Do I Tell My Wife?

[ruthiechan]

Seriously Elgama? That's amusing! It's amazing what we learn over time en't it?

[Laureltree]

As a woman I will tell you this...
You are asking because you feel deep down that you should tell her, but fear keeps you from it. If we lived in fear daily..what would life really be ?
I agree with getting some marriage counseling, start working on the cause of the problem...like what got the two of you to this point in your life. You also will have to realize that although problems in your marriage made you feel as if you needed to find happiness else where, your choice was that your choice...it was not caused because of the problems with in the relationship...rather a problem within yourself, your lack of communication and committment to work on the issues of your marriage. Once you work on these issues within yourself, and work on the stresses that brought you to this point, your wife will be more apt to listen. I do suggest nightly and daily couples prayer, this will highly help through this period while your doing the couples couseling. I will keep you in my prayers...remember have faith in your wife and her love for you.

just my 2 cents

[Hemidakota]

Originally Posted by queriesqueries

Hey, I thought you all might be interested in an update related to this topic.

I went to see my bishop a few weeks ago, and told him I hadn't broken any temple covenants, but had done something *not good* and wasn't sure if I should confess to him or not.

He stopped me and read straight out of the Big Book of Bishops (or whatever their handbook is...) the conditions when confession is required. Things to be considered included how much time had lapsed; service and activity level; whether in a prominent position or not; and a few other things I am not remembering. Then he asked if what I had done met the conditions, and I had to conclude that I didn't need to tell him.

I think robbiewinters situation would be the same. Although his question was not about confessing to the bishop, it was about confessing to his wife. Interestingly, my bishop's council to me, in my situation, knowing what he knows about divorce, was "Save the marriage at all costs." I am sure that would not *always* be his advice, but I expect that robbiewinters could apply that bit of advice to his situation and not confess to Mrs. robbiewinters.

Church Handbook of Instructions...if it was me, I would just ask the Spirit for discernment.

[alwaysatruthseeker]

Purposefully destroying your marriage(100% sure she'll leave) and family to "salve your conscience" seems like you want out of the marriage to me and this is your "noble" way of getting out. Sorry to be so blunt, I listen to too much Dr Laura.
Go to the Lord in prayer, ask him to forgive you, and reveal to you your next step. Why not channel your guilt into being an incredible husband? Why not each time you feel bad do something nice for her, do the dishes, change a diaper, when your kids have left home, if you feel like your temple marriage is still worth nuking over a few kisses 15 years prior, then by all means go ahead, but don't destroy your kids childhood's because your wife is currently to immature to forgive and you know it!

[jjrogers]

As a woman, I would be livid with my husband. I would yell, scream and threaten divorce BECAUSE of how hurt, devistated and betrayed I would feel. For the sake of my children I would stay. But our marriage would be in serious trouble and I would have great difficulty in ever trusting him again. On top of that to find out he hadn't talked to the Bishop would make me even madder that he did priesthood duties he wasn't worthy to do. And to know that God was not important enough in his life to at least face God even if he didn't want to face me.

[FunkyTown]

Originally Posted by jjrogers

As a woman, I would be livid with my husband. I would yell, scream and threaten divorce BECAUSE of how hurt, devistated and betrayed I would feel. For the sake of my children I would stay. But our marriage would be in serious trouble and I would have great difficulty in ever trusting him again. On top of that to find out he hadn't talked to the Bishop would make me even madder that he did priesthood duties he wasn't worthy to do. And to know that God was not important enough in his life to at least face God even if he didn't want to face me.

Holy cow, you are awesome.

[Elgama]

Originally Posted by ruthiechan

Seriously Elgama? That's amusing! It's amazing what we learn over time en't it?

lol yup I would tell her I'd rather know now than entering the eternal life thinking things are great and discovering my husband isn't there. Also think that maybe more distressing for children

-Charley

[Elgama]

Originally Posted by jjrogers

As a woman, I would be livid with my husband. I would yell, scream and threaten divorce BECAUSE of how hurt, devistated and betrayed I would feel. For the sake of my children I would stay. But our marriage would be in serious trouble and I would have great difficulty in ever trusting him again. On top of that to find out he hadn't talked to the Bishop would make me even madder that he did priesthood duties he wasn't worthy to do. And to know that God was not important enough in his life to at least face God even if he didn't want to face me.

your exactly right I received a blessing once from a priesthood holder that was unworthy to do so, it made my life a lot more difficult I couldn't understand why my illness wasn't going when the things it had said had happened then I woke up one night and remembered who had given me the blessing, I rolled over asked my husband if he would give me the healing blessing I was supposed to have had, it was very different and made more sense. What upsets me is I wasted 10 years on that intial blessing, his wife had also known about some of his infidelities and not said anything

_Charley

[BenRaines]

Quoted from earlier post

"He stopped me and read straight out of the Big Book of Bishops (or whatever their handbook is...) the conditions when confession is required. Things to be considered included how much time had lapsed; service and activity level; whether in a prominent position or not; and a few other things I am not remembering. Then he asked if what I had done met the conditions, and I had to conclude that I didn't need to tell him."

If I understand what your understanding of what the Bishop said you could have done some serious immoral sin, met with a prostitute a few times, carried on an affair with a coworker, etc. and as long as enough time has elapsed and no one else knows about it and you continued to do your home teaching and serve in the church, etc that you wouldn't need to confess it to the Bishop? Personally I don't think so.

Having sat in that chair before, any transgression that involves breaking the law of chastity should be taken up with the Bishop. What is done about it afterwords is between you, the Bishop and The Lord.

It reminds me of a talk once given to Bishops. In the the general authority giving the talk said "Bishops, do you ask young men who come before you to interview before their missions, are you morally clean?, and when they say yes you go Phew. You need to find out what their understanding of morally clean is and work from a common understanding". That is how I remember what he said.

As I have said in other threads. To stop doing a sin is not repentance. The first step is to recognize you have sinned and the second is to feel remorse. To feel bad for having sinned against God. Stopping just because I know it is wrong is not repentance.

Ben Raines

[Hemidakota]

A good source is "The Meaning of Repentance"By Elder Theodore M. Burton, Of the First Quorum of Seventy beside the book called "Miracle of Forgiveness",

Link: LDS.org - Ensign Article - The Meaning of Repentance