Girls waiting for missionaries..... - Page 2

MarginOfError · #11 (**permalink**) 02-29-2012, 08:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawnspencer

Hello Clevermonkier,

Just so I can clear this up a little bit for you. I dont beleive that there is one person out there and only one person out there for me or anyone else. What I do happen to know, is that she in fact is the love of my life given that I love her and she is in my life. I thank you for your clearly heartfelt advice and would like to happily inform you that your permission to ignore it has been used. I would further request that an attitude of maturity and proffessionalism be used from now on, within this thread.

Thank you.

Shawnspencer

I think maturity is really what is at the heart of this topic. The adolescent mind doesn't finish maturing until the early to mid 20's (20 - 22 for females, 22 - 25 for males). So be worried about whether to ask her to wait for you seems, to me, silly and a bit dangerous.

If she commits herself to waiting for you and avoids dating other people to keep that commitment, she risks inhibiting the final stages of her social and emotional maturity. It isn't healthy.

Quite honestly, the best thing you can do is tell her to go out, have fun, date different people, and when your mission service is complete, you can see where each other are at.

On top of all that, if you are similar to 95% of the country's 19-year-olds (I'm sure you'll claim you're not), your brain likely isn't developed to the point of really being able to understand and evaluate all of the consequences, intricacies, and nuances of a decision such as marriage. The 19-year-old brain tends to make decisions based on two dimensions of complexity. In some cases, maybe three. But you're looking at an issues that has about 12 different dimensions of complexity. This is an issue you'll be far better equipped to think about in two or three years. You'd be wise to put off worrying about it until then.

clevermoniker · #12 (**permalink**) 02-29-2012, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawnspencer

I thank you for your clearly heartfelt advice and would like to happily inform you that your permission to ignore it has been used.

I always find it's best to ignore advice that encourages you to to not be selfish and to do the right thing. Keep it up!

shawnspencer · #13 (**permalink**) 02-29-2012, 05:29 PM

Dear clevermonkier

Ok look I think we got off on the wrong foot here. I don't know Why you came off so hostile at first. I truly never ment to offend anyone. I merely meant to ask a simple question. I have always agreed with the fact that it is selfish to some degree to ask her to wait. That is actually the reason that I asked this question in the first place. I feel so stuck. I love her with all my heart and naturally I want her there after my mission. Not only do I love her but she is my best friend. To lose her would be to lose one of the most important people to me in my life. I don't want to be selfish. The only thing is that I am now only relying on hope and I feel the moment I walk through the doors at the mtc I lose all hope. I am truly sorry for my previous comment I never meant to offend. I just feel so hopeless because I love her so much and to lose her would kill me.

LDSCubsFan · #14 (**permalink**) 02-29-2012, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawnspencer

Dear clevermonkier

Ok look I think we got off on the wrong foot here. I don't know Why you came off so hostile at first. I truly never ment to offend anyone. I merely meant to ask a simple question. I have always agreed with the fact that it is selfish to some degree to ask her to wait. That is actually the reason that I asked this question in the first place. I feel so stuck. I love her with all my heart and naturally I want her there after my mission. Not only do I love her but she is my best friend. To lose her would be to lose one of the most important people to me in my life. I don't want to be selfish. The only thing is that I am now only relying on hope and I feel the moment I walk through the doors at the mtc I lose all hope. I am truly sorry for my previous comment I never meant to offend. I just feel so hopeless because I love her so much and to lose her would kill me.

Shawnspencer, it would not kill you, it just seems like that right now. Trust me, you'll get over it. We've all been there, missionaries or not.

shawnspencer · #15 (**permalink**) 02-29-2012, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LDSCubsFan

Shawnspencer, it would not kill you, it just seems like that right now. Trust me, you'll get over it. We've all been there, missionaries or not.

I really didn't mean it literally. I meant that it would definitely be really hard on me emotionally.

shawnspencer · #16 (**permalink**) 02-29-2012, 06:04 PM

Really, if I were to ask her to wait, I wouldn't be asking her not to date at all. That is like asking someone to jump of a cliff and not hit the ground. All I would ask is for her to not date anyone seriously just because I want her there when I get home. Please don't take anything I say the wrong way. I only want her there when I get home. That is what I have been trying to say. The thing is though I don't want to ask her because I also feel that it is somewhat a selfish thing to ask. Please, I just need to be understood. I have not told anyone this until now.

clevermoniker · #17 (**permalink**) 03-01-2012, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawnspencer

Really, if I were to ask her to wait, I wouldn't be asking her not to date at all. That is like asking someone to jump of a cliff and not hit the ground. All I would ask is for her to not date anyone seriously just because I want her there when I get home. Please don't take anything I say the wrong way. I only want her there when I get home. That is what I have been trying to say. The thing is though I don't want to ask her because I also feel that it is somewhat a selfish thing to ask. Please, I just need to be understood. I have not told anyone this until now.

Just because I'm mean, doesn't mean that I don't understand

Asking her to date, but not to fall in love with the guy she dates is exactly like asking someone to jump off of a cliff and not hit the ground. That wouldn't be fair of you to ask, and it wouldn't be fair for the guy's that she is dating.

Let her know how you feel, there's nothing wrong with that. Let that be in her mind as she's dating other guys and considering her feelings for them. But don't put her in a position where she has to feel guilty for falling in love with someone else.

We really do understand. Most of us have been there. The odds are against you. She's probably not going to wait. Personally I think you're better off accepting and dealing with that now, rather than to wait until you're into your mission.

My brother had a "girlfriend" who was waiting for him to come back, though she never told him. The day after he got back, he went over to see her. She had a friend over, so she introduced the two of them... and a few weeks later my brother was engaged to her best friend. (Edited for clarity

People change a lot in 2 years, especially at that age.

MarginOfError · #18 (**permalink**) 03-01-2012, 09:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clevermoniker

My brother had a "friend" who was waiting for him to come back, though she never told him. The day after he got back, he went over to see her. She had a friend over, so she introduced him... and a few weeks later they were engaged.

People change a lot in 2 years, especially at that age.

Just so you know, it isn't really clear which "he" got engaged to the girl. Too many pronouns, I guess.