I need advice and help please!

[shine7]

I have had many addictions over the years and have been able to 'corner' it to food,
thus have gained weight and hate being overweight. The problem is that I'm not able to
love myself in this state, though I know loving myself doesn't have a thing to do with weight.
I am now 'hiding' at home as often as I can, though still doing church callings/serving others.
Also suffer from a feeling of sadness most of the time, to top off the weight problem. I do
take something for the sadness/low grade depression. But force myself to smile a lot even
though I seem to look sad anyway. Yes, I did go through much of emotional trauma when
my husband of 13 years died suddenly, and though deeply sad and lonely for him, I feel that
I do 'accept' this loss as much as is humanly possible. You input would be appreciated.

[pntkl]

Hey Shine7,

I hope you're feeling better today. Some days are easier than others, for all of us, it's only human. However, it can be very difficult, when we're not finding enjoyment we all need. The things you used to enjoy with your husband, you are being asked to endure, for a time. Meanwhile, the Spirit is telling you to reach out, and I'm glad you have.

People are deeply social beings. Adjusting to life without our loved ones is the most difficult process. Losing a spouse feels worse than losing a limb; you have been separated from a man that brought you very close to heaven. In some ways, withdrawing socially gives us a way to ponder and reflect. In others, we find ourselves dwelling on our past. There is nothing we can do to change our past; there is only looking forward. When we look forward to His promises, we have Hope. He is our greatest example of Charity, to know He Loves us so much, that He sent His Son.

Until you arrive at your heavenly estate, you are going to miss your husband. It's okay to miss him, there is nothing at all wrong with that. You are Faithful, even knowing, that your husband will be there, patiently waiting for you. Just don't rush yourself, our Father works on a clock we can't control.

Remember that you aren't truly lonely. He listens to you, in good times and bad, even when you're feeling like your choices push Him away. He knows you need Him, every hour, in joy and in pain. Don't feel ashamed when your pain brings you to tears. Your self-image isn't how He sees you. Your spirit is beautiful, and even when we can't see that in ourselves--He does! If you take on healthy habits, such as proper diet and exercise [your doctor needs to be in charge of this part]; you will find that they can do wonders for how you are feeling. Even with your husband being away, there is no good reason to hurry.

Each time you look in the mirror, don't be ashamed to have a conversation with yourself. Debate with the opposition within yourself. Psyche yourself up. Don't let your doubts have control over your actions. Let your confidence strengthen. Doing so can help you make better moral decisions. If that's too embarrassing, meditation is also very helpful. Find the younger part of yourself that decided this is who you are. Tell yourself what was wrong about those choices. Wrestle with those feelings of resentment, of doubt, of resignation. Don't simply think you can overcome everything by yourself. Ask our Father in heaven, in all cases. Know that He is the Lord of your soul, be faithful that He does provide; let His Spirit be with you. If He sends you a shoulder to cry on, an ear to hear, or a message to bear--let them in and ask your pride to leave. By the same token, don't be too ashamed to seek out what you are in need of.

Love,
T.J. Wood



1 John 3:18-24*

[rameumptom]

I suggest switching your eating habit in for a better habit: such as exercise. There's nothing wrong with exercising to feel better about yourself. You don't have to hide away from society, and you can replace all addictions with it. Exercise also increases the endorphines in your brain, giving you a feeling of happiness and peace (without the weight gain).

[olytitan]

The Young Women Values theme always helped me so much, and still does. First knowing that I am a child of God. He loves me and truly knows me and cares about me and wants to help me. The same is true of all of us. He loves you and wants you to be happy and help you. I take antidepressants myself and other mental illness runs in the family. My father was bipolar. My husband's side has trouble. My poor children. I sometimes feel like we did something to them we shouldn't have...because of what they could be in for in their mental futures.

This is the Young Women Value them...which has been added to in recent years, but this is what I grew up with.

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us, and we love Him. We will stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places as we strive to live the Young Women Values which are Fath, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice & Accountability, Good Works and Integrity. We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.

It now has added that these will help us strengthen home and family and another value but I didn't look up the newest theme.

Also knowing that our weaknesses can become our strengths is encouraging. I truly know God wants us to overcome our problems and will help us to do that, although it may take a lot of work. I am also over weight and not happy with my current weight. You can hate the weight without hating yourself. There is a difference. You can love yourself and be happy within yourself, without being happy with everything about yourself. Does that make any sort of sense? You don't have to love everything about your current existance to love yourself. Some people will forever hate their curly hair or the look of their nose...whatever it may be - but you can still love yourself and the spirit that you are, and know that God loves you. You truly are of infinite worth no matter what problems you have or don't like about yourself. Just do little steps to improve and keep on the track as best you can to becoming what you want to be - both spiritually and physically. A daily 5 minutes walk could be a simple thing to get you started to doing more. It doesn't have to be something so hard that you don't want to keep trying.

[SoCal_Counselor]

Shine 7,
Nobody, besides God, can fully know what this is like for you. Other's may have gone through similar experiences, but every person who loses a loved one grieves differently. It sounds like you mind is telling you that the solution to your problems is to eat. The truth is, eating does help "numb" the feelings and grief you are experiencing. It seems like it is time to reach outside of yourself for help (which is probably one of the reasons you are coming here ).

I would suggest going to an LDS Family Services addiction recovery program. Here is the website for the addiction recovery program Addiction Recovery Program.

It might also be helpful to get yourself some grief counseling. Finding the right counselor can be helping in sorting out your thoughts and feelings regarding your husband and can also be a place of accountability with your addiction.