Do I Tell My Wife?

[zookeeper]

Originally Posted by robbiewinters

My wife has already said that if she ever found out anything like that she would leave me. I have 2 young children. Is it right for me to salve my conscience at the expense of a broken home for them. Would your advice be the same if you knew 100% that consequence would be divorce? Please think before you reply

[u]DON'T TELL HER! [/U] (IMO) Repent and be the awesomest husband in the world forever more. Don't burden her with the pain and distrust. That is YOUR burden to carry, not hers. I think it comes down to protecting the family. Which, of course, includes NEVER doing that again!!!!

[Hemidakota]

Originally Posted by robbiewinters

My wife has already said that if she ever found out anything like that she would leave me. I have 2 young children. Is it right for me to salve my conscience at the expense of a broken home for them. Would your advice be the same if you knew 100% that consequence would be divorce? Please think before you reply

Take this matter to the Lord...have faith in yourself in receiving that answer. If not, then fast over this issue. Next, listen to what the answer He may give and follow through. Remember, follow through on what will be given...

[georgia2]

Originally Posted by robbiewinters

My wife has already said that if she ever found out anything like that she would leave me. I have 2 young children. Is it right for me to salve my conscience at the expense of a broken home for them. Would your advice be the same if you knew 100% that consequence would be divorce? Please think before you reply

Every woman says this until it happens to them! Then they usually handle it in a way they never believed they would. You say this happened in the past, you have not done it in a long time, you have separated yourself from the temptation. You have done all the things that you should have done. These things alone give you credibility.
Show how how much you love and respect her by telling her.

It will hurt, but not as bad as if you had an affair. You stopped it before it got that far. She has to give you credit for that. THat would be a lot better that getting a phone call in the middle of the night by a drunk woman who wants to get revenge!

Ask me how i know!

Hey, I thought you all might be interested in an update related to this topic.

I went to see my bishop a few weeks ago, and told him I hadn't broken any temple covenants, but had done something *not good* and wasn't sure if I should confess to him or not.

He stopped me and read straight out of the Big Book of Bishops (or whatever their handbook is...) the conditions when confession is required. Things to be considered included how much time had lapsed; service and activity level; whether in a prominent position or not; and a few other things I am not remembering. Then he asked if what I had done met the conditions, and I had to conclude that I didn't need to tell him.

I think robbiewinters situation would be the same. Although his question was not about confessing to the bishop, it was about confessing to his wife. Interestingly, my bishop's council to me, in my situation, knowing what he knows about divorce, was "Save the marriage at all costs." I am sure that would not *always* be his advice, but I expect that robbiewinters could apply that bit of advice to his situation and not confess to Mrs. robbiewinters.

[MorningStar]

Not telling her is a horrible idea. She will find out. The Spirit has probably told her something happened already, so it will be a relief to have those feelings explained to her. If she finds out another way and then he is explaining his side of the story after getting caught, he won't sound believable. "No, I swear. I only kissed her and that was it." How many times have guys said that when the wife finds a note or a strange woman calls her house? First they deny anything is going on. When the evidence surfaces, "Oh ok honey, I did have something going on with that woman, but we never went all the way. Honest!"

People who have nothing to hide don't.

A friend of mine kept having horrible feelings her husband cheated on her without an ounce of proof. She told him how bothered she was, he listened to her, tried to comfort her, and after months she was still having those horrible feelings. He drove her to the doctor's office to be put on anti-depressants knowing what she suspected was true. He met a woman in line on a nature tour (with his little boy there) and they had a fling. He let his poor wife torture herself and to continue hiding what he had done, let her go on unnecessary medication.

Always tell the truth.

[skylercollins]

It's been a year, I wonder what he's done about the situation.

[Islander]

I would have to agree with zookeeper. Telling her would not add anything of value to the relationship. She can not help not do you require her support currently to overcome the situation since it is over and done and a long time has elapsed. Disclosure has its place and time and a role to play under certain circumstances. This is not one of them.

In cases like this it is about being practical and pragmatic. Disclosure could bring pain, suffering, heartache, jealousy, anger, emotional separation and resentment. And no, it will NOT make the relationship stronger but rather, potentially, fracture and damage it irreparably. In this particular case, follow the counsel of your Bishop.

[ruthiechan]

Originally Posted by Islander

. In this particular case, follow the counsel of your Bishop.

Shouldn't we, in general, always follow the counsel of our Bishop?

[Elgama]

lol funny how a year can change a person I read my original opinion on this and completely disagree with myself

-Charley

[Islander]

Originally Posted by ruthiechan

Shouldn't we, in general, always follow the counsel of our Bishop?

I agree with you. I think that since he seems to be hesitating, I wanted to reinforce the choice that in my view is the correct one. Just in case he was thinking about exercising his agency in a different direction, I was adding my vote.