In need of some clean humor!

[pam]

Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.

She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ed has been missing since Friday.

[Dr T]

Why won't a bike stand up by itself?

It's two tired.

[Dr T]

Little Johnny'skindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.
'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?

[pam]

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Harper, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

[pam]

A blonde walks into a casino where she sees a coke vending machine.

She puts in some money and a coke falls out.

She smiles and keeps putting in more and more money, and getting heaps of cokes.

She does this for about an hour or so until a guy comes up to her and says "Havent you had enough?"

She answers, "No! Cant you see I'm winning!"

[pam]

A man walks into his neighborhood bar, orders a cold beer, looks at the glass pensively, then takes a long sip. "What's with you tonight?" asks the man on the next stool.

"Just got off the phone with the insane asylum," the first man says. "I wanted to check to see if anyone escaped recently."

"Oh? Why were you wondering about that?"

"Well," the man says, "I just found out somebody married my ex-wife last week."

[Dr T]

What did Tom get when he locked Jerry and his friends in the freezer?

Mice cubes!

[Dr T]

What's gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?

Stalagmice!

My husband was picking up our 7 year son from church and his class let out late and my husband asked him why he was so late getting out and my son said we were praying. so my husband said well honey that was nice,did you pray for us? and my said NO because nothing bad happened in our family!!! lol....
it was so funny. so we told him that he should pray for us even when nothing bad happens! 2 funny!

[Dr T]

What mouse was a Roman emperor?

Julius Cheeser!