Do I Tell My Wife?

[prisonchaplain]

Hey, I got at least two--perhaps three who sided with me. I'm not against EVENTUALLY confessing. See a bishop or trusted counselor. In time, ask your wife if she would not be open to marriage counseling. The day may come when you two are strong enough in your trust for each other, that confession is possible.

To those who demand open and immediate confession: do you tell your loved ones every stray thought that goes through your head? This is more serious, but there was no affair, nor the kind of adultery for which most churches would condone divorce.

The brother was tempted in ways common to men. He began to turn towards the temptation, then, convicted of the Holy Spirit, corrected his course. Praise God and strengthen the family, with that blessed combination of innocence and wisdom that Jesus calls us to.

[anniem]

I tend to agree with prison chaplain too. Why cause your wife and children suffering if you have repented and forsaken those actions? I'm not sure breaking someone elses heart has to be part of your repentance process. Okay, so maybe eventually she has to know, and forgiveness is something we all have to learn. My question is, why would your wife ever say: if you did anything like this she would leave you --unless she felt that you might be flirting (or whatever)?

[Gabelma]

I tend to agree with prison chaplain too. Why cause your wife and children suffering if you have repented and forsaken those actions? I'm not sure breaking someone elses heart has to be part of your repentance process. Okay, so maybe eventually she has to know, and forgiveness is something we all have to learn. My question is, why would your wife ever say: if you did anything like this she would leave you --unless she felt that you might be flirting (or whatever)
[/b]

I agree entirely but did want to say I told my husband before we got married if he did anything like this the only way he was staying with me was under the floor boards - now we have one might the patio instead lol

Reason I said it is because my Dad is a complete cad - my husband isn't but I really couldn't take him being very unfaithful

Charley

[Annabelli]

robbiewinters:

D&C 42: 88-89, 91-92
88 And if thy abrother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she cconfess thou shalt be reconciled.
89 And if he or she confess not thou shalt deliver him or her up unto the church, not to the members, but to the elders. And it shall be done in a ameeting, and that not before the world.
• • •
91 And if any one offend openly, he or she shall be rebuked openly, that he or she may be ashamed. And if he or she confess not, he or she shall be delivered up unto the law of God.
92 If any shall offend in secret, he or she shall be rebuked in secret, that he or she may have opportunity to confess in secret to him or her whom he or she has offended, and to God, that the church may not speak reproachfully of him or her.

[Jason]

Any advise please?
[/b]

Be a man and keep it to yourself. That's guy code.

You owe it to your family to keep it to yourself. At the very least wait until your kids are grown up so that they have a stable home to live in.

Ignore the otherwise poor advise given on this thread. These people obviously are thinking with their bibles and not with their heads.

And for those of you who may condemn, my wife and I agreed that if a one-night-stand (not just kissing mind you) ever happened, and it was never gonna happen again, we'd both rather NOT know about it.

So $uck it up bro.

[quote]
These people obviously are thinking with their bibles and not with their heads.



And that's a bad thing?

[Jason]

And that's a bad thing?
[/b]

Only when the Bible is wrong. Which is most of the time.

<div class='quotemain'>
And that's a bad thing?
[/b]

Only when the Bible is wrong. Which is most of the time.
[/b][/quote]

The pattern I see in the bible can call be centered on these core scriptures ...

St John 14:21: He that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my father and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.

John 15:10: If ye akeep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.

2nd John 1: 4-6: I rejoiced greatly that I found of thy children walking in truth, as we have received a commandment from the father. And now I beseech the, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another. And this is love that we walk after his commandments. This is the commandment that, as ye have heard from the beginning, that ye should walk in it.

Mathew 22: 36-40: Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the lord thy God with all they heart and with all they soul and with all they mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, though shalt love they neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Love. Love for man, love for Heavanly Father, love for Christ. The reason why we should do anything. Once we understand this concept, we move beyond the worrysome "checklist" of keeping track of which commmandment to keep, and instead know what is right and wrong based not mearly on the list, but the spirit of love. The Scriptures leave us a record of thier stories with thier sacrifices & knowlege of why they did what they did. All of which provides us a 'wake up' slap in the face as to the real reason why we do what we do- or rather why we should do what we do.

[Jason]

<div class='quotemain'>
<div class='quotemain'>
And that's a bad thing?
[/b]

Only when the Bible is wrong. Which is most of the time.
[/b][/quote]

The pattern I see in the bible can call be centered on these core scriptures ...

St John 14:21: He that hath my commandments and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my father and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him.

John 15:10: If ye akeep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.

2nd John 1: 4-6: I rejoiced greatly that I found of thy children walking in truth, as we have received a commandment from the father. And now I beseech the, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another. And this is love that we walk after his commandments. This is the commandment that, as ye have heard from the beginning, that ye should walk in it.

Mathew 22: 36-40: Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the lord thy God with all they heart and with all they soul and with all they mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, though shalt love they neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Love. Love for man, love for Heavanly Father, love for Christ. The reason why we should do anything. Once we understand this concept, we move beyond the worrysome "checklist" of keeping track of which commmandment to keep, and instead know what is right and wrong based not mearly on the list, but the spirit of love. The Scriptures leave us a record of thier stories with thier sacrifices & knowlege of why they did what they did. All of which provides us a 'wake up' slap in the face as to the real reason why we do what we do- or rather why we should do what we do.
[/b][/quote]

Great advice.

[rosie321]

I'm going to go with the don't tell her but don't hide it either. If circumstance arises where she asks or you feel that it would be the right time then discuss it with her openly. Don't just do it to clear your conscience or because she might find out someday. There's lots of sins done on this earth all the time not confessed to everyone.

What you did may be wrong. A kiss depending on the situation isn't all bad. Your conscience is troubling you about it (as is evidenced by your post concerns) so it was most likely a very bad choice to make.

So have you repented? This is the most important question. What safeguards have you tried to put in place to ensure that this does not happen with any other women than your wife? Since you know this is an area of struggle. As others suggested you might want to discuss this with your bishop. I'm not sure it would be good to go straight to your wife in this particular case and circumstance.

So far you have gotton away from this woman and moved to a different position. So you have made some positive choices that indicate some repentance. Though you still feel guilt (one price of sin).

So then I have to ask what would be the benefit and consequence to telling your wife? How will it affect you and your family? Will it increase good things in your family. I think the harm from telling your family would be much worse than her knowledge of the kiss. Not only could it destroy your marriage but the lives of your children. I do not see anything positive coming out from telling her at this point other than trying to appease your guilty conscience Use your fear of losing your family and guilt to make you more aware of appropriate conduct with woman other than your wife