My husband's conversion or not?

[teacherdani]

Well, here is my issue.

Since December my husband and I have found the church and I personally have been so very excited about the changes it has made in my life. I know that the church is true, I know the Book of Mormon is true, and I know the Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. My husband attended all of the missionary discussions with me and HE set a date to be baptized on March 22 which is the day after my daughter's birthday, near spring beginning, and also near easter. We were doing family home evenings, praying as a family every night and every morning, attending church together, communicating with other people in the church and we grew more and more excited about the church together and the betterment in our family.

Our last missionary discussion to prepare us for baptism was on Monday night of last week. My husband had the entire week off to stay at home as it was his spring break and he is a college professor. During this time at home he really didn't do much of anything besides stay at home, clean up a little, then play on a computer game. Monday night came and we learned that we would have to answer yes to certain questions before we were baptized. I thought Monday before we went to the discussion my husband was acting very weird- that something negative had happened to him.

The entire week was awful, he really didn't speak much to me, he was rude, he just wasn't who he was before. Then on Friday after I shared with him how excited I was about the Relief Society and how wonderful it was to have all these sisters, he let me know that he didn't feel welcomed into the priesthood at all. In fact, he didn't believe in the church and he felt that I was too wrapped up in the church.

He said that he never believed any of it and he doesn't believe that Jesus was the son of God- he said that the only thing he believed was that God spoke directly to him and that he had a personal relationship with God. My world has been destroyed or I feel as though it has because I feel like he has lied to me. When I asked him why he lied to me, he said because he saw the positives in our family and so he thought he could believe in the church by that time and that he just doesn't believe. He doesn't believe in ANY of it. I'm really feeling hurt right now and confused

We have been married for seven years and there are issues with him hiding things and not telling me the truth- I guess this is why this latest thing hurts so much. The thing is I REFUSE to let anything hold me back from being baptized. I KNOW that this is the true church, I KNOW my heavenly father loves me, and I KNOW the Book of Mormon is from God. My life has changed in SO many beautiful ways- Im' frustrated about this whole situation and I don't know what to do. I thought that maybe satan had gotten to my husband this week- but he said that he has felt this way all along. I've talked to him about it, prayed about it more times than I can number, and I feel differently about my husband now. I feel that I cannot trust him, I feel raw, I feel sick honestly about this whole thing. He has made me feel that way.

I want to raise my almost 2 year old daughter in the church and then let her decide for herself if the church is for her or not. I HAVE to raise her to love Jesus and know him at the very least- this is my truest belief. My husband has told me that he will think about what she can learn about. He wants her to freely explore and learn for herself what is right and wrong- and as a high school teacher I KNOW what happens to kids that are raised that way!!! Children cannot reason by themselves before they are age 21- their brains are not fully developed in the pre-frontal cortex....

I'm rambling, but I'm hurt, I'm disgusted, I'm angry, I feel lied to and not only that but he said that he refuses to go to church anymore, that when the missionaries come back over that he will leave with my daughter just so that I cannot be in the same house as the missionaries (I don't think they can be alone with women?) He doesn't want to be in family home evenings, he doesn't want to be in family prayers, and he wants out of the church and religion ENTIRELY. What can and should I do besides cry and pray? I'm really lost and out of ideas... PLEASE HELP!!!!

Thanks,

Danielle

[teacherdani]

Another thing he said is that he doesn't like the people, that the people really bother him because they all tend to hang out together and he doesn't like people all hanging out together because then they are removed from others. I tried to explain to him why I prefered to hang out with people with my same values and he said that was HORRIBLE. That I SHOULD be around people who cuss and just grin and bear it. I feel as though if we keep this up- I'm not sure how we are going to stay married. It is SO frustrating! I don't want to live like this....

[WillowTheWhisp]

Oh Dani how awful this must be for you. Has he objected to you getting baptised? If not then hang on to that and if he will allow your daughter to attend Primary thank him for that. As your daughter grows she will be able to feel the spirit from you and from church members.

My first husband was a member of the church and a faithful priesthood holder. I am currently married to someone who isn't. I know the difference. I pray that my husband will accept the Gospel and be baptised but he is like your husband seems to be. All I can do is pray and stay faithful.

Hang on in there.

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

Originally Posted by teacherdani

What can and should I do besides cry and pray? I'm really lost and out of ideas... PLEASE HELP!!!!

Since you're asking for ideas, I suggest you work on your end of the marriage. You have a marriage issue that is expressing itself in all sorts of facets of your life, and your growth in the church is only one of these facets.

What you describe isn't anything specific to mormons - it's a marriage issue.

I can suggest a good book, if you're willing to look at what you can do to help:
Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships - get one used for $7 including shipping.

Good luck!
LM

[HomeAgain]

Originally Posted by teacherdani

Another thing he said is that he doesn't like the people, that the people really bother him because they all tend to hang out together and he doesn't like people all hanging out together because then they are removed from others. I tried to explain to him why I prefered to hang out with people with my same values and he said that was HORRIBLE. That I SHOULD be around people who cuss and just grin and bear it. I feel as though if we keep this up- I'm not sure how we are going to stay married. It is SO frustrating! I don't want to live like this....

I can feel for you Danielle ... I'm going through a similar situation. My husband left the church five years ago. He feels uncomfortable around Mormons to this day. But I think the best thing to remember in tough times is that we can only control ourselves. We can have a positive influence on others, but they have their free agency.

I think the best example I could give is my parents. They have always been faithful in the LDS church, even though their children have wavered. I left the church five years ago, shortly after my husband, and I know it must have hurt my parents deeply. But they didn't let it interfere with our relationship. They kept loving me, and living their religion at the same time.

This fall they came out to watch our children become baptized in another religion (my husband's). My parents didn't judge, they just served us and loved us.

Then suddenly in January I got this tremendous feeling that I needed to go back to the LDS church, and I started reading my Book of Mormon again. I have returned to the church, and my parents are overjoyed. They never pushed me or argued with me. They just loved me and prayed for me.

The spiritual feelings and insights you have are real, and they bring you joy. Cherish them. And recognize that maybe your husband isn't ready yet. But that doesn't mean he won't be ready someday -- if you show a good example.

My dad says: Just live your religion, be loving and kind, and eventually the spirit will rub off on those around you.

We can't convert others, but the spirit will.

Best of luck to you!!!

Nicole