In need of some clean humor!

[pam]

This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's."

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem. final was on Monday), they decided to go up to University of Virginia to a party with some friends.

So they did this and had a great time. However, they ended up staying longer than they planned, and they didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Aldric after the final and explained to him why they missed it. They told him that they went up to Virginia for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time. So they were late getting back to campus.

Aldric thought this over and agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them.

He placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.

They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.

It said: (95 points) "Which tire?"

[sakuragirl]

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

[pam]

Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.

The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row.

On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.

Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.

Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"

With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"

Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!"

[pam]

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"

[lilered]

Harley rider eating in a restaurant is checking out a gorgeous redhead. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket. The biker reaches up, snatches it out of the air, and hands it back to her. "I am so embarrassed," the woman says. "Please join me for dinner."

They enjoy a wonderful meal together and afterwards she invites him to the theater, followed by drinks. She pays for everything. Then she asks him to her place for a nightcap, and to stay for breakfast.

The next morning the guy is amazed. "Are you this nice to every biker you meet?" he asks.

"Not usually," she replies. "But you just happened to catch my eye

[Dr T]

Why did the New Yorker sleep under an oil tank?

He wanted to wake up oily.

[missingsomething]

The Secret of a Long Marriage



At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly
husband's marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Mario, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Mario replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I've a-tried to treat-a her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of alla is that I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!

The Priest responded, 'Mario, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary...'

Mario proudly replied, 'I'ma gonna go get her.'

[missingsomething]

Im serious - the priest said this joke at my grandmother FUNERAL.

A lawyer dies and meets St. Peter at the gate. He is loaded onto a little golf cart along with a priest and a businessman. Peter explains that they will be going to their home in heaven now. They stop at a modest house, clean with a picket fence. Peter says to the businessman, 'Here is your home... enjoy it"... They move on. The houses get bigger and more luxurous. They stop at a very large house with pillars and lots of natural lighting. Peter says to the priest.. "Well done Father - enjoy your house."
They continue on for quiet a drive. Then Peter stops at the biggest, most amazing house in Heaven. Peter turns to the lawyer, and says... "Here we are... the best house we have... enjoy". The lawyer looks confused and says.... "It cant be. Surely there are priest and popes and saints who would be more deserving of this than myself." Peter looks very serious and replies, 'Maybe so, but Heaven has LOTS of popes, priests and saints... but we only have ONE lawyer!"

[Dr T]

Why wouldn't the bald man let anyone use his comb?

He couldn't part with it. hahahhaHAHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHA HA H HA?

[pam]

Mr. Johnson had been waiting entirely too long at the doctor's office. His appointment was for 9 a.m., and it was 10:30 a.m. when an attractive nurse appeared and said, "Mr. Johnson, let's go get a room."

Mr. Johnson thought it over and said, "Honey, I appreciate the offer, but I've been waiting for so long, I'd hate to lose my place now."