In need of some clean humor!

[pam]

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.

Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"

[Truegrits]

A young boy goes to see the doctor. He has a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other, and a string bean stuck in his ear.

He says to the doctor, "I don't feel so good."

The doctor replies, "The problem is clear to me. You're not eating right!"

************************************************** *******

What is the quietest sport in the world?

Bowling...because you can hear a pin drop!

[rameumptom]

Originally Posted by pam

Back in 1996, the Atlanta Olympic Games were tough to get tickets to. Three locals came up with a scheme to sneak in, pretending to be athletes.
.....

The last got a large roll of barbed wire from his truck, but was stopped at the gate when he said, "Smith, fencing."

Hey! I resemble that joke!

Rameumptom Smith

[omega0401]

Adolescence is a period of rapid change. While a child is between the ages of 12 and 17, a parent may age 20 years.

(the truth is out)

[Dr T]

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

[omega0401]

After an accident, a woman stepped forward and prepared to help the victim. She was asked to step aside by a man who announced, "Step back please! I've had a course in First Aid."

The woman watched his procedures for a few moments, then tapped him on the shoulder. "When you get to the part about calling the doctor," she said, "I'm already here."

[Dr T]

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

[pam]

A father often read Bible stories to his young children.

One day he read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

[pam]

A woman becomes ill at home, and her husband calls 911 to get an ambulance. The operator says she'll send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" the operator asks.

"At the end of Eucalyptus Drive," says the anxious husband.

"Can you spell that for me?" the operator asks.

There is a long pause. Finally the man says, "How about if I drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there?"

[Dr T]

Where did the kittens go on a class trip?

To the meow-seum.