Do I Tell My Wife?

[a-train]

Dude,

Put it in a journal among lots of other things you want to confess and all your feelings about her and so forth. Talk about your love for her, everything. Through the years, let that journal grow and grow. Make the appropriate preparations so that if you pass away before her she can read it if she wishes. She will not be able to kill you when she finds out because you will be already dead!

She won't divorce you either, because you will be dead!

She might hate you and marry some lame, but when she passes through the veil you can work your charm and I bet she'll be yours again.

That's what I'd do.

-a-train

[orrinjelo]

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My wife has already said that if she ever found out anything like that she would leave me. I have 2 young children. Is it right for me to salve my conscience at the expense of a broken home for them. Would your advice be the same if you knew 100% that consequence would be divorce? Please think before you reply
[/b]

Absolutely. We must be honest in our dealings and be willing to accept the consequences. Ignoring or hiding a sin will not make it go away. We have to pay for them eventually. It's better for us if we do not procrastinate our repentance.
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I am fine about suffering for it. What about my children? Should they suffer for it?
[/b][/quote]

I would agree. You should be honest. You made a mistake, and confessing it is pretty much the first step. Of course, the mistake does has its consenquences. I'm not going to side with the seriousness of it (or if it was not at all), however. Another choice is involved here if you do confess--your wife's--so it's not all dependant on your decision. She can either leave you or forgive you (and we should forgive all, right? *nodnod*)

Then again, I'm not married.... ....but these are just my thoughts.

[tbauro]

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My wife has already said that if she ever found out anything like that she would leave me. I have 2 young children. Is it right for me to salve my conscience at the expense of a broken home for them. Would your advice be the same if you knew 100% that consequence would be divorce? Please think before you reply
[/b]

Absolutely. We must be honest in our dealings and be willing to accept the consequences. Ignoring or hiding a sin will not make it go away. We have to pay for them eventually. It's better for us if we do not procrastinate our repentance.
[/b][/quote]
I am fine about suffering for it. What about my children? Should they suffer for it?
[/b][/quote]

I would agree. You should be honest. You made a mistake, and confessing it is pretty much the first step. Of course, the mistake does has its consenquences. I'm not going to side with the seriousness of it (or if it was not at all), however. Another choice is involved here if you do confess--your wife's--so it's not all dependant on your decision. She can either leave you or forgive you (and we should forgive all, right? *nodnod*)

Then again, I'm not married.... ....but these are just my thoughts.
[/b][/quote]

<div class='quotemain'>
<div class='quotemain'>
<div class='quotemain'>
My wife has already said that if she ever found out anything like that she would leave me. I have 2 young children. Is it right for me to salve my conscience at the expense of a broken home for them. Would your advice be the same if you knew 100% that consequence would be divorce? Please think before you reply
[/b]

Absolutely. We must be honest in our dealings and be willing to accept the consequences. Ignoring or hiding a sin will not make it go away. We have to pay for them eventually. It's better for us if we do not procrastinate our repentance.
[/b][/quote]
I am fine about suffering for it. What about my children? Should they suffer for it?
[/b][/quote]

I would agree. You should be honest. You made a mistake, and confessing it is pretty much the first step. Of course, the mistake does has its consenquences. I'm not going to side with the seriousness of it (or if it was not at all), however. Another choice is involved here if you do confess--your wife's--so it's not all dependant on your decision. She can either leave you or forgive you (and we should forgive all, right? *nodnod*)

Then again, I'm not married.... ....but these are just my thoughts.
[/b][/quote]

[Saab900man]

I agree with everyone here that you must confess. You need to go to your bishop and talk about it with him. He will give you the counsel and guidance that you need to over come this action.

[tbauro]

I have been married for 10 years and have always been completely faithful. I have never flirted with another girl and my wife is the only woman I have had any relations with. We went through a bad spell a couple of years ago and I started flirting (I thought harmlesslessly with a workmate). One thing led to another and we ended up kissing. This happened a few times over a couple of weeks. I realised how stupid this was. I stopped it. I broke off contact and got a new job where I don't see her. Do you think I should tell my wife. I am certain that she will end the marriage if I do. Is it better just to keep this to myself and never do it again. Would this be considered sinful not to confess. Do I need to tell my bishop who will then probably tell me to discuss with my wife?

Any advise please?
[/b]

My advice to you is that you don't have to tell your affairs years before because it gonna ruin your family. Discuss it with your Bishop. Your Bishop will never tell you to to discuss it with your wife. God knows what in your heart and he forgive you.

I have been married for more than 10 years, years ago my husband had an affair with another woman and never told me about it till I found out later. I felt hurt and the only solution was to end up my marriage but I have 4 children to look after. My husband told me everything and said he never do it again. I forgive him but still I felt the pain in my heart. Even if my husband already told me of his affairs before I found out, I gonna feel the same thing. To safe your marriage, never tell your wife.

[JcDean78]

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I have been married for 10 years and have always been completely faithful. I have never flirted with another girl and my wife is the only woman I have had any relations with. We went through a bad spell a couple of years ago and I started flirting (I thought harmlesslessly with a workmate). One thing led to another and we ended up kissing. This happened a few times over a couple of weeks. I realised how stupid this was. I stopped it. I broke off contact and got a new job where I don't see her. Do you think I should tell my wife. I am certain that she will end the marriage if I do. Is it better just to keep this to myself and never do it again. Would this be considered sinful not to confess. Do I need to tell my bishop who will then probably tell me to discuss with my wife?

Any advise please?
[/b]

My advice to you is that you don't have to tell your affairs years before because it gonna ruin your family. Discuss it with your Bishop. Your Bishop will never tell you to to discuss it with your wife. God knows what in your heart and he forgive you.

I have been married for more than 10 years, years ago my husband had an affair with another woman and never told me about it till I found out later. I felt hurt and the only solution was to end up my marriage but I have 4 children to look after. My husband told me everything and said he never do it again. I forgive him but still I felt the pain in my heart. Even if my husband already told me of his affairs before I found out, I gonna feel the same thing. To safe your marriage, never tell your wife.
[/b][/quote]

That is not the type of relationship I would want to be in. Not telling only makes it worse.

[robbiewinters]

Thank you for the many responses. It is interesting to see so many different views. I am a convert to the church and moved to Utah to study. It seems as though many members of the church see things very much as black and white. I don't think that things are ever that simple. There are assumptions that our marriage is as strong as many of yours. Unfortunately that may not be the case. I don't know if we will live happily ever after. I do know that I would die for my children and whatever the current defivciencies in our marriage we are raising well adjusted and balanced children who are grounded in the gospel and know they are 100% loved. I am convinced they will grow up and live succesful lifes and serve diligently in the church and develop testimonies of the gospel.
Perhaps my original question was the wrong one. Of course in an ideal world there is only one correct answer. Confess and take the consequences. However, if the consequences of confessing results in the possibilty of damage to my children I would rather take the risk of my whole soul. My welfare is less important to me than theirs. I guess my question is more how serious in the scheme of things is what I have done and is it such that could be forgiven by years of service and living a christlike life regardless of whether or not my wife knows. To be clear on something it is not my intention to keep this to myself forever and in fact I will speak to my wife about it at some stage when I think there is no risk to my children.
Is there not the possibility that if I confess after many years of impeccible behaviour it will come accross as more sincere in that she will be convinced that there has been no repetition and therefore less likelihood of a repeat of it?
Also if it comes out after my children have left home and she decides she cant accept it then at least they will not suffer for my failures and perhaps her failure to forgive.
I don't think this is all as simple as some have suggested.

Robbie,

One things for sure, people do think things are black and white. And we do not know your situation. However, one things for sure, you've done enough study to get your own answer directly from Heavanly Father.

Good luck!

[Maureen]

Hey robbie,

I'm going to give you the opposite advice of the majority here. I would NOT tell your wife. If what happened years ago was a stupid mistake and it will never happen again, then keep it to yourself. Putting myself in the wife's position, since I am one, I would not want to know something that was stupid and meant nothing. For me, in this situation, ignorance is bliss. If I was told by my husband about an isolated incident like yours, that really was just bad judgement, there's a chance that just knowing could cause unnecessary distrust; especially if you know that it will never happen again. Knowing may hurt your wife more than not knowing. Just my 2cents. Good luck!

M.

Hey robbie,

I'm going to give you the opposite advice of the majority here. I would NOT tell your wife. If what happened years ago was a stupid mistake and it will never happen again, then keep it to yourself. Putting myself in the wife's position, since I am one, I would not want to know something that was stupid and meant nothing. For me, in this situation, ignorance is bliss. If I was told by my husband about an isolated incident like yours, that really was just bad judgement, there's a chance that just knowing could cause unnecessary distrust; especially if you know that it will never happen again. Knowing may hurt your wife more than not knowing. Just my 2cents. Good luck!

M. [/b]

I agree with Maureen totally on this.

Part of the repentence process is to make amends for the wrong/hurt that you caused another, this is true, But this must be tempered with: If no more harm would be inflicted, then confess the sin to the person whom you have sinned against.