false it may be.
Here is a good example:
Imagine a box. Inside this box is a stone. On one hand we have a man that says "Behold, I have looked inside the box and mine eyes have seen the stone; and behold it is blue."
And a group of people say "Excellent! Blue is my favorite color. I always hoped the stone would be blue. I am certainly glad that it is."
While other people say "Blue??? I can't stand that color. I refuse to believe that it's blue."
Then another man says "Behold, I have looked in the box and mine eyes have seen the stone; and behold it is red."
And these people that didn't like blue say "Red??? That's more like it!! I certainly like red better than blue. I will join this group.
So now we have two people who claim to have looked in the box but they disagree on the color of the stone. Certainly one or both of these men are lying. So the only way to solve this dilemma is to go over to the box and look inside. Only then will we know the true color of the stone. We may not like what we find, however, that is not very likely because only those who put forth the effort to look in the box are truly sincere about learning the truth. And along the path of gaining that privelidge, they are blessed with an understanding of why the stone is the color that it is. And after we have gained this privelidge, we may go and tell someone what color the stone is and they might reject it. Why? Because they do not have the understanding of why the stone is that color. And if their desire for truth is not strong enough, they will never have that understanding.
So now the question becomes : How do you look in the box, and where do you find it? The answers to these questions can be found by reading Alma 32:28-36 in the Book of Mormon, and lecture sixth in the Lectures on Faith. If anyone needs explaining on how they connect, feel free to PM me and I will try to help.
So like what was mentioned before, your relationship with God is more important than your standing in any religion; and it is up to us to find out which religion is true.

I'm sad to hear of your experiences rosie. i believe the LDS Church to be Christ's true church on the earth. There are alot of covenants and duties that arise from joining Christ's Church. They can be overwhelming, and it's okay to feel that way. I think everyone does at some point. I too wonder what prompted you to be baptized into the LDS Church?

For my part, I believe that the ordinances and doctrines of salvation are found in their fulness in the LDS Church. The Church is perfect; the members aren't. I've run across my share of tactless, careless, rude and inept church members and leaders in my life. I know it's not fun to feel misunderstood, underappreciated or the target of artificial concern.

I know I wouldn't leave the Church with its ordinances and truth for anything or anyone. Is it easy to plod along through difficult times or difficult congregations? No. The "doctrines" you mentioned earlier are people's habits, nothing more. Ignore them. The truth is in the scriptures. To return to God's presence in the Celestial Kingdom, there are discrete, specific things we need to do:

Gain a testimony of Christ as our Savior and of the Restoration of his Church.
Be baptized into Christ's Church.
Be confirmed a member of Christ's Church and receive the Gift of the Holy Ghost.
If male, receive the Aaronic and then Melchizedek Priesthood.
Make and keep temple covenants.
Be worthy to attend the temple at any time by enduring to the end.

The Church is an organization whose purpose is meant to help individuals and families live the gospel and receive its blessings. When imperfect people hinder--not help--us with this goal, it is unfortunate. I would not place my covenants and testimony in the closet because someone else is not living the gospel fully.

Peace the gospel brings comes from living the gospel, not living the "mormon culture." There's a difference between "mormon culture" and LDS doctrine. Ignore the "little people" with their little minds. Love them, if you can, and you will grow beyond what you thought possible. You don't have to "like" someone to love them, in terms of Christ-like love.

I pray you'll re-examine your testimony and reasons for joining the LDS Church. I've been blessed by meeting wonderful people, partaking in wonderful ordinances and acquiring a testimony of wonderful eternal truths. All the inconsiderate and untrained members/leaders in the Church can't rob me of my covenants or relationship with God and His Son. The Church structure is divine, I believe, but the people aren't always so divine as you well know. I pray you'll re-discover the blessings and joy that are available from serving, loving and forgiving others when they don't serve and love you so well.

Christ is alive.
Christ's church is restored.
Christ is coming.

May we be worthy to be caught up to meet him on that day. I hope to be there, and see you there rosie.

[Lindy]

Rosie,
I understand your feelings more than I can say... If I was in this church for the people in it ...I would be gone in a heartbeat. I have never felt so alone in my life being in the family ward I am in. Too old to be in the YSA ward, and too cautious to be in the SA ward. I converted to LDS as an adult... not for the people, but for the truths I found that I had been looking for. That is what keeps me in this church....the knowledge I have that I refuse to give up for anyone, even myself..... sure I could go to another church and feel included....a part of the church family..... but I know the truth...and that is the most important things for me.

What JohnT said is how I feel too

Your relationship with God and your happiness depends on how well you want to serve God and love Him. Your happiness and strength of spirit do not depend upon the bishop, the stake president, or the prophet. It is sad that in many wards and stakes, the call to "bear one another's burdens" as we have covenanted to do during baptism has largely gone unanswered.[/b]

You sound like you know what the important things are..... Love God, Love Christ, Love Others. Your happiness depends on you. Keep up with your service to others, your faith in what you know is true... your faith and happiness is between you and God.... don't let others try to take you down. As hard as it can be.... just hang in there.

[rosie321]

Thanks everyone for all your thoughts, encouragement and support. I'm both grateful and sad that some of you have had similar kinds of experiences. (JohnTaylor and Lindy especially). It's a testament to see that you are still plodding forward despite all the frustrations and stupid things that people say and do. That you keep persevering and looking to what you believe Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ would have you do. Either we're just crazy or we're on the right path I guess. Scriptures say to be hot or cold because if we're lukewarm we'll be spewn out. You're plodding forward through everything would classify most likely in the hot or cold realms.

As to the questions of why I joined the church. Good question! I wasn't looking for it thats for sure. We just crossed paths. When I saw it it seemed like it was the Church of Christ. That I would be doing the will of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. That the commands and doctrines would be something to draw me closer to both. That I would better be an instrument of good in this world. Unfortunately my family and most of my friend thought I was crazy and expressed very clearly their opinions.

Then when I got into all the "To Do Lists" that individuals throw at you I noticed they become longer and the joy seemed to disappear behind paperwork and the proper procedures. Peoples gossip and attitudes start to really annoy me. Sometimes its too easy to wonder why did I join. When it comes time to sharing the gospel with others sometimes I find myself questioning why would I want to put them through this experience or fear how much damage might this do to them . instead of feeling this is so great it will make your life better and draw you closer to HF and Christ.... It breaks my heart that I feel this way. Sometimes I feel so frustrated or hurt by things I wish I had never heard of this church. It hurts too bad. Sometimes I don't want to think or feel.

Also "this church is true" phrase annoys me at times. If this is it then let me start crying now is the way I feel. At least with other churches that statement doesn't matter. You are just serving and loving God. The number one priority. I quess that statement shoves the number 3 to the top in my mind which is not where it should be. (1. God 2. Family 3. Church) If you don't acknowledge that phrase its easier to move on without fear of not completing some ordinance in the proper way. It's possible to serve God in many diverse ways outside the church. This church is very limited.


I guess deep down I believe that the doctrines of the church will ultimately draw one closer to Christ and make people happier even though I may not always feel it or understand exactly why at times. Right now I'm dealing with some extremely heavy things and feel maxed out.

Thanks again all for your wonderful, varied and thoughtful responses. I appreciate all the support that each one of you have given.