Do I Tell My Wife?

robbiewinters

A lot of the people in here are letter of the law types. After all, all you see is letters on this screen! LOL

A kiss - thats all?

[Gwen]

I'm not so sure I agree with the consensus here. While the OP discusses very inappropriate behavior, in the end the brother was mightily tempted, but did not commit adulterly.

In the end, disclosure may be necessary. However, it might be wise to seek counseling first. Perhaps there is a marriage counselor you could seek out--one who is sensitive to your faith tradition. Go alone, spell out what happened, what you've been through. Then, see what advice is offered. It might be that you will eventually meet jointly with your wife, and this matter may then come out in a healing environment, rather than as an out-of-the-blue bombshell.
[/b]

i think i'm gonna go with pc on this one. though what he did was wrong, and no excuses for it. his wife should be told. but he did not (assuming the whole story; no offense intended) have a full blown affair. i think the offence though great is forgivable. sounds like he took measures to make sure it didn't happen again, that is admerable. i think he should tell her in a way that will be healing not distructive. if i had something like that to tell hubby or reversed, i wouldn't want it to be at 10pm getting ready for bed, oh by the way......................, a fight would definatly erupt to add salt to the wound. in a counseling environment or even a bishop (at minimum) who has discussed it and understands where the offender is comming from and there to help explain and heal is far better. but don't expect it to be a fast healing, but could at least be possible.

[Vanilla]

A kiss - thats all?
[/b]

It sounds like you are trivializing this, or were you actually asking, "A kiss, is that all there was to it?".
I am hoping it was the latter, because saying "A kiss - thats all?" as if it were nothing would be like responding "$1.00 - thats all?" when someone says they have stolen money. Kissing another woman as a married man would be in theory like "stealing" that kiss from your wife!

[JcDean78]

A kiss like you would your mom or a kiss like you would your wife back when you were first married? I guess we need to define what a kiss is? Not really, because it sounds like he cheated in his heart as well as with his body. Degree might matter with her but it really does not change what is the right thing to do.

I think you did all the right things to stop the problem and it is great that you want to make amends but the only way to do that is to be honest.

[Vanilla]

I am fine about suffering for it. What about my children? Should they suffer for it?
[/b]

Maybe you should have thought about your children BEFORE you kissed another woman! I don't mean to come off so harsh, but you were aware of how your wife felt before you did it, so why are you trying to use the kids as an excuse to not tell her now.

Obviously you feel bad about it and it sounds like you truly want to make things right, but you have to remember that while you use your own free agency to do wrong, you don't get to choose the consequence, but you still have to live with it.

If you are truly as concerned with how this will affect your relationship with your wife (and children) as you would have us believe, then you will do what ever it takes to make it right.

Best wishes to you in your endeavor to fix this.

[ninjahobbit8]

I'm just happy you didn't get too carried away with her. It might be ideal for you to tell your wife before she somehow finds out on her own or if you see that woman again in walmart or something with your family. But those don't seem to be likely either. I hope you can find a solution to your problem!

[BenRaines]

My suggestion would be to first go to your Bishop for counsel. He is the one who can better address the level of sin and what is required to receive full repentance. It is a fine line. If you kissed her thinking about all the rest that could come after then you have truly lusted in your heart and that is the same as adultery. If you were just weak in a moment or two and kissed her then what should be done is up to you and I believe in this case you and your Bishop.



As for it all being revealed later in the afterlife that is only if you have not truly repented. If we are fully repentant then though our sins be crimson we shall be white as snow and the book of life wiped clean. I am hoping to only have good things written in the book by living a constantly repentant life.



Ben Raines

[prisonchaplain]

If you kissed her thinking about all the rest that could come after then you have truly lusted in your heart and that is the same as adultery. If you were just weak in a moment or two and kissed her then what should be done is up to you and I believe in this case you and your Bishop.[/b]

Of course, there is a sense in which this is true. My guess is that whenever a married man kisses another woman there has to be some sense of lust in the heart, and the need for repentence is real and severe. On the other hand, if a wife finds out her husband kissed another woman, she does not have scriptural grounds for divorce. So, if this woman is so fragil in her faith and her relationship with her husband, that she has already threatened that divorce would be the result--wise counsel from a bishop, or a counselor sensitive to your faith, should be the first action.

As for it all being revealed later in the afterlife that is only if you have not truly repented. If we are fully repentant then though our sins be crimson we shall be white as snow and the book of life wiped clean. I am hoping to only have good things written in the book by living a constantly repentant life.[/b]

I'm of a view that if are sins are forgiven and cast as far as the East is from the West, that such will not be held against us in the kingdom to come.

Robbie,

First of all it wasnt an affair, and that is at least grounds for divorce in my opinion. If the single kiss was something like a hello or goodbye kiss, then I dont see an issue since you have changed. If it was something passionate, then you have a problem. In my opinion, the passionate kiss goes against the whole marraige concept. If it was a passionate kiss, then you should probably should go to the bishop. further, if you were alone together, and it was very romantic, I got to say that would bother me if my spouse did that. I would want to know.

Just so you know, my wife cheated on me and she never said anything to me. I found out through other means. We had been divorced for nearly 3 years and after that amount of time I then found out. I really wasnt that upset, because we were already divorced, and I aready knew what she was capable of. If she had told me I would have forgiven her. But, on the other hand, she never did probably because she would have been fearful that I would have concerns in that area going forward - and she would have been right. A loss of freedom, even a percieved loss, can affect people in different ways. For her, she rolled the dice thinking that I wouldnt go through with the divorce. But the fact is, heavanly father knew what went on, and thats why I got my answer for the divorce.

If I were you, I would start getting humble, and fasting a bit and find out what heavanly father says. Its possible this might eventually make you and your wife closer after she finds out and you give it some time. The hard part will be in the beginning.

However, if it was a friendly co-worker peck on the check, and IMHO, forget all that I said and move on. If you look at Christ's laws in the New Testiment, they were strict, but he was always very forgiving. I think it would be a good thing to find yourself under his good graces.

My wife has already said that if she ever found out anything like that she would leave me. I have 2 young children. Is it right for me to salve my conscience at the expense of a broken home for them. Would your advice be the same if you knew 100% that consequence would be divorce? Please think before you reply
[/b]

The others are right Robbie, no secret thing shall not be revealed. Tell her now....don't let her find out later...it will only get worse.