Did I say/do the right thing??

[applepansy]

Originally Posted by confuzzled

I appreciate all the responses....even those who don't agree w/ my actions.

And yes I do (and hope I still) have a relationship with my nephew.

And I guess IF it was one or two beers on the weekend I would really have an easier time however it is copious amount of alcohol. He is putting himself at risk legally for MIP (minor in possession) and DUI and not to mention the health risks. I am also well aware of addictive behavior and he is showing some tell tell signs.
Perhaps I am being over protective and over reacting but I have pulled too many dead kids (and yes in my mind he is still a kid) out of cars.

I wish my son had an aunt like you!

Yes, he's still a kid.

Just love him all the more. He might not agree with what you've said but he will always know you love him and you said what you said because you love him.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Originally Posted by confuzzled

He has on numerous occasions stated that he would really like to pursue a career similiar to mine and I have given him numerous suggestions when he has asked.

2. told him that a year ago I would of gladly had him come on a call with me but now w/ his behavior/attitude I wouldn't.

So....did I mess up?

Why did you tell him that? If it is true - you feel his behaviour/attitude would get in the way of him succeeding on a call, then no, you didn't mess up.

If you were trying to punish him for his choices by raining down judgement and consequences from your superior position of moral cleanliness, then yeah, you might have messed up.

So which was it? Were you keeping him from a bad experience, or were you trying to pressure or manipulate him into giving up his vices by taking it on yourself to provide a negative consequence?

[confuzzled]

Loudmouth......

It wasn't my intent to punish but to inform (rather bluntly) that his choices and actions now can and will have dire consequences. That he is treading on dangerous ground.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

I just want to make clear - the dire consequences you're talking about, are that unless he stops drinking, folks like you will reject him and his company, and not help him pursue his career goals. I mean, I know that sounds a bit strong or crass or whatever - but do I understand correctly?

[confuzzled]

Loudmouth.....
Yep you understand correctly.

Plus the fact that IF he does get himself into legal trouble (MIP & DUI & poss. public intox charges etc...) he wouldn't pass a background investigation.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Ok - thanks for the confirmation. I'm really not trying to be offensive or anything. From what I can tell, there are two schools of thought on how to treat kids doing dumb stuff like this. Reject them, or accept them. I am absolutely not wise enough to advocate one way or the other. I know that both can be done with love and concern as the motivating factor.

My wife is firmly in the 'accept them' camp, and I've seen her work miracles. Her most recent case is a girl who got kicked out of her house by her good christian parents because she claimed to be gay. Her girlfriend broke up with her, so she took a dive out of a 2nd story window. None of the 'good people' in her life will give her the time of day. Her support system rests with the GLBT people, the drug scene, and maybe my wife if she can get to her in time.

I don't have the right answer. If I did, I'd write a book and get rich. I've just seen love without judgement, describing consequences without providing them, and being there to kiss the boo-boos once the consequence has been reached, and I've seen that work miracles.

[confuzzled]

I agree Loudmouth infact I agree 100% and I guess what I didn't express is that I did tell my nephew that I still love him and I always will. I also still very much believe that he has the potential to do what I do and be even better at it ..........but.................. if he doesn't change his behavior/actions that path will be closed. That is and was the point I truly hope came across.