Divorce

[rosie321]

Ok this is a complicated situation but I will do my best to explain.

There is a couple very close to me that got married at a very young age out of "necessity". They
have been married many many years. There have been many heartaches over the years. They care about each other but yet they seem to hurt one another and don't know how to things will work out. They are at their wits end. They keep coming to my husband and I for guidance. We keep turning them back to Heavenly Father and each other and to outside help. They have never grew up with any faith so don't have pretty much any basic understanding. On the other hand we have had faith backgrounds. They have been ok with us talking about our faith and what glues us together during the hard times. We have been encouraging of them and shared with them the love, forgiveness and healing that comes through following the gospel of Christ. That everyone makes mistakes and has messed up but its possible for things to be healed. Thats what gives us the strength to get through when we want to strangle each other.

I normally don't agree at all with divorce. Looking at the Bible in the New Testament it is very strong about divorce and remarrying. Its not something that should be taken lightly I feel. It certainly is not what God would choose for us therefore there must be something out there that might help. I really don't know what to say anymore because they keep turning our way and I keep turning them to God and themselves. They tried counseling once but unfortunately got a winner of a counselor who belonged in a psych ward themselves. Are there any good supports that might help? A resource that might help people with no real faith to speak of find healing in this area.

I guess part of me is wondering if they should divorce. Ultimately its a decision between them. Should the partner just walk away if the other is depressed and thats why they might be doing some of their irritating behaviors. Didn't they vow togetherness through sickness and in health? I don't know. On the other hand do they risk continually hurting one another? Maybe its just me but the care that I do feel they have for another and with the help of God can He heal that relationship. I don't know what to think about this relationship. I do know they need to make some choices for their own good and for their childrens
The one partner had a tendancy to go visit distant family, make standards that applied to everyone else or shut out people who were different at all. In fact that partner is still pretty vocal and can be depressive. The other partner is tired of putting up with it. That partner did the best to keep the family together in their eyes. But in the other partners eyes this partner shoved them away and is why they had some of the problems they did. The latter partner is at the point where the relationship should end but doesn't have the strength to or the will to but doesn't know where to go so they have gotton their own place. While they have a tendancy to keep hurting one another I really don't believe they have gotton to the point of no return. The other partner is angry and feels as though they are honestly putting in efforts but is mad the partner who is usually there because they are out trying to find themselves and not at home. I could go on. Its just a back and forth mess. What sources might help them put the pieces together or finally make the decision enough is enough?

[Traveler]

Just one little bit of advise. Anything worth while must be obtained by effort. Usually the things most worth while must be obtained by the greater effort.

For some reason we have become to believe in our society that we "fall" in love - that real loving relationships do not require effort. Perhaps this is why most marriages end in divorce. Making a marriage work is a real and true accomplishment.

If your friends are not much in to accomplishment and working at worth while things then perhaps encouraging them is not worth it. But I wonder - What kind of effort would they be willing to put into their marriage for $10,000,000.00? If for money they are willing to make more of an effort than they are making now I can tell you one problem they have with their priorities that is messing up their relationship.

The Traveler

[smileywiley22]

I admit, i may be very biased on this subject.
even the sound of the word "divorce" brings a pain of sadness. (not that i have experienced it...)
just because of my strong belief in marraige being a holy and eternal order.


the only thing i would suggest.. is get them a counselor that is firm in the faith. maybe your bishop?

and fast and pray for them.