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  #251 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2008, 01:16 AM
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We had made some changes in our lives. My husband had lost 50 pounds and after eight years of being a housewife, I had taken a job in a restaurant. When I returned home after my first day at work, I gave my husband a big hug. He seemed to cling to me longer than usual.

"Did you really miss me that much today, dear?" I asked.

"No," came the reply. "But you smell so much like pancakes that I hate to let you go."
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  #252 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2008, 10:37 AM
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An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
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  #253 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2008, 10:46 AM
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What do you get when you cross The Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand !




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"If you have integrity, nothing else matters.
If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters."
(~Alan Simpson~)

"If you have men who will exclude any of
God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity,
you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men."
(~St. Francis of Assisi~)
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  #254 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2008, 12:29 PM
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A man goes to a psychiatrist.

"Doc," he says, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. Then, when I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. You've gotta help me! I'm going crazy!!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," says the psychiatrist. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"My fee is $250 per visit."

Six months later, the doctor crosses paths with the man. "Why didn't you come back to see me again?" he asks.

"For a visit? Heck a bartender cured me for the price of a martini."

"How do you figure?" asks the psychiatrist.

"He listened to my problem while I was having a drink. Then he told me to cut the legs off my bed."
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  #255 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2008, 12:47 PM
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I found some letters that kids wrote....you can put either Bishop or Pastor at the start....

Dear Bishop
I know Heavenly Father loves everybody but he never met my sister.

Sincerly, Arnold
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  #256 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2008, 12:48 PM
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Dear Pastor
My Father should be a minister. Everyday he gives us a sermon about something.

Robert
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  #257 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2008, 12:49 PM
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Dear Bishop


I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there.

Stephen
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  #258 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2008, 12:51 PM
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Dear Pastor

I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.

Loreen
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  #259 (permalink)  
Old 12-30-2008, 12:52 PM
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Dear Bishop

Please say a prayer for our little league team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank You

Alexander
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Old 12-30-2008, 12:53 PM
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Dear Pastor

My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.

Joshua
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