In need of some clean humor!

[pam]

A wealthy businessman begins to choke on a fish bone at a restaurant. Fortunately, a doctor is seated at the next table and jumps up to remove the bone, saving the man's life.

As soon as the fellow has calmed himself and can talk again, he thanks the surgeon profusely and offers to pay him for his services.

"Just name the fee," he croaks gratefully.

"OK," replies the doctor. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?"

[pam]

This in no way is towards our current administration. It could have been about any President.

The President slips away from his secret service personnel one night and goes for a walk. He sees a lake and decides to take a swim. He is splashing around in the lake when he starts to have trouble. Three good ol' boys see him and realize that the man in the lake is drowning. They jump in and save him, pulling him to shore. When they got him out of the water, they realized who they had saved. "Gosh you're the President!" They exclaim. The President says "Yes I am, and for saving me, I'll give you the one thing you've always wanted. Just name it and it's yours."

The first guy wants a new pickup truck, so the President tells him to go pick it out.

The second guy wants a new deer rifle, so the President tells him to go pick it out.

The third guy tells the President that what he wants is a white marble headstone that says 'Here lies a country boy who risked his life to save the President of the United States'.

The President asks him why he wants that.

The third guy answers "Once my daddy finds out I didn't let you drown, he's gonna kill me!"

[pam]

A mother asks her little girl what she wants most for her birthday. Says the child, "A baby brother."

"Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," her mother says, "but there isn't time before your birthday."

"Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry?" the little girl says.

"What's that?" asks the mother, puzzled.

"Put more men on the job."

[pam]

A burglar, having broken into the largest home in an affluent neighborhood, was slowly making his way through the master suite when a loud voice shouted, "Jesus is watching you. Freeze!"

The burglar stopped and slowly waited for the approach of the speaker. However, after sensing no movement, he beamed his flashlight in the direction of the voice. There, on it's perch, was a parrot.

"What's your name?" the burglar asked the parrot.

"Moses," the bird replied.

"Who would name his parrot Moses?" laughed the burglar.

"The same person who would name his Doberman Jesus."

[anatess]

An 8-year-old boy goes to the cashier at Wal-greens with a tampon in hand. The cashier wondering why he would want a tampon asked the boy, "Did your mom ask you to buy this for her?", to which the boy replied, "No. It's for my little brother." The cashier, suprised, asked, "Do you know what it's for?" Oh yeah, "See, my brother is only 4 years old and the TV commercial said that if you use a tampon you will be able to swim and ride a bike. Although, I'm not quite sure if our river has a heavy flow or light flow. What do you think?".

[anatess]

A man was walking in the middle of the forest when he found a naked guy asleep on the ground. He was so excited because he realized he is in the middle of Paradise because he just saw Adam.

Question: How did he know it was Adam?

Answer: (Man, this would have been better if you have to wait for a drum roll or something)





The sleeping man had no belly-button.

[Misshalfway]

What if the hokey pokey really IS what its all about???


(hahaha. I saw that in a little shop I went into last night. Had a little chuckle.)

[pam]

A couple were throwing a dinner party for all the major bigwigs in town. The wife was very excited about the party and wanted everything to be just perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any escargot, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with a bucket and gather some snails.

Grudgingly, he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would just come down the beach and talk to me."

He went back to gathering the snails for the dinner party. All of a sudden he looked up and the beautiful woman was standing over him. They got to talking and she invited him back to her place for a drink. Well one thing led to another, and the man ended up spending the night at her place. At 7 AM the next morning he woke up and shouted, "Oh no! My wife's dinner party!"

Quickly he gathered up all of his clothes, grabbed his bucket of snails, ran out the door and down the beach. He ran up the stairs to his beach house. He was in such a hurry when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails, strewing snails all the way down the stairs. Just then the door opened, and a very angry wife was standing over him demanding to know where he had been all this time.

He looked at the snails on the steps, then looked at his wife, then back at the snails and cried, "Come on guys, we're almost there!"

[pam]

A lady went into a pet shop. "I'd like to buy two yellow canaries," she told the owner.

"We don't have any canaries, but we have these," the owner said. He showed the lady some pale green parakeets.

"That's not what I'm looking for," the lady stated. But the pet store owner refused to give up.

"Just think of them as yellow canaries that aren't quite ripe yet," he said.

[pam]

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded... "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor."

"No, from skipping."


There actually might be a lesson in this.