Please help! I'm active, he doesn't care about church anymore...

[Sister_M]

Hey Everyone!

I'm new here and extremely short on time so will post an introduction later. But I'm in depserate need of some advice as I'm just about at the end of my emotional rope.

I've been married for almost a decade to a really cool guy, we have 3 kids. In a nutshell, I love the church and believe in the gospel with all my heart. He has been inactive for 5 years and finally told me last weekend that he just simply doesn't care about the church anymore and he's starting to drink and do some other things not aligned with the gospel teachings.

My main concern is doctorine related. Simply what does this mean for my own eternity? Will I be "dragged down" to a lower Kingdom or wherever he ends up? Will my kids still be sealed to me?!

There is a lot more going on but it's time for me to pick my little ones up from school. I know this is short but trust me, I've been crying my eyes out for a long time over this. I love him and I'm all for free agency and stuff but I've spent my entire life believing in this and striving to know where I will end up after this life and now it just seems like I don't know where I'll end up, or if I'll be sperated from the man I love because he's decided to break his covenants.

Thanks for any help, I truly appreciate it!

[the_jason]

Originally Posted by Sister_M

My main concern is doctorine related. Simply what does this mean for my own eternity? Will I be "dragged down" to a lower Kingdom or wherever he ends up?

Absolutely not. God is a loving and just God. He won't punish you for the sins of your husband. If you remain faithful you will be exalted. He will make a way for your kids to be sealed to you.

[tomk]

Dear Sister:

We are promised a fullness of joy if we are faithful.

These things will be sorted-out by Christ. As long as you are faithful, you will not be disappointed.

If your husband does not choose to remain with you, because of his choices, well, there's not much that can be done. He has his agency, and God won't interfere with his (or yours). But YOU will receive exaltation if you keep your covenants. The blessings won't be denied you because your husband breaks his covenants.

[checkerboy]

I am going through the same thing. My wife decided to not keep her covenants. We are actually getting divorced and she even asked our bishop if she could get a temple divorce. The bishop basically told her that because she isn't living right she already has one. Temple covenants are conditional on whether we keep our end. If he isn't doing what he should you two won't be sealed after this life. Your children will always be sealed to you. I asked my bishop the same thing and he guarenteed that because they were sealed to us before they were born they would stay sealed even if we got divorced. Hope some of that helps.

[WillowTheWhisp]

There may not be concrete answers to some of your questions but the way to deal with it is to continue to live as you know you should, especially setting the example for your children of the life of someone who keeps their gospel standards against the life of someone who doesn't. If they can see that ultimately you are fulfilled and happy because you have that deep reassuring peace of knowing that your Saviour loves you and will care for you whatever happens around you they should see the contrast between that and the temporary pleasure gained from not living the gospel standards and by drinking which diminishes ones awareness and any presumed pleasure is shortlived (usually followed the next morning by a headache and hangover - maybe even the inability to recall what was so enjoyable the previous evening)

If you keep your covenants He will not forsake you. How He will do it we none of us know. It may be that your husband will one day see the error of his ways and come back to the church. It may be that you do not receive the solution until the resurrection, just rest assured that solution there WILL be because you are promised the blessings.

[Misshalfway]

This sounds like such a tough situation. I am so sorry. But hopefully he is only diverting for a time. Maybe he will feel the loss of the spirit at some point, and then change his course. I surely hope so for you.

I have a relative who wrote a letter to her alcoholic father asking him to repent and read the BofM. He put the letter in a drawer for years and then one day read it. Those sweet words from his daughter compelled him to change his life. He is now sealed to his family and doing great. It took 12 years for it to resolve.....but it did. There is always hope.

Best wishes to you.

[Moksha]

Will I be "dragged down" to a lower Kingdom or wherever he ends up?

No

Will my kids still be sealed to me?!

Yes

[tree]

Sis_m, Hi I Am So Very Sorry To Hear About Your Current Situation, I Will Keep You And Your Family In My Prayers As I Am Sure The Others Here On This Site Will To! My Heart Aches For You. Heavenly Father, Go Before Sister_m , And Be Her Strength, Her Comfort And Her Guide In Her Situation With Her Husband. Open His Eyes And His Heart And Mind To The Love You Have For Him, And For The Love His Family Has For Him And How Much His Family Needs Him To Be Spiritualy Pure Mentaly,physicaly,emotionaly And Financialy. Heavenly Father Give Her And Her Children Peace, Protection And The Guidence They Need To Make It Thru This Situation No Matter How Long It May Take Or Whatever The Out Come May Be. Your Will Be Done,,, This I Pray In The Name Of Your Son,jesus Christ Amen!

[Sister_M]

Hi Everyone! Wow, thank you SO much for the replies and reassurances. There's so much more to this story, I'd like to elaborate a little bit after the weekend if you guys don't mind. Your words have meant so much though and have given me a little bit of peace. I was feeling so "doomed" based on his own belief, or lack thereof I should say. I feel a little more hopeful now although I still have a few more doctorine based questions. We just moved into a new ward in the autumn and would ask my Bishop but I don't want to bombard him with such a serious thing when he doesn't know me very well yet. He knows a little bit but not everything of course but oddly I find it easier to talk to strangers than to talk to my Bishop right now. I guess I just don't want to paint my husband in a bad light locally if that makes sense. This is meant to be a quick reply so I'll end it here for now and if you don't mind will write some more on Monday. Hope everyone has a good weekend!

[pushka]

Hi Sister M. Thanks for sharing your concerns with us all here at the board. I look forward to hearing from you again on Monday, and hope that you have a more enjoyable weekend too, in the meantime