Do missionaries only meet with someone who's committed to baptism soon?

[Max3732]

I've been investigating the church on and off for the past couple years. I'd been meeting with missionaries in my area several times a week and they went through all the lessons again and answered a bunch of my questions.

Periodically they've asked me to think about baptism dates, which I have and I've pushed back. I'm someone whose been following commandments like the word of wisdom my whole life and have basically been following most of the teachings, but I'm still not comfortable with some of the more specific doctrine like exultation.

Despite this the missionaries and people in the ward all think I'm ready to get baptized as its only a first step. In my last meeting with the missionaries I told them my mom is sick and I don't want to get baptized till she gets better as I don't want to put more stress on her and make her worse.

I don't know if they didn't understand or they've been taught to push baptism, but they didn't seem to care and just reiterating how important baptism is and that I should do it anyway. I told them they've done a great job explaining and helping me learn and that even though I'm not going to get baptized for a little while I gain a lot from discussing my concerns and meeting with them.

After this I could see a huge change in them and they said their purpose is to bring people to Christ to get baptized and that if I'm not going to do it there's nothing else for them to teach me. I asked them to meet again and they said it depends on whether I'll get baptized.

Basically now I feel like the missionaries have gone from friends helping me understand the LDS gospel to used car salesman trying to ring up numbers and when they realized I wasn't going to buy the car from them they don't want to spend anymore time on me.

If I want to learn more should I forget about these missionaries completely and try talking the ones on mormon.org or will I have the same problem with them? One of the negative things I've heard about the church is that they care more for other members than their own families and this experience of wanting baptism for me now rather than waiting a few months even if it makes my mom seriously ill kind of confirms that. So is that unusual?

[Eowyn]

If you see it from their perspective, they are taking time out of several of their days per week, have taught you the lessons more than once, and have answered many other questions. I can see how, if you've expressed disinterest in going further, they would feel like they've given you what they have to offer. What more is it that you are wanting from them? Is it "bible bashing" sessions that you're having several times a week? I don't know what kind of questions you're wanting them to answer. While they are your friends, they don't have time to just hang out several times a week. They are giving 2 years of their lives to teach as many and do as much missionary work as they can.

Family is the central unit in the Church. Family always comes first. I don't know why being baptizes would make your mom seriously ill? Do you still live with her, and is she that firmly against the LDS church? Only you know your situation, so I won't comment more on that. But if, for example, you had a wife who said she'd leave you if you were baptized, you certainly wouldn't be pushed to be baptized at the expense of your marriage.

I think my post may come off as a little abrasive. I don't mean it to. I'm just trying to help you see it from another side.

[Vort]

The primary duty of a missionary is to bring people to Christ through baptism. A missionary is not called to be a friend to everyone, at least not in the normal sense of the word. A friend is there for you to help you, even when you are not walking the path he thinks you should walk. A missionary, in contrast, should be there to help those in need, but focuses his time on those who benefit from his efforts. A missionary is a spiritual guide, and there is no use in "guiding" people who don't want to go where you're guiding them.

That said, your description does sound like the missionaries may be a bit overzealous in "pushing" you toward baptism. Baptism is your decision, not theirs. So if you've said, "I don't want to get baptized right away because I'm dealing with a few things in life," and their response is, "Then we won't come teach you any more," that sounds like something is fishy. Not sure what, though.

Internet-based diagnoses of personal difficulties are notoriously inexact. I want to encourage you in your efforts, but I don't want to condemn missionaries I've never even met based on a short, anonymous note on an internet forum, either. I'd say you should just keep pushing on, be honest with the missionaries, let them make whatever decision they feel they should. Pray, read the scriptures, and maybe get back in touch with mormon.org missionaries, if that goes better for you. Missionaries typically serve in an area only for a few months at a time, so soon enough there will be other missionaries in your area.

[Max3732]

I'm not bashing anyone with my questions. The kinds of questions I'm asking are things I haven't understood in church, questions about what I've read in the book of Mormon, questions about how getting baptized affects day to day life, questions about things said by the prophets in the last 50 years or so and more detailed questions about the basic lessons. Also, just having them share gospel stories or talks helps a lot. The 3 hours of church can be overwhelming and its difficult not having anyone I can talk to about what's going on there. It's certainly not just "hanging out" One of my friends also suggested I listen as they teach others and I've brought up that idea but they've never invited me to come along.

I try to research my questions online, but there's often too much info on lds.org or not enough. When I do general searches I also get too much extra info. They also seemed to say that I should just do it then even if she's firmly against it at that point it would be too late.

Without going into too much detail me getting baptized would be very difficult for her and cause a lot of problems right now. Hopefully in a few months she'll be better and it won't be an issue. By then I'm not sure if I can continue learning everything on my own or if I'll want to do this without some kind of help.

In short, I feel like I need guidance and just maintenance with what I've learned already, but they're saying "get baptized or we will not help you anymore"

[Eowyn]

Have you asked if the ward missionaries can help you out? That's more in line with what my husband does in his calling as a ward missionary.

[bytebear]

It sounds to me like you need to integrate with the ward more. you really need to attend church weekly. even if you aren't ready for baptism, you should live your life as if you are a member. Test the doctrines by living them. I would recommend visiting with the bishop and even look at getting a ward missionary or home teachers to transition you from missionaries to ward members. You don't need the missionaries any more. The reason missionaries only stay in a ward for a few months at a time is so that people investigating the church don't rely on friendships or the missionary/investigator relationship to sustain them. The ward is your family, not the missionaries. So, my advice is get involved in your ward, and move on from the missionaries. you don't need them to teach you. You need your ward.

[Dravin]

When I was a missionary my general thought process was:

1) Are they progressing towards a testimony and baptism?
2) Will continuing to meet with them either keep them progressing or help them progress towards a testimony and baptism?

Sounds like your missionaries may be a little overzealous on what constitutes progression but sometimes you encounter people who like to discuss/visit with you but aren't willing to go anywhere at any pace and sometimes it can be hard to distinguish between someone who is progressing slowly and someone who isn't progressing and who you can't seem to help do so.

As far as not getting baptized for family members, ultimately one has to, if they have a testimony that they need to be baptized, make the decision of if they will follow Christ's commandment to be baptized or defer him in favor of the wishes of family. It's an application of Matthew 10:37. Thing is it doesn't sound to me, and my limited understanding of the situation, that you're deferring being baptized because your Mom doesn't want you to, but rather you're wanting to push it back a bit until she's in a slightly better place to accept it (health wise). Sometimes it can be tricky to gauge if someone is serious about waiting one month or if they're just looking for a reason not to be baptized and a month from now once the bronchitis is better if something else will pop up.

Now if I had an investigator back when I was a missionary who honestly was just waiting until Mom got better I'd probably step the visits back a bit (still keep in touch and visit periodically though). My purpose is to help you build a testimony and prepare for baptism, if you there but just waiting for someone to recover from an illness or what have you then you're for the most part there, in a sense my purpose for visiting and teaching you is 'done' and it's a case of transitioning you to learning to lean upon your ward.

Most people a missionary teaches stop progressing for various reasons (missionaries teach a lot more people then get baptized) and so as a missionary you tend to brace and prepare for that moment, sometimes a premature call is made.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Hi Max,

Kudos to you for not doing something you aren't comfortable with. When I was serioiusly investigating the church, I basically kept it a secret from everybody so I could avoid all the pushing and urging and handwringing and commentary and unsolicited advice and everything else. It's not just a mormon thing, mind you. Whenever you've got someone who thinks they have something special and important, they automatically want to share it with people they know and like.

My advice - tell them as kindly as possible that you will be proceeding at your own pace, and you are a little uncomfortable with how much they are pushing. If the pushing continues, feel free to get less kind.

The instant that God lets you know you should be Mormon, go tell the whole world you're ready. Until then, take your time. This is worth thinking through all the way.

[Mamas_Girl]

Originally Posted by bytebear

So, my advice is get involved in your ward, and move on from the missionaries. you don't need them to teach you. You need your ward.

If you're serious about the church, I agree. You need to continue attending church services, and getting home teachers who can help answer questions and fellowship you into the church. Missionaries come and go, but the branch/ward members are typically there for the long haul. Keep attending the investigator classes, if you wish. People like the bishop, ward mission leader, relief society president, etc are just as qualified, if not more so, to answer some of your more advanced or complicated questions, and it will give you a chance to bond with those who will be there with you years down the road. Your ward can also be responsible for your baptism, you do not need the missionaries for that either.

[Max3732]

Thanks for your help everyone. If this is too much info I'm posting let me know

I've been going to church nearly every Sunday and have met a lot of people at church besides the missionaries. Where I go to church is a branch, not a ward so there isn't a ward mission leader here. The members are extremely nice and lot are returned missionaries, but they're all busy with school/work and I don't feel right asking to meet with them regularly although I'm sure they would do it.

I haven't had much luck with the bishop either. I came in with several specific questions that I wanted to have addressed, but instead he asked me some general questions then basically just lectured me the whole time in a way that wasn't very helpful.

Before this whole thing with the missionaries I felt like baptism wouldn't be that big a deal since I already live and act like a member on most issues (and have my whole life). After discussing it with my dad some more we're both kind of taken back and shocked by how uncaring and pushy the missionaries came across. Today my dad asked me if I'd really want to join a church that values baptism over the health of a close family member and where teaching is dependent on joining first.

One of his concerns (and mine too) is that the church might use being nice and all these activities to get people to do things and say that the church family is more important than your own family. From talking to people in the branch a lot of them don't have good relationships with their family or had all kinds of problems. I don't know if this is just a reflection of society in general or if these are the kind of people who join.

My reason for posting this is not to vent, but figure out if most missionaries follow what Loudmouth_Mormon posted about the 2 questions he'd ask or if the missionaries are taught that whatever happens in the investigators life they need to use it to get him baptized.