In need of some clean humor!

[pam]

Chapter 11 is a form of bankruptcy here in the US. Wipes out your debt.

[pam]

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba,said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?" said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No sir," Earl said. "We're on the patch."

[pam]

This woman heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point. The woman came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

The woman said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman said, "Pasteurized?"

The woman said, "No, just up to my waist."

[pam]

A wealthy banker falls in love with a young woman he knows very little about. His lawyers, fearful that their client may have fallen for someone who is going to scam him out of all of his money, hire a private detective to check up on her.

A week later, the detective reports back. "That young woman is a virtuous person," he says. "She conducts herself beautifully and is very decent."

He pauses. "There's only one black mark against her that I could find. She's going out with an unscrupulous banker, shameless in his business dealings, and with a terrible reputation."

[pam]

A Sunday school class has been studying the idea of heaven for several weeks, and one Sunday morning the minister stops by to see how the students are doing.

"All right, children," he says after the teacher introduces him. "What is the most beautiful place you can imagine, one filled with beautiful things, where everyone is immensely happy?"

As with the one voice, the children shout, "Disneyland!"

[bodhigirlsmiles]

Q: Why did it take the Buddha forever to vacuum his sofa?

A: Because he didn't have any attachments.

i can make fun of my own religion, right?!

[Truegrits]

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

[Hemidakota]

Oh...that one made me hurt when laughiing.

[Hemidakota]

Cartoon: Tracting Santa
From Mission Mania by Val C. Bagley

After buying a new winter coat for our three year old son, we counseled him to take good care of it and not damage or misplace it. He was doing a pretty good job of it too. But one day he came in from playing outside with a forlorn look on his face. "Mom, I lost a button," he confessed, pointing to the bare spot where the button had been. Then beaming ear to ear he held out the other side of his coat and proudly proclaimed, "But the hole is still here!" --Kathleen Ryan, Goshen, Alabama, USA




We were vsiting a friend of ours, a religion and philosophy professor, when my youngest son Ryley grabbed a few books from the shelves, and was 'reading' them. He finally chose one and was reading it intently. Considering he couldn't read, we were amused, until he brought us the book he was reading. He said, "I'm reading this book in my mind". It was the Book of Mormon. That is not the humorous part because then he said, "I was reading another book, but it was messing with my mind. I'll show it to you." It was an Intro to Philosophy book! --Kathryn McDaniel, Quincy, Illinois, USA


Many years ago, I was one of the sunbeam teachers in our ward. One of my sunbeams had something to tell me, so he quickly raised his hand. Instead of calling me Sister Webb, he called me spider Webb. The other teacher and I got a big kick out it. --Sheralyn Webb, Layton, Utah, USA



Last year I had the opportunity to be my oldest sons primary teacher. Every week my stomach dropped as he raised his hand to answer a question. One week, the Primary President showed a picture of Joseph Smith's First Vision. She told the primary children that we looked like Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Then she asked, "Does Heavenly Father have fingers like us?" "Yes," all the kids shouted. Does Heavenly Father have toes? "Yes," was again the resounding response. Then she said, "Well, how do we know?" In a very "matter of fact" way, my five-year-old raised his hand and said, looking at the picture, "Because He doesn't have any shoes on." --Erika Kunzler, Maplewood, Minnesota, USA




This past Sunday the Primary children were giving their presentation. One small sunbeam got up and delivered his line which ended with, "We will obey the Prophet who is..." and in unison the rest of the Primary children said... "Thomas S Monson" to which immediately following from the back of the chapel a little voice yells out as clear as a bell..."Now spell Santa!" --Melanie Killman, Castleton, Ontario, CANADA


Credit: Latterdayreview.com

[pam]

Two women of a certain age are chatting over tea one morning.

"You know, dear," says one coyly, "the gentleman I've been seeing told me last night that I'm beautiful with my new dentures."

"Get rid of him," the other says. "You can find someone with better eyesight."