In need of some clean humor!

[applepansy]

Originally Posted by Wingnut

That's what I was thinking. Especially some days around my house. The power drill stayed in our bedroom for five months after its last use, putting the baby's crib together. The extra pieces of the crib are still there.

My hubby has your hubby beat. . . We have lived in this unfinished house for 13 years. LOL My front room got the third coat of pain just two months ago. The painting supplies are still in there with the plastic on the floor and all the funiture moved out.

LOL Its called "plumber's wife syndrome"

applepansy

[skippy740]

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started.

================================================== ==

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes

from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'


I bought her a scale.


And then the fight started.

================================================== ==

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her

someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...

And then the fight started....

================================================== ==

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and

I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a

nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear

she hasn't been sober since.'

'My Gosh!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'



And then the fight started...

================================================== ==

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the

road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes

you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?


Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,

'I AM NOT HAPPY!'

So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, which one are you then?'



And then the fight started...

[pam]

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, daddy."

He replied, "How'd you know?"

The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'JERK' afterwards!"

[Truegrits]

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association. It was great."

"Wow! What was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"

[pam]

There were 3 people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. "I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.

Finally, the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

[pam]

A man called his neighbor to help him move a couch that had become stuck in the doorway. They pushed and pulled until they were exhausted, but the couch wouldn't budge. "Forget it," the man finally gasped. "We'll never get this in."

The neighbour looked at him quizzically and said, "In?"

[skippy740]

We need a "Groan" button to go with the "Thanks" button!

[pam]

Late one Friday night, two policemen spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called 'Happy Hour' and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o'those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and o' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness -- couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later."

And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."

Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!"

[Truegrits]

Hey, skippy...we get a LOL button first, O:K:?!?!

[Truegrits]

While arguing with his daugther on one occasion, the father points out to her that she chose him to be her father before she was born.
To which the 11 year old responds, after a few gestures of disbelief,
"Well I must have been in a hurry!"



If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him,is he still wrong?