In need of some clean humor!

[orrinjelo]

How do you start a book about ducks?


With an introduc(k)tion.

[orrinjelo]

What is brown and sticky?


A stick.

[orrinjelo]

Okay, okay, enough for lame jokes right now.
You might know that I am a student of physics. You might not know that I am training to become a quantum mechanic.

I'm gonna have steak when I graduate!

[pam]

Two Little Boys
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddles through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.

As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the yard in a panic. 'Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!' she asked as she shook the older boy in anger. 'We were just playing 'church' mommy,' he said.'I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes.

[Dr T]

What did the tie say to the neck?

I think I'll just hang around.

[orrinjelo]

Hee hee, Dr T. Reminds me of a poem by Shel Silverstein:


What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.
What did the paper say to the pen?
I'm feeling quite all write my friend.
What did the teapot say to the chalk?
Nothing you silly! Teapots can't talk!

(Highlight after the line for the answer.)

[lilered]

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap...
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
And begins to read her book.

The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

[Dr T]

Originally Posted by orrinjelo

Hee hee, Dr T. Reminds me of a poem by Shel Silverstein:

What did the carrot say to the wheat?
Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet.
What did the paper say to the pen?
I'm feeling quite all write my friend.
What did the teapot say to the chalk?
Nothing you silly! Teapots can't talk!

(Highlight after the line for the answer.)

hahhaha growing up I LOVED Shel Silverstein!

[Dr T]

My kids love it now when I read "Where the Sidewalk Ends" to them too!
===

When is an outlaw neither left-handed nor right-handed?

When he's caught red-handed.

[pam]

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."

He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away.

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."