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01-02-2009, 06:33 AM
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An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
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True Grits "If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters." (~Alan Simpson~) "If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men." (~St. Francis of Assisi~)
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| The Following User Laughed Out Loud when they read Truegrits's Post: | ||
pam (01-02-2009) | ||
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01-03-2009, 12:26 PM
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When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.
The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook???"
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True Grits "If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters." (~Alan Simpson~) "If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men." (~St. Francis of Assisi~)
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| The Following 2 Users Laughed Out Loud when they read Truegrits's Post: | ||
Generally_Me (08-04-2009), pam (01-03-2009) | ||
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01-03-2009, 12:29 PM
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Quote:
A: A bill!
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01-03-2009, 12:33 PM
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When Jack Buck was alive he was the voice of the St Louis Cradinals Baseball team. He told a story while in a major league city. He called room service and oredered breakfast. He said he wanted 2 pieces of burnt toast and 2 eggs under cooked and 2 pieces of rubber bacon and a glass of watered down tomato juice and a cup of cold coffee. The voice at the other end said, "Mr Buck you know we don't serve that here" to which he replied....thats funny, thats what I got yesterday....
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As Long As I Am Here......It Doesn't Matter Where Here Is..... All great change in America begins at the dinner table......Ronald Reagan Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets.....Ronald Reagan
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| The Following 2 Users Laughed Out Loud when they read Palerider's Post: | ||
pam (01-03-2009), The_Doctor (01-03-2009) | ||
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01-03-2009, 12:44 PM
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This is for those who have listened to the original song "the boy does nothing" by Alesha Dixon. If you haven't heard it, listen to it on the youtube link below:
YouTube - Alesha Dixon - The Boy Does Nothing *Full* & Lyrics Right, now the parody. The above song is basically a woman having a go at a guy for doing nothing. Below is the guys response: YouTube - Adrian Dixon - The Boy Does Plenty - Chris Moyles Show Parody All you men out there will understand EDIT: For the non-British folks, I forgot to mention "bird" is British slang for a woman. Last edited by Mahone; 01-03-2009 at 12:53 PM.
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01-03-2009, 12:46 PM
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There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.
When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid. When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins. He said, "The first one was a girl." The mother: "What did you name her?!?" Brother: "Denise!" The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?" Brother: "The second one was a boy." The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him?" Brother: "Denephew."
__________________
True Grits "If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters." (~Alan Simpson~) "If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men." (~St. Francis of Assisi~)
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| The Following 5 Users Laughed Out Loud when they read Truegrits's Post: | ||
daenvgiell (01-04-2009), Mahone (01-03-2009), Palerider (01-03-2009), pam (01-03-2009), skippy740 (01-03-2009) | ||
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01-03-2009, 04:40 PM
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TG kind of to go along with that last joke. When I found out I was having twin boys...my dad suggested I name them Pete and Repeat.
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Please visit my new website I've adopted through TheMoreGoodFoundation. I just started it so it's very much a work in progress and will continue to be so. www.ldsplace.com
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| The Following 2 Users Laughed Out Loud when they read pam's Post: | ||
daenvgiell (01-04-2009), Truegrits (01-03-2009) | ||
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01-04-2009, 03:24 AM
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Q. What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a tennis court?
A. "A net"
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I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!
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| The Following User Laughed Out Loud when they read daenvgiell's Post: | ||
pam (01-04-2009) | ||
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01-04-2009, 09:39 AM
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Quote:
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| The Following User Laughed Out Loud when they read skippy740's Post: | ||
pam (01-05-2009) | ||
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01-05-2009, 10:17 AM
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A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. Yep. 25 cents. The usher looks at the quarter in his hand, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
__________________
Please visit my new website I've adopted through TheMoreGoodFoundation. I just started it so it's very much a work in progress and will continue to be so. www.ldsplace.com
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