Waiting For Marriage

nachista · #1 (**permalink**) 08-31-2006, 05:23 PM

Hi all,

I'm brand new to this forum and I have a question.

I'm in a very serious, committed relationship and we are planning on being married in May. My problem...actually OUR problem, is that we are struggling with abstaining from sex. We love each other and want to be married in the temple, but it is very Very VERY difficult.

We've were both raised in the church we both go to the same ward. We've heard all the advice and know in our hearts that we want to remain pure...but when we are alone together we struggle. We love each other very much and we are both healthy, active, and attractive people who are incredibly attracted to each other physically.

How can we bridle this sexual energy and impulses? Is there anything we can do to actually physically decrease sexual energy?

We want to be able to spend quality alone time with each other without ending pushing the limits on what is acceptable but it seems nearly impossible. *sigh* We are both looking for ways and means to help us make it til May, but there just isn't a lot of advice about this out there and the old "Well don't ever be alone together...have chaperones" isn't really practical; I just bought a house, I live there alone and he is always at my house since he lives with his parents. We dont' really WANT to be around other people but sometimes when we're too tempted we go out and seek groups, but then we just end up leaving to be alone again.

It's very frustrating, especially since we keep hearing "Making love is a beautiful and natural thing that can help fulfill you and strengen your relationship...within the bonds of marriage". That's great and all but it doesn't exaclty help us.

Help!

Princess3dward · #2 (**permalink**) 08-31-2006, 06:19 PM

Before I was a member...
I was involved in beaking the law of chastity,
and I have friends who sleep around like crazy...
Basically...
It messes things up SOO BAD if misused.
Always have a good perspective!
CELESTIAL!
KIDS IN THE GOSPLE!
It is all about prespective!
I hope I helped atleast a little.
I am really sick today, otherwise I would get more into detail, or explain more what I mean...
I will check back to see how you are!
Just hang tight!
"no one has ever regretted following the lords commandments"-Leadership conference 2006
It stuck with me!
Good luck!

Dr T · #3 (**permalink**) 08-31-2006, 08:12 PM

If you don't want a haircut don't go to the barber.

Same with putting yourself in a position where stumbling is likely...

Dr. T

#4 (**permalink**) 08-31-2006, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Hi all,

I'm brand new to this forum and I have a question.

I'm in a very serious, committed relationship and we are planning on being married in May. My problem...actually OUR problem, is that we are struggling with abstaining from sex. We love each other and want to be married in the temple, but it is very Very VERY difficult.

We've were both raised in the church we both go to the same ward. We've heard all the advice and know in our hearts that we want to remain pure...but when we are alone together we struggle. We love each other very much and we are both healthy, active, and attractive people who are incredibly attracted to each other physically.

How can we bridle this sexual energy and impulses? Is there anything we can do to actually physically decrease sexual energy?

We want to be able to spend quality alone time with each other without ending pushing the limits on what is acceptable but it seems nearly impossible. *sigh* We are both looking for ways and means to help us make it til May, but there just isn't a lot of advice about this out there and the old "Well don't ever be alone together...have chaperones" isn't really practical; I just bought a house, I live there alone and he is always at my house since he lives with his parents. We dont' really WANT to be around other people but sometimes when we're too tempted we go out and seek groups, but then we just end up leaving to be alone again.

It's very frustrating, especially since we keep hearing "Making love is a beautiful and natural thing that can help fulfill you and strengen your relationship...within the bonds of marriage". That's great and all but it doesn't exaclty help us.

Help! [/b]

You know what is right - do it. You are old enough to know better. First of all, you should never have any man in your home when it is just you there. Thus don't meet there. Meet at a very public place, like the library!

Second of all - the more you dwell on this, the more important it will become to you and the more Satan will tempt you with it.

Keep apart - talk to each other via the computer. You in your house - him at his mothers. Steer clear of intimate talk. That is like adding gasoline to a small fire. That is being stupid. Neither one of you is stupid.

Pray - ask Father to banish the advasary from you. Because that is what it is. Satan is pulling your strings and pushing your buttons. Every day - every hour if necessary - plead with Father to banish this from you. Then do all that you know you are supposed to do.

Here is a little story for you: A recently widowed gentleman got himself a motorhome and decided to travel around and visit all of his children. Before he started up the engine, he said a prayer and asked Father to protect him in his travels. He was out on the open highway, put the cruise control on, then got up out of the drivers seat and went and started making himself a sandwich. You know what happened now don't you. He crashed! Thank heavens there was no one else involved, just the motorhome got totaled. He ended up in the hospital too, with several broken bones. What did he do wrong? He did not do what he was supposed to do. Drive as safely as he knew how.

You know what you are supposed to do. Do IT!

LionHeart · #5 (**permalink**) 08-31-2006, 08:35 PM

......and never ask a barber if you need a haircut...wait a minute, that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.
Hi Nachista, I don't believe you would want to do anything to tone down your desires because after you get married, you will need them. The thing to realize here is the fact that if you end up giving in to those impulses, you will regret it. It will come back and haunt you; whether in this life or the next. It always does.
Just remember, it all comes down to a matter of choice. Regardless of how great the temptation becomes, you will always have the option to choose. It's up to you and your fiance to find within yourselves the willpower to resist the temptations. Can it be said that Nachista and her fiance are two extremely weak individuals? You decide. But also remember, Sexual conduct outside of wedlock is adultry; even if the two people in question are eganged to be married. Adultry is the very thing that cost King David his exaltation in the Celestial Kingdom.
I wish you both the best,
L.H.

Dr T · #6 (**permalink**) 08-31-2006, 09:29 PM

Quote:

...and never ask a barber if you need a haircut...wait a minute, that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.[/b]

Really? No connection there? Wow.

Dr. T

MBASS · #7 (**permalink**) 09-01-2006, 10:46 AM

Any way to just go ahead and get married? The GA's advise against long engagements. I had a beautiful reception pulled off in a couple of months..its not that hard to do! Good Luck!

Royalohh · #8 (**permalink**) 09-01-2006, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Any way to just go ahead and get married? The GA's advise against long engagements. I had a beautiful reception pulled off in a couple of months..its not that hard to do! Good Luck!
[/b]

took the words right out of my mouth.... why the long wait? any way at all to move it up?

if not well i think there has been good advice and I know your hearing it and saying oh yeah easy for you to say your all married.... lol well it is a dificult thing to do. Waiting to be with the one you love and want to be with all the time. just pray alot and as much as you want to dont be alone just dont do it oh and pray and did i menchun prayor?

Princess3dward · #9 (**permalink**) 09-01-2006, 09:31 PM

Not scripture.
Prophet..

moreso church standards.

s0ren · #10 (**permalink**) 09-01-2006, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Not scripture.
Prophet..

moreso church standards.
[/b]

But dont you think its important to follow the scriptures of your religion as they are writen, and not mix it with tradition (ie "church standards)? Traditions mistaken for being divine is a source of many problems. Atleast half of the worlds muslims doesnt know arabic language, and has therefor never read their own holy book (because it is only allowed to be writen in arabic), so many untrue traditions, like circumsition ow women, arranged marriages, and killing for honour, are mistaken for being islamic.