Marriage Support

sharrard_family · #1 (**permalink**) 10-20-2007, 09:43 PM

Hello everyone,
I guess what I need here is just some support. My story is kind of long so will paraphrase. My husband and I were married very fast. To be blunt it was less than 3 weeks of first meeting. Thinking it over now we should have waited a bit longer. Anyway things were going alright for a bit. We had a lot of financial struggles and still do to this day. Talking to our bishop one sunday he had given us some wonderful advice. He said " Your finances will either pull you apart or bring you together." Needless to say ours pulled us a part. After relocating in the midst of a pregnancy; things started to happen. My husband finally confided in me that he wasn't happy. He wasn't attracted to me anymore and in general fell out of love with me. We sought a counsellor and went over all of our problems. We decided to stay together and work through our problems so our child will have something better than what he had. (he is from a split home) Anyway I still love him and am doing my best to help keep myself and him happy, but I struggle every now and then. I guess I just get really depressed knowing that my husband isn't in love with me anymore. I work really hard on losing my baby weight and keeping up with our house work. What I am seeking is just some moral support. so when I am having a really bad time ( like now) I can read and remember all of your words to make it through the day. Sometimes I need a little more than just prayer and scriptures.
Thanks everyone
Kortney

pam · #2 (**permalink**) 10-20-2007, 10:19 PM

Not really sure what words of support I can give. My heart goes out to you. Sounds like you are trying really hard. Just don't kill yourself physically and emotionally to try and make something happen that may or may not happen. Even for the sake of your child. I hope for your sake he comes around and finds that spark that brought you two together to begin with. Good luck to you.

sharrard_family · #3 (**permalink**) 10-20-2007, 10:25 PM

Thanks Pam... We are just kind of waiting on our " miracle" to come. We hope and pray that one day it will happen. There are alot of other details to my story that I didn't mention because I feel that they can be too personal and probably could go one sided from either of our sides. My husbands or mine. Anyway I do pretty good with everything and take my time. I am just a neat freak and want to better my self for health reasons. (granted I really am not that over weight) I just read somewhere or heard somewhere that if you have a waist that is bigger than 32" then you are 3 times more likely to have heart and other health problems. So I am just trying to lessen those chances....

Outshined · #4 (**permalink**) 10-23-2007, 05:06 AM

Don't beat yourself up because your husband "isn't in love with you anymore". That isn't something permanent or beyond his control. In 20 years of marriage, I have at times told myself I wasn't sure I loved my wife any more. I didn't tell her that, but I had doubts once or twice. Turns out I was wrong.

The point is, you can get wrapped up in yourself and "fall out of love" with someone, but if you step back and take the time to think about why you fell in love enough to marry them in the first place, it all becomes clear again. I won't go as far as to call him selfish, but that was certainly the case with me; I was thinking about me and not about all we'd been through together and why I fell in love with her. Once that came back into focus, all doubts went away.

Now, 8000 miles away from her for a year, I appreciate her more than ever.

I wish I could say marriage is easy and effortless, but it does take work. Love can be kept alive, and it is not beyond your control. Consider counseling if you're both willing. This is something you can take control of.

By the way; they say women think they're fat if they can't fit into the jeans they wore in high school, while men think they're fat if they can't fit into a foreign car...

Gabelma · #5 (**permalink**) 10-23-2007, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Hello everyone,
I guess what I need here is just some support. My story is kind of long so will paraphrase. My husband and I were married very fast. To be blunt it was less than 3 weeks of first meeting. Thinking it over now we should have waited a bit longer. Anyway things were going alright for a bit. We had a lot of financial struggles and still do to this day. Talking to our bishop one sunday he had given us some wonderful advice. He said " Your finances will either pull you apart or bring you together." Needless to say ours pulled us a part. After relocating in the midst of a pregnancy; things started to happen. My husband finally confided in me that he wasn't happy. He wasn't attracted to me anymore and in general fell out of love with me. We sought a counsellor and went over all of our problems. We decided to stay together and work through our problems so our child will have something better than what he had. (he is from a split home) Anyway I still love him and am doing my best to help keep myself and him happy, but I struggle every now and then. I guess I just get really depressed knowing that my husband isn't in love with me anymore. I work really hard on losing my baby weight and keeping up with our house work. What I am seeking is just some moral support. so when I am having a really bad time ( like now) I can read and remember all of your words to make it through the day. Sometimes I need a little more than just prayer and scriptures.
Thanks everyone
Kortney
[/b]

What you are going through is perfectly normal have you asked your husband for a blessing:? When Richard and I go through rocky times we have a couple counsel - complete with agenda etc we have gone through some really rough times and they really help pull us together, we talk about our wedding day, what we saw in each other. I will be honest I find him more attractive a few pounds he lighter, and I am sure its the same the other way round.

Don't worry you can rekindle your relationship with work - Richard and I went through a bad patch but we are like newly weds right now. But don't wait for the miracle.

-Charley

Outshined · #6 (**permalink**) 10-23-2007, 08:57 AM

Quote:

But don't wait for the miracle. [/b]

That's a more succinct way of saying it.

Don't wait for things to get better, be proactive.

Gabelma · #7 (**permalink**) 10-23-2007, 10:04 AM

I was thinking about you today wanted to ask if you have a date night? I started one at home when I was having a rough time - basically I run a nice hot bath, chop up fruit with chocolate sauce and nice juice, look out mine and Richards best PJs and warm them on the radiator. I then put on my nice music and get in the bath took a while but now and Richards best PJs and warm them on the radiator. I then put on my nice music and get in the bath took a while but now Richard joins in. Worse that happens is I have a nice night pampering me

-Charley