Do I Tell My Wife?

[Faded]

Please Note:

robbiewinters
Junior Member
JOINED 06/07/2007
LAST LOGIN: 06/29/2007 02:25:46

While I don't see a problem resurrecting old threads, as a general rule I think it would be preferable to start a new one so people are not under the impression that everyone is still responding to the Original Poster. Plenty of people will leap first and look at the dates on the thread later.

Typical forum ediquitte would be to quote the Original Poster and relevant subsequent posts if you like, explain that it's an old thread, leave a link to the original, and then use that as the first post of a new thread.

[jiminycricket]

Thanks, Faded... I'm still a rookie in the world of online forums, so the tips on how to handle situations like this are appreciated. Do we go and ask a moderator to lock this one up now?

JC

[pam]

I think it depends on the topic. Now if we are discussing a book, and the book hasn't been discussed in 3-4 months..starting a new thread doesn't make sense to me. You simply post "Hey I just found this and would like to add my two cents to it." That could open it up to others who may not have seen a thread that has not been used in some time.

[happyeverafter]

Yes tell your wife, I am the girl who found out on my own and it hurt more than if he would of came and told me. Don't think that she can't feel that something is not right, she may not know what "it" is but she knows. You owe her your honesty ...she said yes to you when you asked her to marry you. She has given you years, some that may not have been the best for you OR her.

Sorry if you feel that I may have been a little hard on you.

As girls we NEED to know that we are enough, as we send our husbands off to work in a world of beautiful women. WE FEAR THIS VERY THING.

To know that your husband WANTS YOU sometimes out weighs the pain. To know that you choose her today and forever could be the point YOU needed to come to.

[Justice]

The most important thing is that you stop the behavior.

I know you said you have... this time. But, once you engange in a behavior it's much easier to repeat. This is partly why we tell someone, so we have a check. Someone who cares about us who will always be there to keep us on track.

Often, people say things before they have to deal with them. When they actually have to deal with them, they surprise even themselves with their behavior and what they can deal with.

I think the counsel to tell her is wise. But, often there are more than one way to address a situation. Seeking help first is also wise. This is where your Bishop, or even your Stake President may help you. These are men that can help you check the behavior; someone who YOU KNOW that will ask you from time to time if you are heading down this path again. That alone will help you avoid it in the furture. As long as you believe the behavior is secret, the chance of repeating it is higher.

Study it out in your mind, using all the advice you have been given, and arrive at what YOU think is the best course of action. Take it to your Heavenly Father in prayer and you will know if He approves.

One thing I do know, though, is that you will never be forgiven until you tell her. Confession is one of the steps to repentance. When you pray, be willing to accept whatever He tells you to do, knowing He can work things out for you no matter what action you choose to take.

(We often reply, also, for others who may be going through the same things and looking for advice)

[Faded]

Originally Posted by jiminycricket

Thanks, Faded... I'm still a rookie in the world of online forums, so the tips on how to handle situations like this are appreciated. Do we go and ask a moderator to lock this one up now?

JC

Typically, it's not a big enough deal to trouble a moderator with. It's not one person attacking another, rude or offensive behavior or somebody picking a fight. Moderators are going to tend to focus their efforts on those sorts of things of course.

You just end up with a whole lot of people (see the last couple posts) who are responding to a post and circumstance that hasn't been checked on by the Original Poster for close to 2 years. It's still useful for discussion's sake, but in a case where the OP was asking for advice, people are firing back advice that the OP will probably never see. Almost like writing letters and mailing them to a person who's dead -- it could be seen as a waste of time and effort.

I'm mostly pointing out how it's usually done to avoid the confusion.

[bclaggett]

You need closure on this one way or another. Is there more going on than what you write? You slipped, you stopped, you repented, you changed jobs, you've been sin-free since. I'm a bit puzzled that your wife would divorce you over something that is now history. Was she betrayed before by someone else? Did you ever give her reason to think you might stray during dating or otherwise? She seems unusually emtionally charged about anything remotely threatening your marriage. Is she jealous of other things?

If you sincerely believe it's either--

a) tell her and the marriage is over or
b) keep it to myself to keep the marriage

what kind of marriage do you have? Even if you don't tell her, are there issues in the marriage you want to improve?

When I have hard decisions to make, I follow the counsel of my first bishop: study the issue out in my mind, gathering all available relevant information. Make my best decision. Submit it to the Lord and listen for His answer. Do I get the Holy Ghost touching me telling me it's true, a negative response, a stupor of thought (a numbness or no answer), or what?

Let us know what happens, we care.

B