Separated And Lonely

[sinclair]

I have been searching for an LDS support site and am excited to have found it! I asked my husband to leave the house about a month ago. After 14 years of him leaving me everytime we got into a big fight, I finally took a stand about being verbally abused. I know every marriage has problems, but don't many fight fair? My H, took me to the temple, and now throws it in my face that I control him with my religion, that he denounces it, etc. etc., then acts like he didn't say it. He calls me names (swears) and dismisses me when I ask him to stop or if I as for his help or even if I'm trying to explain why I'm sad or frustrated about our marriage. He had (has?) a problem with prescription meds and has been to rehab. This is his first year in "recovery" but I don't think it is working. All of the cranky, critical, mean, behaviour is still there.

So here is the lonely part, it is almost 2am and I cant sleep. I am so sad the kids and I are going through this. He acts like he has never been better now that he is away from me. I too feel better that he is not in the house yelling at us all of the time, but am miserable because I don't want to be a statistic, I don't want our kids to grow up like this, I want to be with someone who fights fair, loves me and shows me he loves me. My therapists and yes that is plural (marriage couples counselor, personal therapist) have told me to detach and move on. The other is trying to get me to take care of myself by sticking to my boundaries. Well ok, I am but guess what, it is making me more sad. I guess I am just a glutton for punishment, who can't admit that I married a weak man who doesn't appreciate his wonderful family and who would rather give up on us than fight for us and admit he has an anger problem and the aftermath of drug addiction and it is these things, not me that is causing the majority of the problems.

Anyway, just wondering if there was anyone else out there in my boat.

[Gabelma]

I haven't been in the same position but my parents seperated - my Dad still blames my Mum publically despite having had countless affairs. And my brother had a recent (well 2 years ago) split from an abusive live in girlfriend

I wanted to say I think you are amazing, to be at the stage you are at already, you are right he doesn't deserve you or even close and he is lucky you stuck with him as long as you did. Do you go to Single Adult things? You do need a crutch to get over the 2am thing its miserable then especially as a single woman and you can't get a blessing easily. Have you had loads of blessings? When I am going through a really rough time before I got married I would make sure I had a blessing every Sunday at church.

You are one amazing lady.

-Charley

[pam]

I have been exactly in your shoes. The only way I got out was to leave a beautiful home with my 3 kids and move into a 2 bedroom apartment. Hardest thing I ever did. I felt all the emotions. How could I do this to my kids was the biggest. Now 9 years later I realize it was the best thing I could have done. Financially it was a terrible struggle and still is. Emotionally...I've never been better. With the exception of one of my children they haven't seen their dad since we separated. Not my choice but his. Do I get lonely? Yes but when I consider the alternative I prefer the loneliness. But I now know who I am and what my strengths are instead of constantly being told what my weaknesses are.

[Canuck Mormon]

When me and my ex-wife seperated, I was in a state of shock mostly. I can't completely understand what you are going through, but I can tell you this. Stay strong and close to the church, and it will get better. My ex-wife, after 7 years of marriage and 15 years together, came home and told me she preferred women. So not only was it a rejection of me, but also of my whole gender. What a bummer. I was inactive at the time and when I started attending church again, my life turned around. That was 5 years ago now, and my life couldn't be any better.


Stay strong and remember that Heavenly Father loves you, and is there for you.

My prayers are with you.

[pushka]

Try to stay strong, take as much good advice as you can. Do not be tempted to return to your previous situation with him just to avoid being a statistic, it would be harmful for you and your children's well being if you did.

I separated from and got divorced from my ex 9 years ago, and I still have occasional nightmares that I am back with him..the feelings those nightmares give me remind me of why I left him in the first place and why being back with him is the last thing that I really want or need now.

Your children will benefit from the loss of endless arguments between you and your husband, and you will grow more independent and stronger for when you approach a new relationship in the future.

[Moksha]

Sinclair, it is nice to have you posting here. These boards can be helpful. Think of them both as an adjunct to your personal therapy and as a chance to communicate with a new group of people.

What helps cheer you up?