In need of some clean humor!

[daenvgiell]

A little boy goes to his father and asks


'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day
you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we
met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother
agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that
neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was
too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a
little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You got Male!'

[Fiannan]

When Harry Reid was slected to be the Senate Majority Leader he was pondering how he could lead a party that he was at odds with on almost every issue. That evening the ghost of Richard Nixon appeared to him.

Nixon: "Harry, you want to be an effective leader -- you must do everything I tell you"

Harry: "I'm all ears President Nixon."

Nixon: "You must put aside personal convictions and say and do anything that advances your power. Attack those who question your party leaders, use your position to promote yourself and above all go to Circus Circus and play that old slot machine next to the clown on the first floor."

Harry: "Why that slot machine?"

Nixon: "Very good Harry, I knew you'd ask about the clown...my work is done."

[lilered]

Definitions that should be in the dictionary!


ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now
growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after
they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have, similar to my character lines.

[Elgama]

if you like Dr Who
YouTube - Comic Relief - Catherine Tate & David Tennant

-Charley

[Truegrits]

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.
Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he asked John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.
"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once," John explained.
"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.
"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

[Truegrits]

Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"

Wife: "In the swimming pool."

[pam]

Originally Posted by Fiannan

When Harry Reid was slected to be the Senate Majority Leader he was pondering how he could lead a party that he was at odds with on almost every issue. That evening the ghost of Richard Nixon appeared to him.

Nixon: "Harry, you want to be an effective leader -- you must do everything I tell you"

Harry: "I'm all ears President Nixon."

Nixon: "You must put aside personal convictions and say and do anything that advances your power. Attack those who question your party leaders, use your position to promote yourself and above all go to Circus Circus and play that old slot machine next to the clown on the first floor."

Harry: "Why that slot machine?"

Nixon: "Very good Harry, I knew you'd ask about the clown...my work is done."

Ummmm I don't get it. Could someone explain it to me?

[lilered]

Originally Posted by pam

Ummmm I don't get it. Could someone explain it to me?

Me neither and I'm not a blonde.

[applepansy]

I really really think we need a "giggle" button next to the "thanks" button.

applepansy

[skippy740]

Originally Posted by pam

Ummmm I don't get it. Could someone explain it to me?

My guess is that since he is now pre-disposed to putting aside personal convictions, doing anything to advance his position of power and promote himself above all else.

Now his only concern was the stupid slot machine.

Putting small things above the things that would mean the most to moral people.