infidelity

[brady_burns]

me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years, she recently cheated on my with another man and then left me for another man, when i found out i told her she needed to move out but now i wish i didnt....

is forgiving her the right thing to do, she says she wants to try and make it work but not right now, to me that is not fair its got to be try and make it work now or never, i know that todays relationships if someone screws up once its over, but i want to keep fighting i want to make us grow stronger through these very hard times...... is that the right attitude or should i just move on without her......

she did this to me once before and i forgave her and we made it work, and i thought we grew more close to eachother but now that it happended again i just dont know anymore, god gives us our whole life to change and become better so should i do that with her, im so in love with her but i just dont know what to do anymore....

[the_jason]

Forgiving her does not mean you have to take her back. Infidelity is pretty much an inpardonable sin in a relationship, depending on how far it went. The decision is yours whether or not to take her back. You are obligated to forgive her. You aren't obligated to trust her.

[brady_burns]

thanks it means alot to me to have advice

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

So let me see if I have this right.

You were shacking up with your girlfriend, who has cheated on you not once, not twice, but three times. The third time, you finally told her to move out. There is no marital committment, but you expect her to remain solely yours. Every time she sleeps around, she tells you it was a one time thing and she wants to come back to you.

Is that right?

Well, my answer to your question is the same as Jason's. Forgiving someone is always the right thing to do. But forgiveness doesn't mean exposing yourself to the possibility of her giving you a disease the next time around. Forgiveness doesn't mean ignoring character flaws or patterns of behavior.

god gives us our whole life to change and become better

God also gives children to people who have nookie. Kind of a permanent consequence to such an uncommitted and temporary relationship driven by lust masquerading as love, don't you think?

Look - I'm not pretending to be any kind of sinless perfect person. I'm giving you the same advice I wish someone would give me if I were in your shoes. If you have sex with people without some sort of meaningful marital commitment, you're basically admitting that it's temporary. So when you find out she's thinking the same thing and acting on it, you do yourself a disservice by getting all shocked and hurt. You got three choices:
* Ask her to marry you, with the understanding that both of you expect complete fidelity to each other for the rest of your lives.
* Break up with her and find someone you can see yourself making babies with.
* Take her back, knowing that you will never be the only person that keeps her warm at night.

im so in love with her but i just dont know what to do anymore

Love is not enough. That's true for married people too.

LM

[brady_burns]

that makes alot of sence, thank you for your advice

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by brady_burns

she did this to me once before and i forgave her and we made it work, and i thought we grew more close to each other but now that it happened again i just don't know anymore, god gives us our whole life to change and become better so should i do that with her, I'm so in love with her but i just don't know what to do anymore....

This reminds me of women always forgiving the men that abuse them.

I say move on. Find a nice girl who can be faithful to you. Moping over someone who does not care the same about you is an inevitable headache.

[checkerboy]

Coming from someone that had their spouse cheat on them I would say you do need to forgive. If she is sincere in her repentance then you can try to take her back, but honestly after three times do you think she is being sincere? Love hurts, man, I know. Even though my wife cheated on me and we are now getting divorced there are times when I wish we could be together still. It sucks when you love someone and they don't love you.

[Iggy]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

You got three choices:
* Ask her to marry you, with the understanding that both of you expect complete fidelity to each other for the rest of your lives.
* Break up with her and find someone you can see yourself making babies with.
* Take her back, knowing that you will never be the only person that keeps her warm at night.

Love is not enough. That's true for married people too.LM

I pretty much agree with LM- I just want to add one more thing-
Be the type of person you want your spouse to be. Sit down and write out the attributes that you are looking for in a wife, then YOU live those attributes. Don't settle for second best either. Don't be a second best type of person either.

Stop this shacking up business. Sex is not a substitute for getting to know someone. Also sex is not the end all, be all of a marriage. Be a friend first, middle and last. Once you are married, then you have sex. Do you really want to marry a woman who will settle for shacking up? What makes you think some woman wants to marry a man who only wants to shack up and not commit himself to marriage, who can not control himself and not have sex before marriage? Who can not respect her enough to control himself and not shack up and have premaritial sex?

[Mahonri]

Decide right now that you will live the Law of Chastity.

It is the only way you will ever be happy.

Move on.

[WillowTheWhisp]

My advice would be move on. You did the forgiving and forgetting bit but she didn't change. Learn from that.

My further advice would be live your life so that the next person you find will be loyal and faithful. In my book that means living the law of chastity and being the sort of person you want your partner in life to be.