Living with extended family

beebeemoma2002 · #1 (**permalink**) 02-26-2008, 01:48 PM

My mother lives with me and my husband and our 3.5(due in june) children. We have been living this way for almost 3 yrs and of course the contention level is getting intolerable. I feel i and the referee constantly. Wiether its with the children or the more often between my mother and spouse. We live together due to the lack of income we have. My husband is unable to find a job that will pay enough for us to live without the help from my mother financialy. I am unable to work outside the home due to health issues.
We got along pretty much okay for the first year or two but recently it has gotten really bad. I know it doesnt work haveing two families in one home but its all we can do for now.
My mother and I attend church regularly but my husband stopped coming to church about 2 yrs ago and recently becomes aggitated if I try to descuss anything about the church. He is very very aggitated with my mother no matter what is said or done. It is the same way with my mother with him. I get the brunt of both of thier anger. It is getting to a point that I am scared for how long he will stay. I am feeling so incredibly hopeless I dont know what to do! I'm lost.
Can anyone offer and help? Please.

ztodd · #2 (**permalink**) 02-27-2008, 12:43 AM

That sounds like a hard situation. I pray that you can hang in there and have the spirit to guide you.

Keep praying, studying scriptures, and attending church. Would your husband allow any home teachers or any other friends from the church to visit? Do you think he might allow some priesthood holders to visit and offer a dedication prayer on your home for you?

I think maybe one of the most important things he can do with you is pray with you, if you think he might be open to that. If it would help, when you suggest it to him you could say it has nothing to do with the church, it just has to do with God. But I don't know... of course you would know better than me if he'd be open to it and how to approach it.

Pray about these things on your own and listen for the holy ghost to help you know what things you can do. I don't want to be responsible for telling you something that might not be the right time for it.

The church has good employment resources also if he's looking for another job, if he's open to help in that way. God bless your family- hang in there.

Aphrodite · #3 (**permalink**) 02-27-2008, 11:46 AM

If you cant work due to health issues have you looked into government support you might be entitled to? I dont know where you live but in the UK if you fall below a certain level of income you can be housed and supported by the council especially if you cant work due to health.

ztodd · #4 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 01:50 AM

How are you guys doing beebeemoma? Was it a good day? One day at a time, look for the positive!

Palerider · #5 (**permalink**) 03-01-2008, 08:32 AM

Have you ever thought about having a talk with your Relief Society President and sharing with her what you just mentioned here. I would recommend that you speak with her.

Rico · #6 (**permalink**) 03-02-2008, 06:53 PM

Maybe you need to talk to your mother. Maybe it is time that she respects your husband as the leader of the family. Maybe she respects him in that position already, but maybe she needs to make it known. Maybe you and your mother both need to stand up and show your husband that you both have confidence in him. You can both be witnesses to him. Show him honor and respect and maybe he can do the same, and maybe he can find a way back to the church.

We had my wife's mother move in with us and it has been a very good thing for us. I appreciate having her living with us. It's the right thing to do.

LegendadryPerc · #7 (**permalink**) 06-06-2008, 03:13 AM

Make sure your husband knows that your relationship with him is more important than your relationship with your mother. Honoring your mother, and asking her advise is fine, but make sure you are making the final disicions with your husband. Especially if you and your mother are going to church, and he is not, it can be tempting to pair off with her and discuss things he won't discuss, and a wonderfull close relationship with her is desireable, but she is not who you are making a family with. She is not your husband.

Maureen · #8 (**permalink**) 06-18-2008, 12:08 PM

The mother and the spouse are adults, they don't need a referee. They should come to some sort of agreement regarding expectations they have with each other. Tell them to deal with it, they are not children.