In need of some clean humor!

[Truegrits]

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

I do this weekly!

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.

I do not panic, but I DO return for it...LOL

[pam]

I have to admit..I do #6 as well.

[Mahone]

Originally Posted by KrazyKay

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

No, not really. Most of my family are technophobes and most have mobile phones but never actually turn them on - apparently this small detail of the purpose of a mobile phone is missed on them.

Originally Posted by KrazyKay

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

I do nearly every day. Some things are easier to send via e-mail than vocally

Originally Posted by KrazyKay

5.. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

Yeah, I have actually used this excuse before. E-mail is like having a phone (either landline or mobile) nowadays. You are just expected to have it, whether you want it or not.

Originally Posted by KrazyKay

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

Can't say I've ever done this. Though that's probably because I'm usually the one who'd have to carry them in anyway.

Originally Posted by KrazyKay

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.

See my post about OCD - What is stated above was clearly intended for a older person than myself though. I'm 23 and I've had a mobile phone since I was 13 or 14 (this was back in the days where you still had to get permission from the head teacher to have a mobile phone in school and there had to be a very good reason for it).

Originally Posted by KrazyKay

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

No, I check my e-mail on the bus each morning. It saves time when I get into work - mornings are usually the busiest time for us.

[lilered]

Dallas Morning News

Sunday, June 28, 2009 Community Opinions page 10B

David McClure of McKinney : A senior moment ... at 48? David McClure teaches science and coaches at Faubion Middle School in McKinney. He is also a Teacher Voices volunteer columnist.


$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankie.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

[Jamie123]

Originally Posted by Mahone

No, not really. Most of my family are technophobes and most have mobile phones but never actually turn them on - apparently this small detail of the purpose of a mobile phone is missed on them.

Sounds like me - I've always considered telephones a nuisance - RING RING RING breaking my train of thought. It used to be that when you were away from the telephone you were free, but then some evil blighter had to go and invent the cell phone. Now there's no peace for the wicked.

[pam]

Did you know that the pyramids were built by Union workers?

It was originally designed as a cube. Each shift did a little less till the last said 'throw a rock on top and lets go home'.

[pam]

Relying too much on modern technology has its downside -- especially when it comes to that PC.

Consider the businessman who dragged himself home one evening and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall, cool drink and a comforting word.

"My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to tire you so?"

"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and we all had to do our own thinking."

[lilered]

WHO IS YOUR REAL FRIEND?


This really works!
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

[lilered]

WORRY

Is there a magic cutoff period when
Offspring become accountable for their own
actions? Is there a wonderful moment when
parents can become detached spectators in
The lives of their children and shrug, 'It's
their life,' and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital
corridor waiting for doctors to put a few
Stitches in my daughter's head. I asked, 'When do
you stop worrying?' The nurse said,

'When they get out of the accident stage.' My
Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little
chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
and was headed for a career making
license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher
said, 'Don't worry, they all go through
this stage and then you can sit back, relax and
enjoy them.'
My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime
waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come
home, the front door to open. A friend said,
'they're trying to find themselves. Don't worry,
in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be
adults.'
My dad just smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being
vulnerable. I was still worrying over my
children, but there was a new wrinkle. There
was nothing I could do about it.
My Dad just smiled faintly and said nothing. I
continued to anguish over their failures, be
tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I
could stop worrying and lead my own
life.
I wanted to believe that, but I was
haunted by my dad's warm smile and his
occasional, 'You look pale. Are you all right?

Call me the minute you get home. Are
You depressed about something?'

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a
lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another
handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of
human frailties and the fears of the
unknown?
Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
that elevates us to the highest form of life?


One of my children became quite irritable
recently, saying to me, 'Where were you? I've been
calling for 3 days, and no one answered I was worried.'

I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.

[KrazyKay]

Can we have a laugh and cry button? I laughed and cried at that Lilered.

Anyway, I wanted to share this with all the pet lovers:

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 PM - Oooh, Bath . Bummer.
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary. ..
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order
to keep up my strength.
In an attempt to show my disgust, I once again
vomit on the carpet.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
!!IDIOTS!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.'
I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so
he is safe. For now................