LDS Mormon Forums - Mormon Jokes http://www.lds.net/forums/ en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:20:00 GMT vBulletin 10 http://www.lds.net/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg LDS Mormon Forums - Mormon Jokes http://www.lds.net/forums/ <![CDATA[A child's view of Thunder Storms]]> http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27902-childs-view-thunder-storms.html Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:14:08 GMT from an email I recieved:

Quote:
A little girl walked to and from school daily. Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school. She also feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother got into her car and quickly drove along the route to her child's school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.

At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. More lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.

When the mother drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called, "What are you doing?"
The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture."

May God bless you today and every day as you face the storms that come your way!
]]> Mormon Jokes changed http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27902-childs-view-thunder-storms.html Church Bulletins http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27888-church-bulletins.html Sat, 21 Nov 2009 03:18:37 GMT Church Bulletins :

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The Sermon this morning: ‘Jesus walks on water.’ The Sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come and watch us kill Christ the king.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Don’t let worry and frustration kill you off – let the church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving abvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: ‘Break forth into Joy.’

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want to remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – Prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies- Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet I nthe Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday : ‘I upped my pledge – Up Yours’ ]]> Mormon Jokes changed http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27888-church-bulletins.html painting http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27798-painting.html Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:51:58 GMT A joke, as old as Egypt and the pyramids, but I still love it:

A church building needed new paint, so the bishop asked around in this particular small town, which company would do this job and not ask too much money(at this time there was no one else responsible for these tasks and the bishop had to handle these funds). A one-man-company finally got the job.
Some days later this man appeared at the church building with a huge bucket of paint and started painting. When half of the building was done, he recognized that there would not be sufficient paint for the whole building. So he got some water, stirred it into the paint and went on with his job. Again and again he had to add more water. When he was almost done, all of a sudden the sky went black, a big thunderstorm with heavy rain hit that town, and the whole paint was washed off. And then a small hole appeared in the clouds, a beam of light came down, right upon the man, and he heard a voice: "Repaint an thin no more!":itwasntme: ]]> Mormon Jokes stormwitch http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27798-painting.html A hinge excursion http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27254-hinge-excursion.html Mon, 02 Nov 2009 12:21:58 GMT The pope, the archbishop of Canterbury, and the prophet of the Mormons had arranged to meet to a hinge excursion on a remote island.
After a while the pope got thirst on a beer. But the ship was away. Thus he went above the water, and came back after few minutes. Also the prophet of the Mormons was thirsty, and he acted like the pope: Also he went above the water. Then the archbishop tried it. He fell in the water.
"We should have said him where the stones lie", said the pope. "Stones? What for stones", asked the prophet. ]]> Mormon Jokes OldShatterhand http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27254-hinge-excursion.html Baseball in Celestial Kingdom http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27012-baseball-celestial-kingdom.html Sun, 25 Oct 2009 14:44:16 GMT Here's a slightly "Mormonized" version of a joke my dad told me:

Two elderly men, Burt and Ernie, where sitting on a park bench talking. Burt says to Ernie, "You know, I wonder of there's baseball in the Celestial Kingdom."

"Yeah," says Ernie," I wonder that too. Tell you what, if I die first, I'll come back and tell you."

The two men agree, and go on their way. A short time later, Burt dies. Some time goes by, and one morning, Ernie wakes up, and there's Burt standing by his bed, dressed all in white. Burt says to Ernie, "Remember when we where talking about baseball in the Celestial Kingdom?"

"Yeah," said Ernie.

"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news."

"Okay, start with the good news."

"There's baseball in the Celestial Kingdom."

"Okay, what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching tomorrow." ]]> Mormon Jokes Gretchen http://www.lds.net/forums/mormon-jokes/27012-baseball-celestial-kingdom.html