The five love languages - Chapman

[changed]

We are discussing this tonight at our book club - here are some quotes, I thought it was a very good book:

All human accomplishments that are not motivated by love are, in the end, empty.
Solitary confinement is considered the cruelest of punishments.

children
Inside every child is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love
Misbehavior was a misguided search for the love they did not feel.

marriage
At the heart of mankind’s existence is the desire to be intimate and to be loved by another. Marriage is designed to meet that need for intimacy and love

One flesh – that did not mean that individuals would lose their identity; it meant that they would enter into each other’s lives in a deep and intimate way.

Whatever the quality of your marriage now, it can always be better.

Chapter 3: Falling in love
Pg 30: the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years.

“in love” state gives us the illusion that we have an intimate relationship. The “in love” experience should not be called love
1. falling in love is not an act of the will or a conscious choice.
2. it is effortless, no discipline or conscious effort, instinctual animal nature, not selfless, no sacrifice, no thought or will in it.
3. one who is in love is not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person. Our purpose is to terminate our own loneliness and ensure result through marriage – does not focus on our own growth or on the growth and development of the other person, instead feel like you are at the apex of life’s happiness and our only desire is to stay there….
We can recognize the “in-love” experience for what it was – a temporary emotional high, and now pursue “real love” with our spouse.
Real love – a love that grows out of reason and choice, (not instinct) effort, and discipline. We choose to be kind, generous – this is real love.

How do we meet each other’s deep emotional need to feel loved?
If we can learn that, and choose to do it, then the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we ever felt when we were infatuated.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

take the test online to see what language you are, and what language your hubby is:
Love Languages Test

a short descript of each, scroll down:
Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages: Learn the Languages

Have you read it? What did you think of it?

My hubby and I had a good laugh over chapter 3 - that you have to use "willpower" to love one another, that infatuation does not last hard stuff to admit LOL! Great to talk over though!

[Loudmouth_Mormon]

This book saved my marriage and helped us be happy. I'm a big fan.

[kurisuchina]

I didn't like this book very much. I know it has been beneficial to a lot of people and I appreciate the author's attempt to get couples to think about their spouse's needs. However, I also feel that it promotes selfishness in a way. "Love me the way I want to be loved and I will accept no other form of love from you!" Everyone feels love in different ways but everyone also gives love in different ways. So we need to recognize others' attempts at loves and appreciate them. But like I said, I also appreciate that we need to try to meet the other person's needs and not our own. I would recommend the institute manual "Eternal Marriage: Student Manual." It is enormous but if you are looking for one place to find advice from the apostles on marriage and family issues, this is the best book. I think every home should have one.

[Alana]

Kind of funny. Tonight I gave this book to my husband and told him to read chapter number 5. I hope he will do it. I'm not sure. I liked it. I see it as an other tool in my arsonal of 'tricks' to be a better friend and wife. When I read the chapters on the languages I found myself thinking 'I would like that!' pertaining to things that can be done for people who identify with that laguage. SO basically, be nice and giving in all ways! Though quality time is really big for me. Maybe just because I feel like I never get it.

[changed]

Originally Posted by kurisuchina

I didn't like this book very much. I know it has been beneficial to a lot of people and I appreciate the author's attempt to get couples to think about their spouse's needs. However, I also feel that it promotes selfishness in a way. "Love me the way I want to be loved and I will accept no other form of love from you!" Everyone feels love in different ways but everyone also gives love in different ways. So we need to recognize others' attempts at loves and appreciate them. But like I said, I also appreciate that we need to try to meet the other person's needs and not our own. I would recommend the institute manual "Eternal Marriage: Student Manual." It is enormous but if you are looking for one place to find advice from the apostles on marriage and family issues, this is the best book. I think every home should have one.

That is a good point - not just about learning how to show someone else love in their language, learning how to feel loved from others. It is so important to recognize all the great things others do for you, to know they love you, and feel loved by them no matter how they are able to show that love. I think most people do not feel all the love that is directed their way.

Originally Posted by Alana

Kind of funny. Tonight I gave this book to my husband and told him to read chapter number 5. I hope he will do it. I'm not sure. I liked it. I see it as an other tool in my arsonal of 'tricks' to be a better friend and wife. When I read the chapters on the languages I found myself thinking 'I would like that!' pertaining to things that can be done for people who identify with that laguage. SO basically, be nice and giving in all ways! Though quality time is really big for me. Maybe just because I feel like I never get it.

be sure to ask him which chapter you should be reading!