Homosexuality Acceptance In Preschool

[OCmother]

Hello Everyone! I hope I can find some great advice from everyone on my topic. I am a preschool teacher in Southern California and my 2 children (both boys) attend the same school that I work at. With that info, here is my problem: There is a boy that attends my school who is 4 (almost 5) years old that is awkwardly attracted to girl items. He is in my 4 year old son's class. This boy constanly fights with the other children (girls) to get the Pink crayon, to be the first to try on the homeliving clothes (dressy hats and such), sleeps with a dolly, and says when he grows up he is going to be a mommy. His parents add to this behavior by chuckling when they buy him the newest mermaid doll or princess figurines. For Halloween this boys mother searched high and low to find a "Velma" costume from Scooby-Doo--complete with black bobbed wig and mini-skirt. Well... today Dad dropped him off with a barrett in his hair. I almost died. Is this acceptable in today's society? At four years old, my little boy is being exposed to a transvestite! I have to bite my lip when I see the parents flaunting their child's alternate choices. Am I being a homophobe? I know that this can sometimes be a phase for children but i know this family and this has gone on for longer than a phase--they are weirdos. Someone help me sort out my feelings!

[Dr T]

Hello OCmother,

Just a quick post. At four-years-old I'd be careful labeling him as a homosexual. Perhaps he has been conditioned to be attracted to such objects. Maybe he has a sister(s) and the home is female oriented. At that age, we know developmentally that children seek attention and approval from adults. Maybe be gets this approval in the chuckles that you noted from his parents. They are still learning social problem solving skills. They also accept moral perspectives of caregivers as their own. Those are just my 2 cents.

Dr. T

A homophobe is someone who is afraid of homosexual behavior. You don't sound afraid, just disapproving. I say teach your sons what you believe, tell them what you don't believe is okay, and that's fine. Just because you don't approve of someone doesn't mean you hate them. As long as you don't teach your sons to pick on those with same sex attraction, you're certainly within your rights to instill in them your values of right and wrong.

[shanstress70]

There was a boy in my son's previous preschool who was going through something similar. He wore pink each day, said his favorite color was pink, and liked to dress up in girly clothes in the dress-up area and play with the dolls and such.

His parents were concerned and tried to push him toward more 'boy' things. But that seemed to push him further in the other direction. They just decided to let him go through what they hoped was a phase. I don't know what happened with him, or if he is still going through this a year later, as we've switched schools.

Sometimes parents are doing all they know how to do. And perhaps they were getting professional help with this issue as well.

I will tell you that my son never thought anything of it, except that "'Xxx' likes girl stuff". It certainly didn't affect his 'boy-ness'.

If anything, this situation reinforced my belief that this gender confusion thing is inborn, not learned.

[StrawberryFields]

Shanstress

You bring up in interesting point, Inborn vs Learned.

I have a nephew who has also spoken and moved a lil but more girlie. This of course drives my BIL crazy and he will tell him to stop it. I have never seen him dress up or wear anything other then boy clothes. He is the oldest of 4 boys and is is talented in music. His brothers are still very young but I believe they act very 'boylike'.

[shanstress70]

Another thing I wanted to add is that if you know a boy like this, you should be very careful about making them think there is anything 'wrong' with them. Lots of the bigger problems in life come are a product of low self-esteem, IMO.

[StrawberryFields]

Another thing I wanted to add is that if you know a boy like this, you should be very careful about making them think there is anything 'wrong' with them. Lots of the bigger problems in life come are a product of low self-esteem, IMO.
[/b]

I agree to a point.

I do have to wonder how I would react if this was one of my childs behavior at such a young age. I believe that as parents we want our children to be accepted. I remember a boy in elementary school who acted this way and was teased all the time. Which would be worse, being told not to act a certain way by your family, or being teased by your peers because you were different?

[shanstress70]

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Another thing I wanted to add is that if you know a boy like this, you should be very careful about making them think there is anything 'wrong' with them. Lots of the bigger problems in life come are a product of low self-esteem, IMO.
[/b]

I agree to a point.

I do have to wonder how I would react if this was one of my childs behavior at such a young age. I believe that as parents we want our children to be accepted. I remember a boy in elementary school who acted this way and was teased all the time. Which would be worse, being told not to act a certain way by your family, or being teased by your peers because you were different?
[/b][/quote]
I guess my opinion is that in the long run it's best for your child to have a healthy self-esteem, regardless of the short-term teasing. I think that to some extent self-esteem is not made nor broken by peers, but before that at an earlier age by parents and other early caregivers. If a child has healthy self-esteem when starting school, it's easier for them to shrug off teasing and laugh at themselves.

I'd rather my child be teased and know how to deal with it, than to have low self-esteem and because of that, go along with peer pressure in the later childhood days (ie smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, etc.).

I'm just starting to form my own opinion on all of this though, so it's possible that I can be swayed! Thankfully, I've got a while before I have to deal with all this.

[Heather]

Would you have the same problem with a girl who wanted a black crayon, played with cars, and said she wanted to be a daddy when she grows up?

[Dr T]

Great question Heather. I would say though that a boyish girl stigma vs. a girlish boy have different societal ramifications. Just my skewed opinion.