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01-23-2009, 11:06 PM
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There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now writes error messages for Microsoft Corporation. 
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| The Following 7 Users Laughed Out Loud when they read sakuragirl's Post: | ||
Generally_Me (08-04-2009), Maxel (01-26-2009), pam (01-24-2009), rameumptom (01-27-2009), skippy740 (02-06-2009), talisyn (01-31-2009), The_Doctor (01-26-2009) | ||
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01-23-2009, 11:07 PM
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Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen. Seconds before the end, a bolt of lightning struck taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out." "Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better." Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "But how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?!" God chuckles, "Jesus saves."
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01-24-2009, 08:20 AM
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One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.
> Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was > one of my favorite toys. > > Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I > brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several > cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. > > My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of > tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure > enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she > watches him drink it up. > > Then she says, (as only a mother would know...) > > 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water > is the toilet?
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| The Following 7 Users Laughed Out Loud when they read lilered's Post: | ||
Maxel (01-26-2009), pam (01-24-2009), rameumptom (01-27-2009), sakuragirl (01-26-2009), talisyn (01-31-2009), The_Doctor (01-26-2009), Truegrits (01-26-2009) | ||
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01-26-2009, 01:21 PM
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The US has succeeded in building a super computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat?
The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
__________________
Please visit my new website I've adopted through TheMoreGoodFoundation. I just started it so it's very much a work in progress and will continue to be so. www.ldsplace.com
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| The Following 5 Users Laughed Out Loud when they read pam's Post: | ||
Maxel (01-26-2009), sakuragirl (01-26-2009), skippy740 (02-06-2009), talisyn (01-31-2009), Truegrits (01-26-2009) | ||
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01-26-2009, 01:22 PM
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Three friends die in a car accident and go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference for the children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"
__________________
Please visit my new website I've adopted through TheMoreGoodFoundation. I just started it so it's very much a work in progress and will continue to be so. www.ldsplace.com
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| The Following 3 Users Laughed Out Loud when they read pam's Post: | ||
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01-26-2009, 01:47 PM
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Quote:
__________________
True Grits "If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters." (~Alan Simpson~) "If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men." (~St. Francis of Assisi~)
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| The Following User Laughed Out Loud when they read Truegrits's Post: | ||
pam (01-26-2009) | ||
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01-26-2009, 01:56 PM
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Quote:
Yayyyy you got it. 
__________________
Please visit my new website I've adopted through TheMoreGoodFoundation. I just started it so it's very much a work in progress and will continue to be so. www.ldsplace.com
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| The Following User Says Thank You to pam For This Useful Post: | ||
Truegrits (01-26-2009) | ||
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01-26-2009, 03:15 PM
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What are crisp in milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them?
Mice Krispies!
__________________
God is God, God likes to be God & God is good at being God so let Him do it. 
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01-26-2009, 08:34 PM
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Quote:
My "GROAN" button wouldn't work...
__________________
True Grits "If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters." (~Alan Simpson~) "If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men." (~St. Francis of Assisi~)
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01-26-2009, 10:33 PM
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Yeah, that belonged on my "Lame jokes thread but this one was up so I did it here" hahaha
=== A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."
__________________
God is God, God likes to be God & God is good at being God so let Him do it.
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| The Following User Laughed Out Loud when they read Dr T's Post: | ||
Maxel (01-26-2009) | ||
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