Help In Stepparenting

[stepmom7]

I just recently got remarried to this amazing man. We have so much in common and we are both very strong in the church. Their family was very strong before all of this happened. His ex wife left the church and is anti against it and she took the kids with her. He has adult child, teenagers, and a small child and I have two younger children. He is eight years older than me. He has joint custody. We see his kids on Wednesday night overnight and every other weekend.

I get along great with his kids. They are very nice to me and respectful. But I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. Trying to get use to the teenage experiences.

I am definetely looking for advice and help and suggestions.

Several things. 1st I am wondering how to keep the gospel in their lives without pushing it on them. Just his younger one goes to church the rest do not. It makes me sad and I feel like they are missing out. I want to help.

Second my stepdaughter (15) went to a party, got drunk and then got raped. I am not sure how to handle that situation. I went to the hospital and I was very supportive of her but how to handle the aftereffects of it. I want to be able to help her find the healing power of the atonement.

I am so new at this and I feel like I've been hit with a bulldozer.
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[Alaskagain]

1) The Brady Bunch is a lie.

2) It usually takes at least 5 years for step-families to bond, or become "blended".

3) There are LOTS of ups and downs along the way.

4) Teenagers are run by hormones - everything is high drama; so when something really IS high drama, watch out.

Pray a lot, be kind to the ex, be friends to the children, and be in charge of your own children's discipline for at least the next 5 years (even great stepfathers need time to become sensitive to the needs of the child)

I know one couple who established a 3 ring binder in the kitchen as "The Rule Book". Started out with the basic household rules, and then whenever someone did something not listed, they entered the new rule and punishment. That way no matter who incurred the infraction, the consequence was always the same, whether it was her, his or their child, and the discipline was handled by the natural parent.

Use the Wednesday nights as FHE; if some of the teenagers are not thrilled with church activity, focus on games and enjoyable time spent together as a family.

Wow, that's a lot (too much) to handle for a 15 year old. My compassion overfloweth. Talk with a counselor from rape crisis center on how you can best help her, and just be there for her, as you already have been. (It goes without saying she will be in psych counseling for a while.)

The best of luck to you! Stay strong and committed to one another! Remember to enjoy the journey!

I grew up in a blended family...My dad used to laugh when we got into fights...he would stand in the doorway and say to my mother..."Well, looks like my kids and your kids are beating the crap out of OUR kids!"

...I edited that to a PG rating, of course!!!

[pushka]

I'm not a step parent, but I am a parent. I think that with teenagers...I have 2, we have to try to remember that we were teenagers once too, and remember some of the kinds of thoughts we had back then, and try to understand what the teens are going thru as a result of this.

Yes, try to be friends with them, and civil to the ex, don't try to overwhelm them with your love and attention, as they might think that this is your fight to take their mother's place, which would upset them.

With the situation of the 15 year old, try to imagine how you would feel if you were in her position following that party, try to empathise as much as possible, and take positive steps to be supportive and non-judgemental...

I wish you the best of luck!!