In need of some clean humor!

[pam]

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

The first guy jumps. When he bounces at the end of the cord and comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, so he falls again, bounces, and then comes back up.

This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up.

This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

On the next attempt, the second guy finally catches him and pulls him in. "What happened?" he asks. "Was the cord too long?"

The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine, but tell me ... what the heck is a 'piñata'?"

[Truegrits]

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife."

So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.

Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers were ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, and she placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away.

Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."

She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did, " said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

[Still_Small_Voice]

Frank Sinatra got his shoes shined. After the man shining his shoes was finished, Frank asked him:

"What is the largest tip you have ever received?"

"$100 Mister Sinatra," was the man's reply.

Frank did not want to be out done in tipping so he pulled $200 in cash out of his pocket and handed it to the man that had shined shoes.

After handing him the money Mister Sinatra asked: "By the way, I'm curious, who gave you a $100 tip?"

"Why that was you Mister Sinatra," the man replied with a smile.

[daenvgiell]

what do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?

anything you like because he can't hear you...

Yeah ok, lame, but thats the reason we laugh.... because it's lame!

[pam]

There was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

[pam]

Hearing about a dinosaur alive in the rain forests of South America, a professor launches a scientific expedition.

After several weeks he stumbles upon a little man wearing a loincloth, standing near a 300-foot-long dead dinosaur.

The scientist can't believe his eyes. "Did you kill this dinosaur?" he asks.

"Yep," replies the rain-forest native.

"But it's so big and you're so small! How did you kill it?"

"With my club," the primitive fellow answered.

"How big is your club?"

"Well, there are about 100 of us."

[The_Doctor]

Originally Posted by pam

Hearing about a dinosaur alive in the rain forests of South America, a professor launches a scientific expedition.

After several weeks he stumbles upon a little man wearing a loincloth, standing near a 300-foot-long dead dinosaur.

The scientist can't believe his eyes. "Did you kill this dinosaur?" he asks.

"Yep," replies the rain-forest native.

"But it's so big and you're so small! How did you kill it?"

"With my club," the primitive fellow answered.

"How big is your club?"

"Well, there are about 100 of us."

That one took awhile to figure out.

[Truegrits]

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?


What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH !


Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.


There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.

[pam]

Six year old Mary and her four year old brother Joey were sitting together in church. Joey giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed at Joey.

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joey shot back.

Mary pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?" Joey nodded.

"They're hushers."

[pam]

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.

The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins."

"What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets."

"Wow, that's really an incredible coincidence " he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the 3rd man, who had been quiet in the corner.

She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.

Stunned, he barely could reply.

"Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse.

After finally regaining his composure, he said "I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel."

After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the 4th guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.

When he was finally able to speak, everyone could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.

"I should have never taken that job at 7-Up!"