Do you think this is appropriate?

[Prodigal_Son]

Originally Posted by Loudmouth_Mormon

... I would suggest that kids are smarter than we sometimes give them credit for. They know when someone is not telling them the important stuff, and they're much more able to deal with important stuff than we think.

Amen to that! We all KNOW this from our own childhoods! And yet, somewhere along the way, many of us decide that Satan's plan of protectionism and isolationism is a better parenting model.

[ServiceDogHandler]

No she can't opt out of the visit. Social Services says she is too young to make that decision for herself. I personally disagree. She is 10. I think it is more tramatizing to force her to be in his present because he never would say anything to her except to tell her to be quiet, watch the kids or put her down. No matter who is there that is how he treats her. I plan to get her her own lawyer so that her rights are protected. So that she won't be forced to see him if she doesn't want too.

Thanks for the advice. I do plan to be honest with the kids and tell them what is going on. I just want to do it right. And when the time is right. Right now is not the right time. I know they know something is not right. They are smart. But I want to make sure they are not trmatized by this next chapter in their lives. They have gone through 7yrs of abuse already. They don't need any more trama.

I did find out that the reason he chose the visit is he has to go to court today. Which means he might not even get to visit because he could end up in jail for not paying his thousands of dollars in fines for the assualts and the breaches. He has already had his liscense revoked. The visit is planned for 4:30pm-5pm. Only 30 minutes. He has not seen the kids since Christmas, has not spoken to them since then and only plans a 30 minute visit. I am just shaking my head.

[ServiceDogHandler]

He never showed. The kids were taken to social services for the visit and 15 minutes into his 30 minute time he called to say he couldn't make it. My daughter was relieved but my 4yr old son was devasted. He ended up setting up another visit the following week. That was for an hour. And he brought his girlfriend and her kids. He told the kids that this is their new mom and their new siblings. My kids were so upset. My daughter end up acting out severly for the next week. My oldest son was totally confused asking me if I was still their mother. I ended up calling my lawyer who contacted social services to ensure it would not happen agian because this has totally tramatized them as I knew it would.

Then on top of it all I got an email from his girlfriend last thursday. She is very concerned about her kids and herself. She even states she is scared of my husband and thinks he may hurt her and her children. The stuff in it is not shocking to me but she is obviously scared. She says that he almost got her kids taken away by social services, that he has been lieing to her and stealing from her. Boy does that sound familiar. That he yells and screams at her and her 4 kids when he doesn't get his way, that he tries to control her every move, That he is stalking me and knows where I live. Even lists my location. She states that she is scared of him and that she is scared that if he finds out she contacted me that he will hurt her and the kids. She kicked him out but he won't leave the property. This I understand completely because he would camp out in my driveway when he was kicked out. She begs me to contact her. I feel so bad for her and her children but I can't risk contacting her. Though I know exactly what she is going through. I called the police though. THey sent an officer over for the email. I also sent a copy of the email to my lawyer, my husband porbation officer and to the social worker dealing with the case. That is all I can do. I hope she can get out of this situation before he can hurt her and her kids the way he hurt me and my kids.

My lawyer though was glad for the email because she says it shows that this is something he does to all kids and women. I feel bad for everyone involved in this situation now. I still have no respect for his girlfriend BUT no one deserves to be treated the way my husband treats us.

[Prodigal_Son]

Dude needs to be shipped to Antarctica.