social anxiety in a singles ward

[johnnylingo]

Please help!

I'm a 23 year old woman and I moved into a singles ward for the first time this year, for school. I feel like nobody likes me in the ward.

It's hard for me to make friends because a few years ago, I had social anxiety (fear of people and social situations so intense I wouldn't answer the phone/stayed at home for days). I'm a lot better now, and I've stopped taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist, but I'm still a little awkward around people.

I think though, that I've made a big effort this year to be friendly, introduce myself, chat with others, go to activities. I even have LDS roommates. But nobody invites me to their house, or sits with me in church, or seems to reciprocate my friendliness.

What am I doing wrong? How do I make friends?

Should I talk to my bishop about social anxiety and loneliness??? What could he do about it?

And can I talk about this in fast and testimony meeting???
A few months ago, a woman talked about overcoming severe depression, and I admired her courage and openness. Now I want to talk about my problems, partly because I want to have courage and openness too, partly to explain any behaviour that might have seemed cold/snobbish, partly to make everyone in my ward feel guilty for not having been nice to me.
What do you think about this??

[WillowTheWhisp]

The bit about wanting to make people feel guilty for not having been nice to you is a good reason not to talk about it in Testimony Meeting. You could end up feeling guilty yourself for doing that.

Helping people to understand your difficulties and helping them to understand you is a positive motive and in my opinion is a good reason.

I don't know what the policy is in your Ward but we are always being told to keep our testimony simple and to the point and not to involve personal stories. There has been one sister whose 'testimony' has always been a tale of woe about what she feels is wrong with the church and why she doesn't want to be there. It does nothing for the spirit of the meeting. This last Sunday our Bishop actually asked someone to sit down as his intention was to amuse and entertain people. He even referred to us as 'the audience' and commented on other members' techniques. We are told a testimony should only be about how you feel about your gratitude for the Atonement and your knowledge of the truth of the Gospel. In Primary we have even been told to steer the children away from "I love my Mummy and Daddy".

I hope that you can reach people in other ways, perhaps through your RS President and Bishop and I hope that you are able to settle in and make friends.


PS I love the story of Johnny Lingo.

[dakwilk]

You shouldn't use your experience to make people feel guilty. Remember, everyone has their own thing that they are worrying about.

But, if your experience has increased your faith and testimony, I think that it can help others if you share it. It is nice to hear WHY someone knows that the church is true and that HF answers prayers. It is faith promoting to me to hear the stories as long as they are not told to get sympathy and are told to explain why you have the testimony that you have.

You could also share on a one to one basis. Maybe with one of your roommates? They might be a big help. I think that you will find that there are lots of other people in your ward who have the same feelings. Good luck and give it time. Sometimes it takes a while to find out where you fit in.

[Moksha]

JL, I think the above advice of avoiding trying to make others feel guilty is very important for it will end up creating even more of a barrier.

Have you considered a proactive strategy of finding someone else who is alone and sitting by them in the meetings and befriending them in general?
I did something like this in my Sacrament meeting. There was a guy who nobody sat close to because he smelled of cigarette smoke. I sat by him and chatted before the meeting started. We became friends. Do you think something like this might work for you?

I agree that finding friends at Church is not easy, but it is not impossible. I have a theory, that fellowshipping becomes more natural the further one moves in distance from Provo, Utah, so by the time one goes to Church in say Ulan Battor, Mongolia - the folks will clamor to be your friend. Until that time, doing your own outreach seems to help.

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

Originally Posted by johnnylingo

Please help!

I'm a 23 year old woman and I moved into a singles ward for the first time this year, for school. I feel like nobody likes me in the ward.

It's hard for me to make friends because a few years ago, I had social anxiety (fear of people and social situations so intense I wouldn't answer the phone/stayed at home for days). I'm a lot better now, and I've stopped taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist, but I'm still a little awkward around people.

I think though, that I've made a big effort this year to be friendly, introduce myself, chat with others, go to activities. I even have LDS roommates. But nobody invites me to their house, or sits with me in church, or seems to reciprocate my friendliness.

What am I doing wrong? How do I make friends?

Should I talk to my bishop about social anxiety and loneliness??? What could he do about it?

And can I talk about this in fast and testimony meeting???
A few months ago, a woman talked about overcoming severe depression, and I admired her courage and openness. Now I want to talk about my problems, partly because I want to have courage and openness too, partly to explain any behaviour that might have seemed cold/snobbish, partly to make everyone in my ward feel guilty for not having been nice to me.
What do you think about this??

My singles ward has a "Friendshipping and Service Council" who's purpose it is to make sure new members to our ward have a smooth transition and feel welcomed, as well as to initiate and plan service projects for the ward. One of our assignments is to befriend new members and be a buddy to them for at least a month (3 I think, actually) so that they have someone to introduce them to others and to help them make friends. You might suggest to your bishop that something like this be started in your ward. You might even volunteer for a position on the council - for two reasons: It would give you a wonderful opportunity to meet new people and to help new members avoid the confusion and heartache you suffer, and it would give you a wonderful opportunity to actively overcome and deal with your social anxiety.

[tubaloth]

Fast and testimony meeting is not a place to make people feel guilty? Do you think you well get more friends that way? You can't make other people like you. You just have to do your part and let other people make there own choices. Invite people to your place, play games, watch a Movie (I hear Enchanted is pretty good). Keep going to activites and get to know some people. You might not find your best friend there, but you well have people you can talk to, people that YOU can go and sit by.
Hopefully by now you have a calling (or well get one soon). get involved in your calling. Also get to know your visiting teaching families. Try to have at least some level of friendship with them. Don't expect everything to happen over night, but just keep making progress. Thats why we are here right?

[Jbs2763]

it took me 2-3 months to start making good buddays at my singles ward...just go to everything

[Hemidakota]

Originally Posted by johnnylingo

Please help!

I'm a 23 year old woman and I moved into a singles ward for the first time this year, for school. I feel like nobody likes me in the ward.

It's hard for me to make friends because a few years ago, I had social anxiety (fear of people and social situations so intense I wouldn't answer the phone/stayed at home for days). I'm a lot better now, and I've stopped taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist, but I'm still a little awkward around people.

I think though, that I've made a big effort this year to be friendly, introduce myself, chat with others, go to activities. I even have LDS roommates. But nobody invites me to their house, or sits with me in church, or seems to reciprocate my friendliness.

What am I doing wrong? How do I make friends?

Should I talk to my bishop about social anxiety and loneliness??? What could he do about it?

And can I talk about this in fast and testimony meeting???
A few months ago, a woman talked about overcoming severe depression, and I admired her courage and openness. Now I want to talk about my problems, partly because I want to have courage and openness too, partly to explain any behaviour that might have seemed cold/snobbish, partly to make everyone in my ward feel guilty for not having been nice to me.
What do you think about this??

I wish the First Presidency would do away with Single Wards. I was asked in the 80s about Single Wards and passionately decline the move.

[puf_the_majic_dragon]

Originally Posted by Hemidakota

I wish the First Presidency would do away with Single Wards. I was asked in the 80s about Single Wards and passionately decline the move.

I wouldn't be going to church without a singles ward. I know many other people who are the same. Statistically I think if you look at the numbers, singles wards make a huge difference in keeping young adults active. They're not for everyone, and if you don't like them you don't have to go. But some of us need them.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by puf_the_majic_dragon

I wouldn't be going to church without a singles ward. I know many other people who are the same. Statistically I think if you look at the numbers, singles wards make a huge difference in keeping young adults active. They're not for everyone, and if you don't like them you don't have to go. But some of us need them.

You make an excellent point. These wards can be beneficial for the target audience. Too bad some have an upper age limit.

BTW, do divorced singles bring their children to these wards?