On Friendly Discourse

[Xzain]

Friends-

I have thouroughly enjoyed my time spent on these forums, and look forward to many more conversations to broaden the horizons of my mind and join in a feeling of brotherhood with you all.

However, I have noticed an unsettling trend in our debates. We all come from different backgrounds, have different fortes in our seperate characters and knowledges, and represent diverse faiths and beliefs. I think it's safe to assume that we all believe it is best to be kind one to another. I am well aware of the innate difficulty in infusing kindness and charity when one is debating a passionate topic with another who feels the opposite way.

I have found a few methods that help me to keep acidic acrimony and callous calumny to a minimum in conversation, and hope no one will criticize me if I share them with you all.


1) Quote and agree with any statements that you agree with.

-I find it helpful to both parties if each will point out what they agree on in addition to what they do not agree on. Indeed, the most enlightening discussions and debates I have ever read emphasized points of agreement as well as points of difference. Nothing more than an "I agree" is needed, but the very act of showing you agree with part of what your 'opponent' is saying shows an attempt at true understanding as opposed to malignant abuse.


2) Read all posts twice before posting a response.

-This is mostly helpful to understand what the other person is saying, as well as offer context to any points you might feel strongly about. Often times heated words arise over minute issues or poorly written wording; a second read-through helps one to better understand the intended argument. If confusion or bitterness still reigns, ask for clarification, do not comment, or comment and state that you do not fully understand the quoted text. This helps to stave off any offense you might unwittingly give.


3) Proof-read your own posts.

-This helps to avoid giving undue (and often unintended) criticism and contempt.


4) Admit all mistakes.

-If you make a mistake of any nature, be sure to mention it (where appropriate) and offer a sincere apology if needed. When one sees a mistake in another's actions, an admittance and apology help to stave off lasting hurt.


5) DO NOT invoke condemnation or undue criticism of any kind on anyone, for any reason.

-On these forums, the only censure that can fairly be given is from a moderator to one who has abused the rules of the forum. Any other condemnation, in any form, to any person, is uncalled for and will do naught but create hurt and frustration.


6) Look for the good in others, whatever that good may be.

-This is simply general advice. Whenever one begins to feel frustrated with another, it is helpful for that person to remind themselves of what they like about the person in question. After having tempered hot frustration and anger with cool kindness, one's words will be more effective, more meaningful, and received better by the other party.


Peace-
Xzain

[prisonchaplain]

One more piece of advice--though some may find this frustrating--it is not necessary to respond to every jot and tittle of a post. Occasionally I will find myself in a back-and-forth posting, and I start to see the posts getting longer and longer. Very quickly, the conversation is down to two posters, and, when care is not taken, it can digress into oneupmanship. My cure? Summarize the most interesting and controversial aspects of the now lengthy post, and simply respond to the broad points. And, yes, absolutely make public note of areas of agreement, and of any bright and shining gems in the posts of others. Great string, Xzain!

[Xzain]

Originally Posted by prisonchaplain

One more piece of advice--though some may find this frustrating--it is not necessary to respond to every jot and tittle of a post.
...
Summarize the most interesting and controversial aspects of the now lengthy post, and simply respond to the broad points.
...

PC, another wonderful tip. Thanks!

[Palerider]

Just a note....nothing wrong with reading the rules of the site...just for a refresher...

[Xzain]

Originally Posted by Palerider

Just a note....nothing wrong with reading the rules of the site...just for a refresher...

Those can be found here, for anyone who gets hopelessly lost on these forums (I sometimes do):

Terms & Conditions » LDS Mormon Network