Doubting God...please Help

[anthony]

First of all, let me apologise if this is posted in the wrong place. Perhaps perhaps a topic as difficult as doubt in God should be placed in the adult only section? I'm not sure. I also worry that my own thoughts and confusion (as foolish as it may be) might not be good for others testimonies. I have no desire to damage any one's testimony. Believe me, if I could just go on believing without all of this painful doubt life would be wonderful. I just don't want to believe in something that isn't there.

Theoretically, I should be a strong member of the church. I'm 27 years old and was born into the church. I served a full 2 year mission in a foreign country. My parents and brothers are members. My younger brothers are serving missions.

Sometimes I wonder why I can't just be like everybody else. Doubt in God is not fun. Believing in him gives so much meaning and purpose to life. Perhaps weak faith is my lot in life? My weakness God has given me to overcome? Why do others find it so easy to believe while I lack faith? Why can I say, that despite a lifetime in the Church, I cannot honestly recall a strong spiritual experience where God spoke to my soul and said I exist and I love you! I served a full mission studying and praying and working every day with all my soul despite an incredibly debilitating social anxiety disorder that often paralyzed me, where is my confirmation? Don't I deserve one? I can't stop sobbing while writing this.

Some of you may wonder, why is he doubting God instead of just the church? That is, after all, a more common problem. My reasoning is this- the organization of the church is wonderful. It is better and makes far more sense than any other church on the face of the earth. Therefore, if God exists, this is His church. I'm just not sure he exists sometimes...that last sentence was painful to write. Conversely, if this church is false, I would think God does not exist.

I know that in times like these one is encouraged to read the scriptures regularly and pray. Perhaps I should not give up on that as I have. But I also worry that by doing this daily activities it will kind of force me to believe just enough not to question so much...but then I'll eventually falter and lose faith again. Honestly, if I was a Muslim my whole life and felt my faith was weak but then decided to start praying and reading my scriptures everyday the outcome would be the same- my faith in my religion or God would be restored. It seems to me forcing yourself to do something every day makes you believe in what you are doing, no matter what it may be. I hope I'm wrong here.

Please be nice to me here. Some advice, encouragement, anything. These are the words of my soul and as I write them I find I'm crying. It's painful to doubt in something you have be brought up to believe your entire life. Thank you for your time.

[pam]

Is there something that has happened in your life that started your doubting? Just trying to get an idea of when this started.

[anthony]

Is there something that has happened in your life that started your doubting? Just trying to get an idea of when this started.
[/b]

No, not really. Not that I can think of. Just for long as I remember I've never felt the way everybody else does. My parents got divorced few years ago but I think that didn't affect me too much, it affected my younger brothers a lot more. Other than that my life has been pretty good.

[prisonchaplain]

"Lord I believe...but help my unbelief." The prayer is actually biblical. Perhaps, you will have to do like Jacob, and struggle with God, not letting go until he grants you the blessing you seek (assurance of salvation and communion with God). Job too had to struggle with God. And yet...Jesus does promise that whoever opens the door, He will come in and ocmmune with.

Do continue to talk with God...but be honest. God, I don't feel you. I want you to be real. I think you are. But, where are you? Why don't I sense you? Reveal yourself to me.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is referred to as "the dark night of the soul." My sense is that God only grants this ordeal to those He trusts with it. Anthony, you may be one special child of God--one being prepared to do awesome things for the Kingdom.

Sorry to use a cliche here, but "Don't give in...Dig in!" Blessings on this bitter struggle. May it burn from you that which hinders, and liberate you to walk powerfully with your Maker.

[Moksha]

Anthony, could you be more specific as to the doubts you have been having?

[rosie321]

"Lord I believe...but help my unbelief." The prayer is actually biblical. Perhaps, you will have to do like Jacob, and struggle with God, not letting go until he grants you the blessing you seek (assurance of salvation and communion with God). Job too had to struggle with God. And yet...Jesus does promise that whoever opens the door, He will come in and ocmmune with.

Do continue to talk with God...but be honest. God, I don't feel you. I want you to be real. I think you are. But, where are you? Why don't I sense you? Reveal yourself to me.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is referred to as "the dark night of the soul." My sense is that God only grants this ordeal to those He trusts with it. Anthony, you may be one special child of God--one being prepared to do awesome things for the Kingdom.

Sorry to use a cliche here, but "Don't give in...Dig in!" Blessings on this bitter struggle. May it burn from you that which hinders, and liberate you to walk powerfully with your Maker.[/b]

Listen to the PrisonChaplain! Ask God. Be patient. God may not reveal himself to us on our terms or timing. The longer it takes the greater may be the reveal. He may try our patience and faith.

You're not alone. Even Christ felt forsaken at times.

I like a chapter that is rarely mentioned, Daniel 10 particularly vs. 12 and on. It gives me hope when I am feeling abandoned, overwhelmed, or unworthy despite honest efforts towards experiencing the contrary.

In my thoughts and prayers bro.

[mightynancy]

PC wrote what I would have - keep trying, keep asking.

Do things and go places that make it easier to feel the Spirit so you will recognize it. I think that often, anxiety can get in the way of spiritual things (my son has an anxiety disorder).

When my son was preparing for baptism, and to receive the priesthood, I took him to baptisms so that he could feel the spirit. We spoke beforehand, and I told him to pay attention to how he felt during the ceremony. Then he would know what it feels like, if that makes sense. I also took him to the temple grounds (I don't know if this is possible for you, not knowing where you live).

Faith is a gift we can ask for - don't give up.

[anthony]

"Lord I believe...but help my unbelief." The prayer is actually biblical. Perhaps, you will have to do like Jacob, and struggle with God, not letting go until he grants you the blessing you seek (assurance of salvation and communion with God). Job too had to struggle with God. And yet...Jesus does promise that whoever opens the door, He will come in and ocmmune with.

Do continue to talk with God...but be honest. God, I don't feel you. I want you to be real. I think you are. But, where are you? Why don't I sense you? Reveal yourself to me.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is referred to as "the dark night of the soul." My sense is that God only grants this ordeal to those He trusts with it. Anthony, you may be one special child of God--one being prepared to do awesome things for the Kingdom.

Sorry to use a cliche here, but "Don't give in...Dig in!" Blessings on this bitter struggle. May it burn from you that which hinders, and liberate you to walk powerfully with your Maker.
[/b]

Thank you for your words. I felt many things upon reading them. I myself would have given myself the same advice a few months ago. Dig in...but for how long? I'm 27 years old! 27! Why would God make me wait this long for the smallest sign? People in other churches and faiths have visions, life-changing expericences, ect. including the "burning in the busom". I cannot recall experiencing any of that. And if I'm so special, why are other members of this board sending me PM's that I'm not alone in my feelings? Please don't think I'm angry at you or God or anyone...I just feel very frustrated. Thank you so much for responding.

Anthony, could you be more specific as to the doubts you have been having?
[/b]

I have many doubts, most of them are too confused to put into words. The big one, and the one I've never been able to answer, is why has God established his Church on earth throughout the ages when an incredibly small percentage of people on earth have ever belonged to it! If all history was like the Nephites and Lamanites where the truth was present but people turned their backs on it I would understand. But by crude guesswork I would imagine that only .01% of man since the beginning of time has even heard of His church. Why establish something that is so small, that affects so little? Why make such a huge plan with emphasis placed on our time here on earth when in our time here on earth nobody really knows about the church? Apparantly, the vast majority of missionary work will be done after this world, as well as all the ordinaces required. It just doesn't make sense, I try to think of answers but just end up confused.

[prisonchaplain]

Mother Theresa admitted that she struggled with this her whole life. Why do you have to wait? Why is it so hard, when it seems so natural for others?

There is no answer right now. God may choose to reveal it to you at some point this side of eternity. His timing is perfect though...and He does believe that this is a horrific trial that you are able to bear.

Your special, but others have shared your struggle. Mixed messages? Superficially perhaps. But you and I both know that most "strong believers" testify to having sensed the presence of God. As a Pentecostal, I live and breathe an expectancy of sensing his presence daily. "Surely, the presence of the Lord is in this place..." goes one of our hymns.

On the other hand, yes, others have experienced "the dark night of the soul" (which is seldom merely one night).

Perhaps, in your journey, you might meditate on the character of God. Do you believe He is truly good? Is He just? It may be that before you will encounter God, you must first establish your faith in who He is. I'm not so much speaking to Trinity or Godhead, as to his character. Do you trust God to be good and strong enough?

[rosie321]

<div class='quotemain'>
"Lord I believe...but help my unbelief." The prayer is actually biblical. Perhaps, you will have to do like Jacob, and struggle with God, not letting go until he grants you the blessing you seek (assurance of salvation and communion with God). Job too had to struggle with God. And yet...Jesus does promise that whoever opens the door, He will come in and ocmmune with.

Do continue to talk with God...but be honest. God, I don't feel you. I want you to be real. I think you are. But, where are you? Why don't I sense you? Reveal yourself to me.

What you have experienced and are experiencing is referred to as "the dark night of the soul." My sense is that God only grants this ordeal to those He trusts with it. Anthony, you may be one special child of God--one being prepared to do awesome things for the Kingdom.

Sorry to use a cliche here, but "Don't give in...Dig in!" Blessings on this bitter struggle. May it burn from you that which hinders, and liberate you to walk powerfully with your Maker.
[/b]

Thank you for your words. I felt many things upon reading them. I myself would have given myself the same advice a few months ago. Dig in...but for how long? I'm 27 years old! 27! Why would God make me wait this long for the smallest sign? People in other churches and faiths have visions, life-changing expericences, ect. including the "burning in the busom". I cannot recall experiencing any of that. And if I'm so special, why are other members of this board sending me PM's that I'm not alone in my feelings? Please don't think I'm angry at you or God or anyone...I just feel very frustrated. Thank you so much for responding.

Anthony, could you be more specific as to the doubts you have been having?
[/b]

I have many doubts, most of them are too confused to put into words. The big one, and the one I've never been able to answer, is why has God established his Church on earth throughout the ages when an incredibly small percentage of people on earth have ever belonged to it! If all history was like the Nephites and Lamanites where the truth was present but people turned their backs on it I would understand. But by crude guesswork I would imagine that only .01% of man since the beginning of time has even heard of His church. Why establish something that is so small, that affects so little? Why make such a huge plan with emphasis placed on our time here on earth when in our time here on earth nobody really knows about the church? Apparantly, the vast majority of missionary work will be done after this world, as well as all the ordinaces required. It just doesn't make sense, I try to think of answers but just end up confused.
[/b][/quote]
Seperate God and the Church for a minute. Talk to God. Ask Him to reveal Himself. You might miss God behind the church

As far as being 27-how long do you have to wait- How long did Abraham have to wait for his promised child? How long did it take before Christ came to earth. The faith walk is full of waiting Joseph Smith waited 3 years before recieving the plates. Please let me encourage you to take a look at Hebrews chapters 11-13. There it even talks about those who died in faith having not recieved their particular promise. But they knew that God was faithful. I don't believe God would leave such a big question like is he there a mystery. Just keep going, keep asking. It will come.