Group Story - Collaborative Effort

[checkerboy]

I know I am not an editor but could we try to keep the point of view from not switching between characters. Also pay attention to what the previous author has written so we don't leave loose ends dangling as in when Caleb had a question to ask but then was suddenly only interested in drinking lemonade.
Thanks

[tomk]

Originally Posted by checkerboy

I know I am not an editor but could we try to keep the point of view from not switching between characters. Also pay attention to what the previous author has written so we don't leave loose ends dangling as in when Caleb had a question to ask but then was suddenly only interested in drinking lemonade.
Thanks

Checkerboy is right. As contributors we need to pay closer attention to the storyline that is evolving from previous contributions.

Perhaps it would help everyone involved (I wish I had mentioned this earlier) if we made some notes as to where we see the story going, and why we are writing what we write.

I am going to take the reins here, a bit, and see if we can smooth out the bumps in the story so far.

I want to honor what others have written, but at the same time, the story needs to make sense!! I like what Checkerboy has done with the boyfriend! A little romance in a story is fun!


Tom

[tomk]

Moska:

The way the story is evolving, the story is being told from Sara's point of view, not Caleb's. So we can't know what Caleb is thinking about Sara, beautiful though she is! We can derive what might be going through his mind from his words, facial features, and body language.

Does that make sense?

=======

Skale, I love your description of Sara's auburn hair -- I want to use that. It's a great device you chose for transmitting to the reader what she looks like. I've known a few brunettes in my life, and yes, they're beautiful!


-----------

An old man made his way up the street. He had a bag of groceries under one arm and a cane in his right hand. The wind caught the leaves from the trees that lined the street and they swirled around him as he walked.

Across the street, Sara looked out the window from her room that faced the street. The bright yellow and red maple leaves, which danced about the old man, caught her curious gaze. She knew they were being carried by the wind, but they seemed to have a life of their own!

As thoughts often do, Sara's thoughts wandered back to another time, years ago, when she had looked out of the very same window and had observed a dark figure with no physical body under the lamp post, staring back at her. She shivered as she recalled this memory. The apparition had not been seen since, but somehow she felt the encounter held some dark purpose, yet to be understood.

Sara, being deep in thought, was startled when she heard a knock at the door. Who would be coming by this early, she wondered. She hesitantly left the window, feeling somewhat relieved by the intrusion. She hated when those old feelings came back. Looking through the peep hole she was surprised to see her boyfriend, Caleb, standing their shivering in the wind.

She quickly opened the door, and let him inside. She could feel the cool of his cheek against hers as they embraced. He was cold!

"I'm surprised to see you today, Caleb" Sara said. "I thought you still had a few more exams to take."

Caleb grinned. "I finished them earlier than expected. I guess I was prepared for my exams, for once."

Sara laughed at this. "Finishing a test early like that means one of two things..." she teased.

"Well, I didn't spend all summer studying for nothing," Caleb replied with a boastful head shake and a sly smile. "If I'm gonna ace them, I'm gonna be ready this time."

Sara rolled her eyes. "Let's hope!"

She studied his face anew. "So what's with the scruffy beard?" she asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Just trying something new." Caleb replied.

A small frown crossed Sara's face. "I see. Well, come sit down. I made some lemonade a few hours ago. Would you like some?"

"Sure, that'd be great."

Sara walked from the living room into the kitchen, mulling over this new development with her boyfriend's face.

The memory of that time she had seen the apparition returned to the surface. The man across the street! She realized that he had a scruffy beard, just like Caleb! Unlike Caleb, the man had been wearing odd-looking clothes from the 19th Century. The mystery behind what she had seen that one time only seemed to deepen each time she thought about it. There was a meaning she could not readily put her finger on, but she could not escape the feeling that there was some significance to it, nevertheless.

"So how do you think you did with your econ final?" Sarah asked, trying to get those images out of her head.

"Oh... you know, I think I did alright," Caleb replied.

"Yeah, Economics has never been your strong suit."

Caleb laughed at this. "You're right of course. I would be the first to admit that you are the 'future banker' in this relationship."

Sara laughed. Banking was definitely not in her future. While she was good with numbers she didn't want to spend all day with them. She had more important things to do with her time. She was glad Caleb's finals were over finally. Now maybe they could go on that vacation he had been promising to take her on for the last year.

"Sara, do you have a second? I need to ask you something," Caleb called from the other room.

Sara froze at the subtle tone in his voice. Perhaps the tiny hints that she dropped whenever they strolled by jewelry stores in the mall where they enjoyed an occasional movie finally sunk deep enough into his preoccupied mind now that he had some time to relax from all his studies. She checked herself in the reflection of the toaster. Her auburn hair cascaded down and over her shoulders, framing her soft facial features with perfection. Her dark eyeliner enhanced the bright tawny tones in her eyes.

"I'll be right there. Just pouring some lemonade!" she replied, stalling.

A few final checks and she opened the refrigerator and grabbed the small pitcher and poured a couple glasses full. She replaced the pitcher and closed the door and carried the two chilled refreshments out into the other room. When Caleb spied her entering the room, he quickly rose to take his drink from her.

"Thanks for the drink" said Caleb.

Sara smiled and gave a quick nod. She sat down next to Caleb on the couch, giving him time to take a few drinks from his glass. After what she hoped was an appropriate time to wait, she asked "So, what did you want to ask me?". She desperately wanted to act nonchalant, but felt pensive as she studied Caleb's face, waiting for him to respond.

Caleb swallowed hard and seemed to be trying hard to gather his thoughts. Finally, he looked Sara in the eyes and asked, "Sara, do you remember how we first met?"

[LET'S DEVELOP THE RELATIONSHIP WITH CALEB AND SARA A BIT MORE HERE]

[I AM THINKING PERHAPS CALEB HAS ALSO SEEN THE SAME APPARITION]

[skalenfehl]

Originally Posted by tomk

Skale, I love your description of Sara's auburn hair -- I want to use that. It's a great device you chose for transmitting to the reader what she looks like. I've known a few brunettes in my life, and yes, they're beautiful!

Thank you. I often incorporate a lot of imagery and metaphors/similes when integrating character descriptions and settings into plot developments in my writings. Yes, brunettes are beautiful. I married one.

[tomk]

Originally Posted by skalenfehl

Thank you. I often incorporate a lot of imagery and metaphors/similes when integrating character descriptions and settings into plot developments in my writings. Yes, brunettes are beautiful. I married one.

So did I. And my children are brunettes, also. My littlest has tons of soft curly hair. I am so smitten.


-------


Any takers on the next part of the story? I don't like going twice in a row.

[skalenfehl]

An old man made his way up the street. He had a bag of groceries under one arm and a cane in his right hand. The wind caught the leaves from the trees that lined the street and they swirled around him as he walked.

Across the street, Sara looked out the window from her room that faced the street. The bright yellow and red maple leaves, which danced about the old man, caught her curious gaze. She knew they were being carried by the wind, but they seemed to have a life of their own!

As thoughts often do, Sara's thoughts wandered back to another time, years ago, when she had looked out of the very same window and had observed a dark figure with no physical body under the lamp post, staring back at her. She shivered as she recalled this memory. The apparition had not been seen since, but somehow she felt the encounter held some dark purpose, yet to be understood.

Sara, being deep in thought, was startled when she heard a knock at the door. Who would be coming by this early, she wondered. She hesitantly left the window, feeling somewhat relieved by the intrusion. She hated when those old feelings came back. Looking through the peep hole she was surprised to see her boyfriend, Caleb, standing their shivering in the wind.

She quickly opened the door, and let him inside. She could feel the cool of his cheek against hers as they embraced. He was cold!

"I'm surprised to see you today, Caleb" Sara said. "I thought you still had a few more exams to take."

Caleb grinned. "I finished them earlier than expected. I guess I was prepared for my exams, for once."

Sara laughed at this. "Finishing a test early like that means one of two things..." she teased.

"Well, I didn't spend all summer studying for nothing," Caleb replied with a boastful head shake and a sly smile. "If I'm gonna ace them, I'm gonna be ready this time."

Sara rolled her eyes. "Let's hope!"

She studied his face anew. "So what's with the scruffy beard?" she asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Just trying something new." Caleb replied.

A small frown crossed Sara's face. "I see. Well, come sit down. I made some lemonade a few hours ago. Would you like some?"

"Sure, that'd be great."

Sara walked from the living room into the kitchen, mulling over this new development with her boyfriend's face.

The memory of that time she had seen the apparition returned to the surface. The man across the street! She realized that he had a scruffy beard, just like Caleb! Unlike Caleb, the man had been wearing odd-looking clothes from the 19th Century. The mystery behind what she had seen that one time only seemed to deepen each time she thought about it. There was a meaning she could not readily put her finger on, but she could not escape the feeling that there was some significance to it, nevertheless.

"So how do you think you did with your econ final?" Sarah asked, trying to get those images out of her head.

"Oh... you know, I think I did alright," Caleb replied.

"Yeah, Economics has never been your strong suit."

Caleb laughed at this. "You're right of course. I would be the first to admit that you are the 'future banker' in this relationship."

Sara laughed. Banking was definitely not in her future. While she was good with numbers she didn't want to spend all day with them. She had more important things to do with her time. She was glad Caleb's finals were over finally. Now maybe they could go on that vacation he had been promising to take her on for the last year.

"Sara, do you have a second? I need to ask you something," Caleb called from the other room.

Sara froze at the subtle tone in his voice. Perhaps the tiny hints that she dropped whenever they strolled by jewelry stores in the mall where they enjoyed an occasional movie finally sunk deep enough into his preoccupied mind now that he had some time to relax from all his studies. She checked herself in the reflection of the toaster. Her auburn hair cascaded down and over her shoulders, framing her soft facial features with perfection. Her dark eyeliner enhanced the bright tawny tones in her eyes.

"I'll be right there. Just pouring some lemonade!" she replied, stalling.

A few final checks and she opened the refrigerator and grabbed the small pitcher and poured a couple glasses full. She replaced the pitcher and closed the door and carried the two chilled refreshments out into the other room. When Caleb spied her entering the room, he quickly rose to take his drink from her.

"Thanks for the drink" said Caleb.

Sara smiled and gave a quick nod. She sat down next to Caleb on the couch, giving him time to take a few drinks from his glass. After what she hoped was an appropriate time to wait, she asked "So, what did you want to ask me?". She desperately wanted to act nonchalant, but felt pensive as she studied Caleb's face, waiting for him to respond.

Caleb swallowed hard and seemed to be trying hard to gather his thoughts. Finally, he looked Sara in the eyes and asked, "Sara, do you remember how we first met?"

"Of course I do," Sara smiled. "You were on your way to a class at school and I was heading home. I remember it like it was yesterday. Why do you ask?"

Caleb scratched the back of his neck. "I still remember seeing you coming out of the building and smiling at me."

"Yeah, you looked pretty surprised when I said hi."

"That's because girls never gave me the time of day. You were the first one to ever notice me and I didn't know how to react."

"Well it's a good thing you ran into that pole, isn't it?" Sara giggled. "If I didn't think I distracted you that much, I would have let you keep on walking. You looked as if I had two heads or something."

"It wasn't that," Caleb snickered. "It just felt so surreal, that's all--kind of like watching a movie. That sort of thing always happens to someone else."

[tomk]

An old man made his way up the street. He had a bag of groceries under one arm and a cane in his right hand. The wind caught the leaves from the trees that lined the street and they swirled around him as he walked.

Across the street, Sara looked out the window from her room that faced the street. The bright yellow and red maple leaves, which danced about the old man, caught her curious gaze. She knew they were being carried by the wind, but they seemed to have a life of their own!

As thoughts often do, Sara's thoughts wandered back to another time, years ago, when she had looked out of the very same window and had observed a dark figure with no physical body under the lamp post, staring back at her. She shivered as she recalled this memory. The apparition had not been seen since, but somehow she felt the encounter held some dark purpose, yet to be understood.

Sara, being deep in thought, was startled when she heard a knock at the door. Who would be coming by this early, she wondered. She hesitantly left the window, feeling somewhat relieved by the intrusion. She hated when those old feelings came back. Looking through the peep hole she was surprised to see her boyfriend, Caleb, standing there shivering in the wind. The weather that day seemed to be having a hard time deciding if it wanted to windy or not or sunny or not. It was maddening.

She quickly opened the door, and let him inside. She could feel the cool of his cheek against hers as they embraced. He was cold!

"I'm surprised to see you today, Caleb" Sara said. "I thought you still had a few more exams to take."

Caleb grinned. "I finished them earlier than expected. I guess I was prepared for my exams, for once."

Sara laughed at this. "Finishing a test early like that means one of two things..." she teased.

"Well, I didn't spend all summer studying for nothing," Caleb replied with a boastful head shake and a sly smile. "If I'm gonna ace them, I'm gonna be ready this time."

Sara rolled her eyes. "Let's hope!"

She studied his face anew. "So what's with the scruffy beard?" she asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Just trying something new." Caleb replied.

A small frown crossed Sara's face. "I see. Well, come sit down. I made some lemonade a few hours ago. Would you like some?"

"Sure, that'd be great."

Sara walked from the living room into the kitchen, mulling over this new development with her boyfriend's face.

The memory of that time she had seen the apparition returned to the surface. The man across the street! She realized that he had a scruffy beard, just like Caleb! Unlike Caleb, the man had been wearing odd-looking clothes from the 19th Century. The mystery behind what she had seen that one time only seemed to deepen each time she thought about it. There was a meaning she could not readily put her finger on, but she could not escape the feeling that there was some significance to it, nevertheless.

"So how do you think you did with your econ final?" Sarah asked, trying to get those images out of her head.

"Oh... you know, I think I did alright," Caleb replied.

"Yeah, Economics has never been your strong suit."

Caleb laughed at this. "You're right of course. I would be the first to admit that you are the 'future banker' in this relationship."

Sara laughed. Banking was definitely not in her future. While she was good with numbers she didn't want to spend all day with them. She had more important things to do with her time. She was glad Caleb's finals were over finally. Now maybe they could go on that vacation he had been promising to take her on for the last year.

"Sara, do you have a second? I need to ask you something," Caleb called from the other room.

Sara froze at the subtle tone in his voice. Perhaps the tiny hints that she dropped whenever they strolled by jewelry stores in the mall where they enjoyed an occasional movie finally sunk deep enough into his preoccupied mind now that he had some time to relax from all his studies. She checked herself in the reflection of the toaster. Her auburn hair cascaded down and over her shoulders, framing her soft facial features with perfection. Her dark eyeliner enhanced the bright tawny tones in her eyes.

"I'll be right there. Just pouring some lemonade!" she replied, stalling.

A few final checks and she opened the refrigerator and grabbed the small pitcher and poured a couple glasses full. She replaced the pitcher and closed the door and carried the two chilled refreshments out into the other room. When Caleb spied her entering the room, he quickly rose to take his drink from her.

"Thanks for the drink" said Caleb.

Sara smiled and gave a quick nod. She sat down next to Caleb on the couch, giving him time to take a few drinks from his glass. After what she hoped was an appropriate time to wait, she asked "So, what did you want to ask me?". She desperately wanted to act nonchalant, but felt pensive as she studied Caleb's face, waiting for him to respond.

Caleb swallowed hard and seemed to be trying hard to gather his thoughts. Finally, he looked Sara in the eyes and asked, "Sara, do you remember how we first met?"

"Of course I do," Sara smiled. "You were on your way to a class at school and I was heading home. I remember it like it was yesterday. Why do you ask?"

Caleb scratched the back of his neck. "I still remember seeing you coming out of the building and smiling at me."

"Yeah, you looked pretty surprised when I said hi."

"That's because girls never gave me the time of day. You were the first one to ever notice me and I didn't know how to react."

"Well it's a good thing you ran into that pole, isn't it?" Sara giggled. "If I didn't think I distracted you that much, I would have let you keep on walking. You looked as if I had two heads or something."

"It wasn't that," Caleb snickered. "It just felt so surreal, that's all--kind of like watching a movie. That sort of thing always happens to someone else."

Sara's forehead creased slightly. "What do you mean?"

Caleb's cheeks colored a bit. "You're just so ... beautiful, Sara."

Now it was Sara's turn to flush. She looked down at her hands folded on her lap. "Thank you, Caleb" she said in a whisper. When she lifted her head again to meet his gaze, a tear was rolling down one cheek. She'd figured-out long ago that he liked her (a lot) but had learned that Caleb just wasn't one to express it. But wow, having him do so as he did, just now, she could feel the truth of his love for her. Yes, she knew that men were more visual creatures, by nature, but this felt to be much more than just a commentary on her hair or make-up. Much much more.

They embraced. His lips found hers and they spent a few moments just enjoying this sweet expression of heartfelt love. All of sudden, Caleb started chuckling.

A smile spread across Sara's face. "What's so funny, Caleb?"

"Nothing. Nothing. You'll think it's stupid. Not just stupid. Pathetic and weird."

"Try me" Sara said.

"Before I ran into that pole the day we met...I already knew who you were."

Sara was surprised to find this out this new information, but she also thought she had an idea where this was going. "Go on" she prompted him.

"I got a hold of your schedule, and started following you between classes."

"You did?" Sara's was fighting to suppress a grin.


"Yeah. Weird, huh? I just wanted to watch you. I'm not usually THAT shy around girls, but you were so beautiful, I was totally intimidated! I just felt so out of my league with you."

Finally Sara couldn't contain her laughter anymore. She just busted-out in a fit of hysterical laughter. Caleb, stunned, just sat and watched her as she fought for breath between attacks. He found himself chuckling in response.

With visible relief on his face, and once Sara had calmed down a bit, he asked the obvious. "You're not mad?"

Sara just shook her head. "No - not in the least, Caleb. In fact, I'm really quite flattered, to be honest. I've never known myself to have such an impact on a guy, enough to intimidate him into silently stalking me before getting up the nerve to speak to me...." She giggled some more as she thought about his awkward behavior around her those first weeks. She'd caught him out of the corner of her eye a few times. When she'd look over he'd hurriedly become interested in a book. One time he'd even been holding it upside down, she'd noticed. She just sat there shaking her head as Caleb continued to watch her carefully.

She looked at the window and a smile crossed her face as an idea crossed her mind.

Standing up from the couch she extended a small hand to Caleb. His hands reached-out to grab hers. Her hand disappeared from sight as his huge hands enveloped hers.

"Let's go for a walk, Caleb. I heard there's a jazz band playing at the gazebo tonight."


"Sounds perfect" said Caleb.


Arm in arm they left Sara's house and headed in the direction of the park.


[CHAPTER END]

[tomk]

Thanks, Checkerboy. I owe you for the "stalker" idea. I hope I was able to do it justice.

[checkerboy]

Nicely done tom, nicely done.

Ok so can I ask some questions here? Do we want to introduce more characters and do we want to get an idea of what kind of story we are writing? Are there no holds barred or do we want to keep this more realistic? Are we gonna try to develop a protagonist/antagonist type story or are we going more for slice of life type stuff? I am game for most anything but my own particular style is more mystery and twist oriented with lots of internal character struggles. So if that helps then lets nail down some basics.

[tomk]

Originally Posted by checkerboy

Nicely done tom, nicely done.

Ok so can I ask some questions here? Do we want to introduce more characters and do we want to get an idea of what kind of story we are writing? Are there no holds barred or do we want to keep this more realistic? Are we gonna try to develop a protagonist/antagonist type story or are we going more for slice of life type stuff? I am game for most anything but my own particular style is more mystery and twist oriented with lots of internal character struggles. So if that helps then lets nail down some basics.

Excellent questions. I wish I had excellent answers.

I am not even close to a professional writer (in case my contributions so far have not made that painfully obvious) so I am not sure I can offer much by way of commentary, except to say, "Those are good ideas, checkerboy."

Uh, let's see.....


Do we want to introduce more characters and do we want to get an idea of what kind of story we are writing?


Yes, I think we should have a few more characters. The story is being told from Sara's eyes, so let's continue to stick to that. Caleb is a good fit. I think he'll have his uses as the story develops. If they are ever in danger, we'll want Caleb's muscle around to protect Sara. I hope that doesn't come-off as too sexist. I feel protective of my family, and I suspect Caleb would be the same concerning Sara.

Suprisingly, this story seems have a romantic element to it. I really didn't have that in mind in the beginning, to be honest, but having tried to write a bit more along those lines, I like it!

I am not sure how this will work itself in, but I think this is going to be a GHOST STORY of sorts. The Plot, one possible plot, is that Caleb and Sara are trying to figure-out the meaning of the bearded apparition they keep seeing who is dressed in 19th century garb.

One other thing I want Caleb to reveal is that he has seen the apparition as well. This is something else that links them together, besides their romantic feelings. This will allow them to remain in this adventure together. They will both have a vested interest in discovering the identity of the ghost.


Are there no holds barred or do we want to keep this more realistic?


I am leaning more towards keeping it realistic. I don't want huge departures from the storyline that is developing. I want ANYONE to feel they can contribute, and I hope they still do. I am doing my best to keep the flow of the story going. I hope I have not offended anyone. Stepping on some toes is going to be unavoidable now and again. The ultimate decisions rest with me, for practicality's sake.


Are we gonna try to develop a protagonist/antagonist type story or are we going more for slice of life type stuff?


More protagonist / antagonist.


What do you mean by "slice of life type stuff" ??


I am game for most anything but my own particular style is more mystery and twist oriented with lots of internal character struggles. So if that helps then lets nail down some basics.


I agree with your assessment of your style and interests. They shine through in this story so far, and I really enjoy it!!


Yes, let's nail down some basics.


Why don't you reply to this post with your own thoughts, and tell ME where you see this story going. What is in your head right now concerning Caleb and Sara or the GHOST? What other characters would YOU like to see "appear on the stage" so to speak?


Checkerboy, Skale, anyone -- your thoughts?