Work Issues-HELP

[teacherdani]

Ok all, there are some questions that I have. I am constantly pulling my hair out over this and I don't know what you all think so PLEASE offer advice.

1) At my work during lunch a lot of people in the teacher's lounge talk about filthy things- prior to learning about the church (I will be baptized March 22) it didn't bother me, but it TRULY does now. Is it rude to leave and have lunch elsewhere? I'm feeling convicted about this. Some of them know from my students excitement who are LDS that I am coverting- I don't want to show a bad side of LDS, I don't want to disown them, but I don't like the inappropriate talk. What should I do?

2) There is a party that a lot of people are planning to go to that is going to happen after school hours at the house of one of the teachers. There is a TON of alcohol that is going to be there and I have an issue with taking my family to a party like that. It's not going to be a drunken mess, however the fact that they are going to have like 10 bottles of wine and beer for maybe 20 people makes me feel sort of sick. Should I go or not, and again if I don't is this rude and reflect badly on the church?

I'm SO confused- help!!!

Thanks and God Bless You-

Dani

[Gwen]

i don't think it's rude to eat elsewhere. personaly if there is somewhere else pleasent for you to eat i think that is better than telling them what they can and can't talk about. unless it violates school policy some how. if someone asks why you don't join in anymore then be honest. just say something like i'm not comfortable with that any longer, you are more than welcome to join me here and discuss other things.

for the party i think you are in the right to not go. if you aren't comfortable don't do it. sometimes there are social situations that for career's sake you need to go. for example hubby's work has a christmas party every yr with an open bar paid for by the company. you can only imagine how ppl will take advantage of that. for his career he needs to at least make an appearance. we would never take our children (not that they are invited hehehe but there are other events they were invited we still chose to do this way), we go and do the social thing, have dinner and when ppl are done eating and start to really enjoy the bar we excuse ourselves (only stay about an hour maybe two at most). the kids are a great excuse, got to get home and get those kids to bed, babysitter needs to get home, etc. lol folks at his work know he doesn't drink, they know that part of the party won't be fun for us, and there has never been any backlash for doing it that way.

follow the spirit, take care of your family first and let the lord worry about the rest. good luck

[Sister_M]

Hi there- I would say it would not be rude to have lunch on your own. My husband would eat lunch at his desk for the same reasons and he just told them that his lunch break was his only quiet time for the day so he wanted to take advantage of it (he started wearing his ipod). ;-) As for the party- hmmm, well, that's a little harder. We've been to work functions before, like Superbowl parties, where there was a lot of beer, etc. They knew upfront that we were LDS and did not drink so they respected that and never offered. Sometimes it's hard to share beliefs with others but if you come out and are honest with them hopefully they will be mindful of you and your family and you can still go and have some fun. Either way, good luck and congrats on your upcoming baptism!

[Stampede]

When i got re-active in church, my friend's constant swearing (the "F" word every other word sometimes) really bothered me, and i just told them straight up to knock it off.

they don't realize it because it is so natual to them. i didn;t realize it untill i got back into church how much i was swearing and talking about inappropriate things. if you still want to be friends with them (nothign wrong with that) just take them aside and tell them nicely and tactfully how you feel about what they talk about.

[Moksha]

Since you ask:

1. Let any unpleasant talk roll off you like water on a ducks back. Remain serene and pleasant.

2. Go to the party and have fun. Stick to the non-alcoholic beverages and remain nonjudgmental of those who do drink a glass of wine. Remember, these people are your colleagues and hopefully your friends as well.

[Dinah]

Disclaimer: I'm not LDS, so I may have a perspective that won't work for you.

However, I second what Moksha says. You can eat wherever you want to eat. If the chairs in your usual location are comfortable, if the decor is soothing to the eyes, and if you enjoy the people's company when they're not talking about topics you don't like, stick around. It's also okay to introduce a topic of conversation yourself. Instead of passively waiting for someone to talk about their drug use or sexual habits, start something yourself. "Hey, I'm having some folks over for dinner next week, and I'd like to serve a slightly more impressive dinner than usual. Anyone know of a really unusual, tasty salad I could serve as a first course?"

As for the party, what are you going for? Is it for socializing with people you enjoy, meeting new people, having conversations and laughing and relaxing? Is it for the opportunity to eat fun and interesting foods and compliment your hosts on how unusual and delicious they are? Because you can do those things even if someone is having a glass of wine or a beer. MOST people require three or more drinks to get drunk, and at least two before they feel any effects at all (at least as far as their ability to hold up their end of a conversation -- one drink, even half a drink, affects the ability to drive). Go to the party. Enjoy yourself. When the conversations turn risque' and/or the alcohol starts to flow in earnest -- that is, more than the two drinks that almost everyone of adult size and weight can handle without becoming impaired or rude -- just go home, claiming tiredness.

If on the other hand you're at the party to spread your beliefs and values with people who may or may not be receptive to the message you want to send, you're right, better not to attend, for the same reason you shouldn't try to teach a pig to sing: It wastes your time, and annoys the pig.

[JustMiss]

I'm not LDS but here is what I think

1) At my work during lunch a lot of people in the teacher's lounge talk about filthy things- prior to learning about the church (I will be baptized March 22) it didn't bother me, but it TRULY does now. Is it rude to leave and have lunch elsewhere? I'm feeling convicted about this. Some of them know from my students excitement who are LDS that I am coverting- I don't want to show a bad side of LDS, I don't want to disown them, but I don't like the inappropriate talk. What should I do?

Honestly, you will continue to change. Things that didn't use to bother you will start bothering because you are now more in tune with sin in your life and surrounding your life and that's natural. It's not rude to have lunch elsewhere. But if you are at the table and the subject starts to change and you start feeling uncomfortable then tone them out. My husband deals with a lot at his job. He too is a teacher. He actually pulls out magazines and starts reading them. He has gotten up before and said, "Ok and on that note I'm going to head out" He is polite and smiles and tells them bye so they aren't offended but he doesn't stay and listen to the flith either... and his coworkers are learning and they also have a level of respect for him that they try not to talk about things when he is there.... It's an adjustment for you to be around and it will also be an adjustment for your co workers. But that's not a bad thing. My co workers and my husband's as well know what is acceptable for them to joke about and what we may find offensive. It all comes down to respect alot of times. And there is nice ways of asking for a subject change. I wish you luck, I know it's not a easy situation.

2) There is a party that a lot of people are planning to go to that is going to happen after school hours at the house of one of the teachers. There is a TON of alcohol that is going to be there and I have an issue with taking my family to a party like that. It's not going to be a drunken mess, however the fact that they are going to have like 10 bottles of wine and beer for maybe 20 people makes me feel sort of sick. Should I go or not, and again if I don't is this rude and reflect badly on the church?

Ok with this one you have to do what is right for you. If it makes you feel sick at the thought of taking your family to a party where there is alcohol then don't go. And by all means, no it isn't rude. If you choose to go I don't think it would reflect badly on you or the church if you keep your standard. I don't drink. And we have gone to formal parties where there have been alcohol. If someone offers me a glass of wine or something, I just politely tell them something like, "no thank you I don't drink, but I would love a sprite or coke or something" and I smile and never act offended that they offered. Because they didn't know I dont' drink... You shouldn't feel akward because you don't drink. You can go to these events and be a positive role model for the people around you. But know this, It's not rude to not go because you think you might be uncomfortable. I have gone to lots of things and most people now know that my husband and I don't drink and they don't even offer it. They bring us water, soda etc. There is lots of options and you'll adjust as you go! Good luck and God Bless!

[crytsprospect]

OK for me I would mabey spend only half my lunches in the teachers lounge. I wouldn't participate in negative conversations except to mabey change the subject. I would go to the party early and make a showing be positive and bug out early with a previous obligation. Become the Christ like role model you are meant to be . Good Luck

[crytsprospect]

OK for me I would mabey spend only half my lunches in the teachers lounge. I wouldn't participate in negative conversations except to mabey change the subject. I would go to the party early and make a showing be positive and bug out early with a previous obligation. Become the Christ like role model you are meant to be . Good Luck

[Traela]

My husband is a teacher. He always eats at his desk, because the spirit in the teacher's lounge (even apart from any profanity) is very negative. Maybe it's different in your school, but in his, it's the whiners who tend to congregate in the lounge.